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why cant i stay wet
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why cant i stay wet

im 23 years old and i cant stay wet during sex i have had this problem since i first began having sex i get wet but cant stay that way my partner feels its his fault and its ruining our relationship he cant stay turned on once i start drying up when i was younger i felt i always got overly wet this lasted about a year and then i started getting dry during sex he does not want to use lubrication and feels if i was turned on i would be wet my sex drive is also not what it used to be what do i do and why am i so young and not able to stay wet
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Hi Becca.

The previous poster is correct that being dehydrated can contribute to lack of lubrication, so it's worth a shot to drink more water. And it will help with lots of other issues too.

However, there are other factors which may be contributing to your lack of lubrication. I note that you say you're not as interested in sex as you used to be. This could be contributing to your lower lubrication. There are many factors that can affect desire. Without knowing what's going on for you, I can't give you an opinion; however, here's some general information.

First of all, you’re not alone. This feeling happens to most of us at some time in our lives. We often go through periods where our desires may take a break. Please know that there’s nothing “wrong” with you; you’re just human.

Sexual desire is a very tenuous thing: it can come and go many times—and the more you worry about it, the worse you’ll feel. Remember that anxiety is the enemy of desire. So first, give yourself permission to feel just the way you do.

There! Feel a little better? Now you need to decide on your second step.

There is no magic formula or “sexual peak.” Everyone is different, and I can’t tell you anything about yourself because I don’t know you. You know yourself best, and I suspect if you examine your past experiences, messages you got about sex and your feelings about your current relationship, you’ll have some insights into what’s going on.

Ask yourself what changed about your feelings since you first met. Do you think about sex—not with him, but with others? Do you daydream about sex with celebrities, etc.? Do you self-pleasure? Have sexy dreams? If so, that would indicate that you’re interested in sex, but you’re not interested in sex with him. This could be an indicator that it’s the relationship that’s problematic, not sex in and of itself.

On the other hand, if you DON’T think about sex ever, if it’s not a priority for you, then you may be repressing sexual feelings, or you’re just not that interested in sex. We all go through periods in our life when our sexual interests fluctuate—just like our interests in other aspects of life.

It’s also possible that your partner no longer turns you on. It may be helpful for you to take an inventory of characteristics that you find attractive or interesting. Does he have any of those qualities, or are you feeling like you SHOULD be turned on regardless? Remember you’re not going to get pizza by hanging out at a steak restaurant.

And, of course, many other factors can influence desire. You might also examine what else has been happening in your life that may have affected you. Are you content with yourself, with your life, with your relationship? Are there any family or work crises? And how’s your physical health? There are numerous medical conditions that can also contribute to lack of desire.

Are you anxious? If you’re feeling anxious or unsure of yourself, your desire for sex will be affected. Or you may have conflicting feelings about being sexual, based on earlier issues in your life. Or you may actually FEEL desire, but suppress it, due to feeling conflicted. Are you aware of any reasons you may have for avoiding sex with others?

There could be other reasons you’re not turned on: If you’re worried about pleasing your partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it, this can be a turn-off. The other message that many of us receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.

And, of course, there’s the whole issue of your boyfriend’s attitudes and behaviors and whether any of those are affecting your desire. Is sex mostly about HIS pleasure rather than yours? It sounds to me as though he may be putting pressure on you to make sex better for him.

So, to recap: you may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or you may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any are true for you. Remember not to put pressure on yourself. I’m wondering what YOU think is contributing to this and whether you’ve taken any actions to try to change it. You’ve probably got more insight than you realize. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
2 Comments
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hey becca. i'm 25 & i've had this prob 4 a while, & i understand your frustration. here's a question: how much water do you drink? myself, i hate drinking it. it's like a chore. for a long time i couldn't figure out why my b/f & i would be in the middle of things & i'd just go dry... i'd still want sex, but i couldn't get wet anymore no matter how hard we tried. i started getting back into drinking water on a regular basis & dropped the sodas because i noticed a big change in my body overall. & guess what? i couldn't stop being wet when we had sex. i didn't really put 2 & 2 together until after the problem stopped. maybe before you have sex, drink an extra glass of water or just up your water intake all together & cut back on sodas/ coffee/ tea because they actually dehydrate you even more. i hope this answer helps & if not, you really might want to see a doctor about it to make sure everything's okay:)
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