Aa
Concerns after sex
Dear Doctor:
About two weeks ago, I slept with my girlfriend, and lost my virginity to her. It was fun and I lasted for a long time, but I was not able to orgasm. In fact, after two hours, my leg got a cramp and I had to stop. What bothered me was that whenever she rode me or I penetrated her, I had some muscular discomfort on my leg or hips. I am 20 years old so I doubt that age is not the problem. After sex, my inability to orgasm led me to conclude that I was gay by assumption. However, after reading several online blogs, I read that there are quite a few people who have my same inability to orgasm.I was a little afraid to have sex with my girlfriend because she has herpes and while I wore a condom, I still had some fears and pulled out several times. I have a history of anxiety attacks, but I do not take anti-anxiety medication. A week later, I have the occasional "Am I gay?" panic attack due to this inability to orgasm. I have been straight for me whole life (with the exception of nominally bisexual phase, which I merely said I was bi because it got me more attention due to the popularity of emo music at the time.) My concern about being homosexual had made me test myself by staring men in the eyes to test my sexuality. Nowadays, I try to avoid men in general out of fear though when I talk to my fellow gender, I am not afraid. Recently, I also find myself less physically interested in girls, which seems to be prompted due to my fears though my girlfriend seems to be able to get me erect when she texts dirty ideas. However, nude women photographs are not as stimulating as before. However, i do not fantasize about men either. I am really concerned because I want things to return the way they were before. I really hope it is merely an anxiety problem since I have had a history of panic attacks in my life.
About two weeks ago, I slept with my girlfriend, and lost my virginity to her. It was fun and I lasted for a long time, but I was not able to orgasm. In fact, after two hours, my leg got a cramp and I had to stop. What bothered me was that whenever she rode me or I penetrated her, I had some muscular discomfort on my leg or hips. I am 20 years old so I doubt that age is not the problem. After sex, my inability to orgasm led me to conclude that I was gay by assumption. However, after reading several online blogs, I read that there are quite a few people who have my same inability to orgasm.I was a little afraid to have sex with my girlfriend because she has herpes and while I wore a condom, I still had some fears and pulled out several times. I have a history of anxiety attacks, but I do not take anti-anxiety medication. A week later, I have the occasional "Am I gay?" panic attack due to this inability to orgasm. I have been straight for me whole life (with the exception of nominally bisexual phase, which I merely said I was bi because it got me more attention due to the popularity of emo music at the time.) My concern about being homosexual had made me test myself by staring men in the eyes to test my sexuality. Nowadays, I try to avoid men in general out of fear though when I talk to my fellow gender, I am not afraid. Recently, I also find myself less physically interested in girls, which seems to be prompted due to my fears though my girlfriend seems to be able to get me erect when she texts dirty ideas. However, nude women photographs are not as stimulating as before. However, i do not fantasize about men either. I am really concerned because I want things to return the way they were before. I really hope it is merely an anxiety problem since I have had a history of panic attacks in my life.
It was your first time so don't sweat it. And that does not especially make you gay so just erase that from your brain. Your freaked out cause your girl got herpes and your subconscious mind is making you panic. Make sure your girl gets that under control. She should of let you wait until you got married. She's a little fast, I mean she got herpes and now she took your virtue. See this is why sex is meant to be kept in the covenant of marriage. good luck
Don't panic. It was your first time. Sex isn't like it is in the movies it's not perfect first time and sometimes it will go wrong and won't orgasm (or it won't be an earth shattering scream the house down one!)
I would recommend that your girlfriend seeks medical advice and gets her herpes treated before you have sex again
I would recommend that your girlfriend seeks medical advice and gets her herpes treated before you have sex again
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
Well, you've really over-thought this into a major problem, haven't you? It's a perfect case of worry and anxiety creating a problem that wasn't there in the first place. And it's also a good example of how homophobia can create major issues. If you're interested in men, that will become obvious to you. Then you simply need to figure out whether you're attracted to both women and men, or men only.
But it doesn't sound like that's the case for you. Rather, you're so worried about your sexual orientation, you've shut down. And let's not forget the herpes issue, which can also create anxiety.
Let me be clear: most people have been exposed to herpes, whether they've had one partner or many. Some people will give you well-meaning but inaccurate advice. Just because a person has herpes, it doesn't mean they're somehow damaged or wrong. That's a moral judgement, which you're free to ignore. Or if it fits with your view of the universe, then perhaps it will resonate with you.
Are you still getting erections upon awakening? Do you have erotic thoughts? If so, then that should tell you that there's nothing physiological going on, and you're still experiencing sexual desire. So the problem is simply situational.
Take a step back and look at the issues I've discussed. Take a deep breath, relax and decide just what it is you want. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Well, you've really over-thought this into a major problem, haven't you? It's a perfect case of worry and anxiety creating a problem that wasn't there in the first place. And it's also a good example of how homophobia can create major issues. If you're interested in men, that will become obvious to you. Then you simply need to figure out whether you're attracted to both women and men, or men only.
But it doesn't sound like that's the case for you. Rather, you're so worried about your sexual orientation, you've shut down. And let's not forget the herpes issue, which can also create anxiety.
Let me be clear: most people have been exposed to herpes, whether they've had one partner or many. Some people will give you well-meaning but inaccurate advice. Just because a person has herpes, it doesn't mean they're somehow damaged or wrong. That's a moral judgement, which you're free to ignore. Or if it fits with your view of the universe, then perhaps it will resonate with you.
Are you still getting erections upon awakening? Do you have erotic thoughts? If so, then that should tell you that there's nothing physiological going on, and you're still experiencing sexual desire. So the problem is simply situational.
Take a step back and look at the issues I've discussed. Take a deep breath, relax and decide just what it is you want. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
