sexual frequency -survey?

Hello,
My husband and I are having a difference of opinion and I'd like to pose a quick survey...We are middle aged (me- 45 yrs, him 46 yrs), in good health, and have one daughter. We both work full time. So, the question is, how many times per week does the average, healthy, middle-aged, working couple have sex? Would anyone who responds put their ages and frequency per week? Thanks! ~MM

[gymdandee]

I'm mostly a morning man but then again when the brain in my penis calls I go for it.
I'm married 46 years and I can't recall the last time my wife asked for it. yet she loves sex. could be that I'm just about always looking for some kind of sex.  

[iam1butterfly]

Our average for sexual intercourse is twice a week... although we engage in some form of sexual contact (i.e. oral sex and/or mutual masturbation) on almost a daily basis. I'm 54 and my boyfriend will be 54 in September.

[sweetpea03]

There is no normal amount for everyone. Some people have more sex and others don't. If you're looking to have more sex, talk to your husband about it. Good luck.

[narla]

It depends on whether your in the mood,a few months ago I wanted sex everyday sometimes 2 or 3 times a day,at the moment once a week is enough,the point is you should only have sex when you really feel like it not just because it's "the norm"
we've been married 30 years next month I'm 48 and my husband is 53.

[penswriter]

Like sweetpea said there is no normal amount.

My dh and I vary. Some months we'll have it 3 or 4 times throughout the entire month while others it's once or twice a day.

[medicmommy]

Thanks for your input. What we have is a difference of opinion on how frequent is frequent enough. For me, I'm perfectly happy with once a week (sometimes more, but usually I'm just too tired). For him, he feels neglected at once a week and gets mad at me because I feel if he wants it more, that masturbation is an acceptable alternative. Four days out of the week I work 12 hour shifts (translates to 18 hour days), and the rest of the time I'm a full-time college student, keep up the house, do all of the errands including grocery shopping and running the daughter to her functions, and take care of the garden. He refuses to have sex at any time of the day other than bed time (often 11 PM when it's the only thing on my mind is going to bed).
I feel guilty about not meeting his needs more, but I just get to the point that I don't care because he refuses to meet me half-way or acknowledge that I'm just not interested in sex (or anything for that matter) when I'm dead tired. (He thinks I'm making excuses and thinks I "hate" sex and that's why I don't "put out" more often.) Is it wrong to be tired of being the "giver" all of the time?  I know this isn't good because I'm beginning to feel quite resentful that he demands more than I'm willing to give...~MM

[narla]

How dare he be demanding when it comes to sex,that is so wrong on all levels no wonder you are feeling resentful.I think you need to sit down and discuss how his demands are making you feel at a time when you are both calm and neither of you are thinking about sex.The only other thing I can suggest is maybe some counselling.Good Luck

Denise

[medicmommy]

Thanks for your support. I'm trying to understand his position because his sex drive is greater than mine and I acknowledge that he must be frustrated. However, he isn't very supportive when it comes to helping around the house or yard (does only things that are important to him) which are left to me to do (e.g. lawn mowing, house maintenance, etc.), making even greater demands on my limited time and leaving me less mental energy to think about sex. I've discussed this with him and he deems this as being "manipulative" (what I think is, he means "making excuses") because he's "trapped" in a position he can't get sex elsewhere without "cheating".  I guess, I'm not getting why, if he does want to "get off" more often, that masturbation isn't a "back up" option? On the surface, it seems he's having a "pity party" for himself, but it goes deeper than that. He doesn't think we need counseling because he thinks the problem is mine...~MM

[sweetpea03]

I would try talking to him about helping out more around the house and with your child. Tell him that it would be great foreplay for you. It's totally understandable to be tired and not want it. He needs to chip in more or he's just not going to get anywhere. He'll have to compromise if he truly wants to have sex more often. good luck

[gymdandee]

my age 65 my wife 64  I have sex on the average of 5-6 times per week my wife about 4-5 times per week. We are both retired now but when we worked it was about 4- 5 times per week.

[gymdandee]

He shouldn't be demanding masturbation is OK!

[iam1butterfly]

"...he's trapped" and, what about you?

What you have is far more than "a difference of opinion" ...it's all about him!
Don't feel guilty... suggest that if he helped with half of the household chores and peripheral responsibilities, you might be more in the mood for sex. Until then, tell him to cool his jets and learn to appreciate the fine art of masturbating.

[severin76]

My answer to the frequency-survey:
I am 34, my girlfriend is 24, we have lived together for 3 years. We have sex twice a day, sometimes three times a day, but usually twice a day is our personal "norm" which suits both of us. Both of us have quite high sex drive and we had problems due to it in our previous relationships, so now we are incredibly happy that we can have sex as often as we need and we are not refused on a daily basis (that was the case in our previous relationships with ex-partners).

[medicmommy]

For the survey contributors -thanks! Your feedback has been very enlightening and encouraging. My husband and I will have been married for 20 years next month, and our sex drives have always been a bit mismatched but we've been able to "meet in the middle" which he's been satisfied with until the last year or so. We both are extremely busy and, because of my job, I'm only home 3-4 nights a week which makes "getting together" more challenging. It seems we've hit a rut of sorts and, although I've set aside one "sure thing date night" a week to make sure at least he "gets off" even if I'm too tired to want anything, he complains about not getting more, yet he doesn't do anything to encourage it, expecting me to start things every time...I've got all kinds of energy in the morning, but he refuses to have sex at any time other than 11 PM at night when I'm usually dead tired.  I've noted from the survey, that those who are more active seem to have flexibility in their days...This must be the key to "more"...Thanks everyone! :) ~MM

[gymdandee]

I'm mostly a morning man but then again when the brain in my penis calls I go for it.
I'm married 46 years and I can't recall the last time my wife asked for it. yet she loves sex. could be that I'm just about always looking for some kind of sex.  

[medicmommy]

You are absolutely precious! (((((HUGZ))))) I'll bet your wife delights in you!...I think the hubby and I are sharing some sort of weird mid-life crisis as there has been a lot of changes in our lives in the last two years. He and I are equally matched for stubbornness (he's Irish, I'm Norwegian) which makes seeing eye-to-eye a bit difficult at times but we always seem to work things out... I only hope our marriage is as happy as yours sounds when we hit the 46 year mark...Thank you very much for your positive input! You and your wife give me hope for the future! :) ~MM

[justryin]

I hate that i joined this conversation 5 days late, but I too, have delighted in the same debate. Being the "giver" of the family, which in most households is usually the woman, that not only gets up goes to work, tends to the needs of the child or children, makes sure that bills are being paid, groceries, cooking, chores, household maintenance issues, relatives, laundry, and any other tidious thing that doesn't add to or compromises the "husbands" already hectic schedule on a daily basis-then at night to make it to bed only to have him waiting there for you to press the SUPER CHARGE button behind your left ear lobe so that you may give him another GOOD 30 MINUTES!! Then when reality sets in: there is no super charge button. I am not super woman. And this is not SuperStation TV. Man I'm tired. Then as sad as it may seem, but just as true, the giver becomes the negelecter. To be honest, talking is really irrelevant. I feel so because men think one-sided. Most of them anyway. At some point he should see a reason to why you are tired and not wanting to be intimate. It would be more appropiate for him to ask you why the two of you aren't having sex versus him telling you that he can't have sex elsewhere without cheating. It will soon get to a point where sex will feel more like one of the many chores that have to do rather than something that you enjoy doing. Good Luck

[Dumpling1]

Hi, I hope you two are able to work this out and that he comes around. I will say though that to me it definitely sounds as though he is going through a midlife crisis where he might be feeling the need for more sex equates to youthfulness and adventure. Maybe he really just needs to feel young again and a little adventure. Keep your eyes and ears peeled though. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but him saying to you the only way for him to get more sex is to cheat on you- could actually be him inadvertently telly you he wants to, thinks about, will or is cheating on you and he is projecting blame on to you in order to make himself feel justified in his actions.You NEED to have a serious talk with him because it sounds to me like there might be deeper issues here. Take care and I hope I am wrong.

[gymdandee]

You posted the reply to me on July 26 and I just read it now! If I new about it on the 26th I would have gotten back right away! I've been going with my wife from the ages of her 15 and me 16. A mans Testosterone levels are the highest between about 6-10am. Friends tell us to take a show on the road we are so funny. Don't get me wrong we do argue. I've been through a lot had a Meningioma (brain tumor) removed about 4 years ago it was benign I've had both knees replaced I was a runner and jogger. now I just go to the gym and do every thing else.
My wife had 18" of her intestines removed but sex is GOOD!!
Fool around experiment and I know it's it's hard but you have to try and relax.