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Wife has very specific sexual fetish that she won't share with me?
Some background - my wife and I have a very boring sex life. We're young still at 30 and 31, but our sex is sporadic and occasional, maybe once every 2 - 4 months. I've known people far older than us that don't go more than 2 days without sex, let alone 2 months. On the rare occasion we do have sex, it's very "Vanilla"...nothing unusual, nothing exciting. It almost feels redundant. This is most likely a deeper problem with our relationship, but it is what it is. The sex is also pretty one-side...I'll do most of the work (kissing, touching, caressing, foreplay, etc.) while she does very, very little in return.
So, I recently discovered by accident that my wife has a very specific fetish - she is into soft lesbian (non pornographic) belly play. When our desktop died we shared her laptop. One day she didn't shut down what she was looking at, and left some of the videos she was watching up in the browser. Needless to say I was extremely surprised (and how often does THAT happen...the wife caught watching porn by the husband?). Needless to say curiosity got the better of me and I did find that she had a long history of watching the videos on an almost daily basis.
Before you judge me (i'm looking at you specifically, ladies), let's remember how sneaky you are too, and how the double standard applies - It's perfectly okay for men to be spied on, but not women? BS.
With that out of the way, let's not call it spying so much as curiosity getting the better of me. This was almost a year ago though, and she has not opened up about her fetish. I don't ask her about it,but during our rare sexual encounters I do try to maneuver in the direction of belly play with her and she hardly reacts to it at all. I am a bit concerned now, as the nature of the videos she watches almost always pertains to lesbian pairings for the belly fetish. She has never shown any sort of homosexual tendencies and seems disgusted at the idea of sex with a woman, yet it seems to be her primary sexual outlet.
Our sex life has dried up enough as it is, and knowing that she has a fetish, which she should NOT be embarrassed about, could be the key to rekindling it. I'm not at all repulsed by her fetish and would happily engage her in any way she wants if she was open about it.
My question is: How can I get her to open up about it without embarrassing her? She hides it from me for a reason - either she wants to keep it for masturbation and self-pleasuring, or she's afraid to open up about it to me. Of course again there could be deeper problems in our relationship...but ultimately, I'm just trying to think of ways to get her to open up about it so we can explore it together and get more enjoyment out of sex. For BOTH our sakes.
So, I recently discovered by accident that my wife has a very specific fetish - she is into soft lesbian (non pornographic) belly play. When our desktop died we shared her laptop. One day she didn't shut down what she was looking at, and left some of the videos she was watching up in the browser. Needless to say I was extremely surprised (and how often does THAT happen...the wife caught watching porn by the husband?). Needless to say curiosity got the better of me and I did find that she had a long history of watching the videos on an almost daily basis.
Before you judge me (i'm looking at you specifically, ladies), let's remember how sneaky you are too, and how the double standard applies - It's perfectly okay for men to be spied on, but not women? BS.
With that out of the way, let's not call it spying so much as curiosity getting the better of me. This was almost a year ago though, and she has not opened up about her fetish. I don't ask her about it,but during our rare sexual encounters I do try to maneuver in the direction of belly play with her and she hardly reacts to it at all. I am a bit concerned now, as the nature of the videos she watches almost always pertains to lesbian pairings for the belly fetish. She has never shown any sort of homosexual tendencies and seems disgusted at the idea of sex with a woman, yet it seems to be her primary sexual outlet.
Our sex life has dried up enough as it is, and knowing that she has a fetish, which she should NOT be embarrassed about, could be the key to rekindling it. I'm not at all repulsed by her fetish and would happily engage her in any way she wants if she was open about it.
My question is: How can I get her to open up about it without embarrassing her? She hides it from me for a reason - either she wants to keep it for masturbation and self-pleasuring, or she's afraid to open up about it to me. Of course again there could be deeper problems in our relationship...but ultimately, I'm just trying to think of ways to get her to open up about it so we can explore it together and get more enjoyment out of sex. For BOTH our sakes.
Take her out one night to a strip club and see how she reacts. My wife and I did it and then started to open up more about what excited us. Our sex life has been wild and crazy for the last 10 years (we are 40 and 47) We have watched each other with the opposite sex, I have watched her have a MFM, and we have had MFM, FMF, MMFM. It opens up a whole new world
COMMUNITY LEADER
I know you don't want to hear this but your wife could be a lesbian or bi sexual. This is something the two of you really need to talk about.
Don't feel bad for seeing what she had on the computer. I'm married myself and I hide nothing from my husband, he is the same with me. We share a computer and have each others passwords for everything. I feel that couples should have that kind of trust.
There is for sure something going on if the two of you being so young are only having sex every few months. Try talking to your wife about all of this. If she does'nt want to talk to you then you might want to suggest couples therapy.
Don't feel bad for seeing what she had on the computer. I'm married myself and I hide nothing from my husband, he is the same with me. We share a computer and have each others passwords for everything. I feel that couples should have that kind of trust.
There is for sure something going on if the two of you being so young are only having sex every few months. Try talking to your wife about all of this. If she does'nt want to talk to you then you might want to suggest couples therapy.
Mr mike. Why not investigate this type of belly play yourself online. Maybe read some erotic stories. Then copy the ones you like. In an intimate setting, ask your wife if you can read a story to her. See what happens.
It's something to share secrets. This way she may become aroused with out talking about it. Then your sex will be more satisfying. Pamela
It's something to share secrets. This way she may become aroused with out talking about it. Then your sex will be more satisfying. Pamela
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