Can an addiction cause you to lose your sex drive?

[Lonelymom]

My husband and I are seperated right now but part of the seperation was because he was addicted to downers. He would take hydrocodone, xanax, and even oxycotin (when he could get a hold of it) on a daily basis by the handfulls. Then he would drink a six pack of smirinoffs everynight. He would get so messed up he wouldn't be able to stand straight. His words would be slurred and he would fall asleep in mid sentence.

He is now clean and still fighting the want, but he has absolutely no sex drive. We are considering getting back together but I see his no sex drive as being a problem. Can he has lost his sex drive because of the addiction?? If so is there anything we can do to bring it back??

Until this is resolved getting back together isn't going to happen.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi. I'm glad you're going to see a counselor. One last comment: be sure to be supportive and nonconfrontational. He's probably blaming himself, feeling defensive, etc., and the more you let him know that you're in it for the long haul, that you're there for him, etc., the sooner he'll be able to let go of his self-blaming.

[Lonelymom]

He says he is interested in sex with me. He has never been one to masturbate. We made love the other night and he couldn't have an orgasm. He also after trying for an hour went limp. I think this is because of the pills and this is why he doesn't want to have sex. He is to embarrased over not being able to keep an erection and then not being able to have an orgasm.

He knows how that hurts me and doesn't want to upset me so he refuses sex to keep from it happening.

We will be seeking counseling soon.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

I can't answer your questions--only your husband can.

Have you asked him whether he is interested in sex in general and also whether he has any desire to be sexual--either with himself or with you? These are important questions for him to consider because the answers will give him insights.

Anything that becomes an obssessive need can put everything else on the back burner. Thank about times in your life when you've been in crisis, for instance. How interested were you in sex? How about when a child is ill? Sex usually takes a back burner when there's a crisis. Trying to start a new life off downers is a crisis for him.

This is an ongoing process for the two of you to experience together. As he becomes more accustomed to life without downers, his desire may come back--or it may not. I suggest you two see a counselor training to help couples with sexual concerns. Best of luck to you. Dr. J