This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
My husband and I are both in our 50's and now need arousal aids. He wants to fantasy role play our fantasies. He does get very aroused when I dabble "uncomfortably" with his fantasy where he wants me to have sex with a young well endowed man and the other is watching me have sex with a woman. My problem is I am not open minded about sex like he is and I begin to feel guilty when I role play his to the point where I feel like I am cheating on him. Its because we make the fantasy so real. I am struggling with it but I know I should be more open minded about it and that its only fantasy and is not real. Also, I am too chicken to tell him my fantasies. One is having sex with another woman.
How do I overcome this and enjoy our fantasy life with my husband? He gets really aroused and hard when I do role play his fantasies and become a **** with other men. On one hand I feel like I am letting him down.
I'm so glad you brought up fantasy role plays because many people enjoy them and feel guilty. So the more we talk about the subject, the more people will begin to understand that fantasies can be a wonderful enhancement.
It sounds like your guilty feelings may be coming from some idea that there's a "right way" and a "wrong way" to have sex. Many of us get these kinds of messages growing up. They're not based on any facts, but are instead the reflection of cultural or family traditions. In fact, it's very common for people in long-term relationships to role play in order to spice things up. After all, even if you could afford the best steak, night after night, eventually, you'd want some variety, right? Role playing is a way to experience some variety without any risk to the relationship.
So how to get over the discomfort and guilt? I can't wave a magic wand for you; however, I can recommend some very excellent books as resources. The first one is a classic: "My Secret Garden," by Nancy Friday. This is a book in which women share their sexual fantasies. It has been through many editions because it's so popular. You can find it online, both used and in paperback.
After reading this book, I think you'll realize just how many women fantasize--and it may also help you to become more comfortable sharing your fantasies with your husband. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Thank you for your insightful reply. I will take your suggestion of reading My Secret Garden in hopes that I become more comfortable with fantasy role play and let it all fly so to speak. LOL. My husband is very much into it and I know he will not judge me for my fantasies and that I realize that I need to share with him so that we can fully enjoy the pleasures of sex.
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