Not sure if my wife is reaching orgasm

[mhossey]

Me and my wife have been married for 2 months, both have waited to have sex until we were married! Sex is off the chain for me, were both very open but respectful of eachothers bodies. After intercouse I always ask her if she had an orgasm and she usually responds with "i'm not really sure, I mean it felt really good though". I take PLENTY of time with foreplay touching and caressing, and usually give her plenty of oral sex before I even enter. Her V will usually spill a little liquid after enough oral sex (69 is when this usually happens), and her legs will shake pretty hard from clitoral stimulation and her body will tighten. But still she isn't positive if she had an orgasm or not. For me I'm positive when I orgasm, but with her It seems to be a grey area. We've tried plenty of sex positions, and we both enjoy them pretty hot and heavy, she will moan loud, and let me know just how good I'm doing, but their is never the Finale. I've asked her if she ever fakes and she has reassured me plenty of times, that she is not. Its leaving me a little frustrated because I want her to know without a shadow of a doubt that she has reached an O, until then I don't really feel like I've given her one. She is opposed to the idea of using a sex toy like a dildo, she's afraid that if she O's with that, then it will be impossible to O without it.

Thanks in advance!
M

[Bodyindistress]

I'm not trying to be rude man but you must be naive bcus you posted on medhelp? Take the womans advice she is right! I have had the same exact issue as you man I mean same exact I been married 6months. We are trying to help you don't have to explode on us.

[mhossey]

What an incredibly rude, and demeaning thing to say. Please dont every post under my topic again. really. The only reason I'm responding is because I didnt turn my e-mail notifications off, and when I saw something so ridiculous from someone who knows nothing about the person that I am or the person that my wife is I have to say something.

And for the record, you have no idea what age I am, I am very excited about being married, but does that mean I'm young? In a single one tracked mind, I'm sure it would. It wouldn't even be a second thought to you that someone would give themselves up before marriage, rather than waiting. I don't think that's young and naive. Keep your insults, and boxed in thoughts to your children so they can grow up to be just like you.


Michael

[tejodouro]

You are young and naive. Listen to the doctor,  She is right. From a Woman's view.

[mhossey]

I feel a bit like I'm being guilted or talked down to for wanting my wife to have as much pleasure as I do in bed. No sex is not just about me, hence me even taking time to read advice, and even posting asking for other peoples opinions, or hoping maybe someone has gone through the same thing and can give myself and her advice. Since I have such a misconstrued perception. I dont understand why any woman wouldnt want to learn about orgasms, and increase their overall pleasure. Thankyou for your advice, but I probably will not be posting here again. And yes, I do take charge as any rightful husband should, but does that mean I'm limited to being in control. No, I'm always open to whatever she would like to do, and treat (and try!) each idea with genuine interest, and she would tell you that. But I do believe I play some part in giving her an orgasm.

Thankyou for the recommendation.
Michael

Michael

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi.

Let's clear up some misconception first. A) You can't GIVE your wife an orgasm. It's her responsibility to learn about her body and give HERSELF one. Once she learns about her own sexual response, she may or may not choose to share that with you. And if she doesn't want to learn about it and have orgasms, would that be OK with you, or is sex just about you? You seem to be taking responsibility for her sexuality as well as your own. The idea that men are in charge of sex is one of the contributing factors to women not having orgasms.

Sex toys can be quite helpful for women who haven't yet had an orgasm; however, it's important that women learn how to stimulate themselves so they have that skill.

If your wife were writing this post, I would recommend to her that she read the book, "For Yourself: the Fulfillment of Female Sexuality," by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., widely available online, both used and in paperback. This book has helped thousands of women learn about their sexuality. Dr. J