Aa
Fullfillment
Hi Doc.J, I enjoy having sex and am interested in new ways. My boyfriend is very excited by anal sex and generally more interested in that area instead of my vagina. I was open to the anal sex but now have all sorts of problems there since we tried it three times i.e.piles and growths/ skin tags. He seems to care but when we are excited he alwyas tries to penetrate me always from behind. It seems he enjoys rubbing his penis between my thighs and buttocks even if no penetration occurs. I sometimes enjoy it but it's not very satisfing if he is only doing this. I am very attracted to him and enjoy giving him oral pleasure also but I am becomming frustrated with his lack of interest in my bodily needs. I have tried so may times to explain my feelings with him. Although he listens he always says he can't help that he is not as attracted to the vagina as the anus and he doesn't like touching me there at all.It can really upset me when he says this as I feel rejected or at least a part of me is rejected. What can I do?
well. that's sad to hear...keep your head up high....good things will come to you
Hi, I do understand your situation and I know it is so hard to manage the case in a proper way. The best for you is to show less pleasure and or sometimes by just face discomformity with and after anal sex however you aren`t to hurt his feelings. This is because he loves you. On the other hand, you should somehow get very excited when having vaginal intercourse in a way that would motivate him towards your fantasy leading towards a safe relationship and satisfaction. Good Luck .
Cyrus
Cyrus
Your boyfriend seems VERY selfish. It takes 2 to make a relationship work, which means both need to compromise and work at the relationship. He gets pleasure from you and yet won't give you pleasure. I don't doubt that you love and care for him, but this isn't the best relationship. He needs to stop being so selfish and do more of what you would like. I would really look at this relationship and see if it is worth staying. If he doesn't change, I would really think about leaving. There are other men out there who will be loving, caring, and willing to do many things for you. good luck
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
Life is so much more complicated than just ending a relationship because part of it isn't working, as you've so astutely observed.
Let's look at the facts: your boyfriend is uncomfortable with your vulva, and we don't know why. It's possible that because of cultural or family messages, he feels that part of you is "dirty." It's also possible that something else is contributing to this conflict.
In order to have a long and mutually satisfying relationship, the two of you need to get to the bottom of this mystery. But don't make it his problem: it's actually something that's affecting both of you, so you need to cooperate in order to proceed.
I'd suggest you talk with him further and share your feelings, but not in a confrontational way. You could say something like: "I know you'r'e not comfortable with touching my vulva and with doing penis-vagina sex. I also know that's a very important part of my life. So can we talk about some possible ways to explore our sexuality and find mutually satisfying activities?" I'd start by suggesting you read a book together. It's called "The New Male Sexuality," by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available online, both used and in paperback. Reading this book will stimulate many discussions and will also give him the opportunity to explore his attitudes. I'm guessing by the time you've finished the book, he'll have some excellent insights into what's been going on for him.
If he's unwilling to take these steps with you, that would indicate that he's probably not yet willing to learn more about himself. Admittedly, examiniing these issues can be scary, so give him some time. However, if he's ultimately unwilling, then you need to decide whether you'd like to stay in an essentially sexless relationship. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Life is so much more complicated than just ending a relationship because part of it isn't working, as you've so astutely observed.
Let's look at the facts: your boyfriend is uncomfortable with your vulva, and we don't know why. It's possible that because of cultural or family messages, he feels that part of you is "dirty." It's also possible that something else is contributing to this conflict.
In order to have a long and mutually satisfying relationship, the two of you need to get to the bottom of this mystery. But don't make it his problem: it's actually something that's affecting both of you, so you need to cooperate in order to proceed.
I'd suggest you talk with him further and share your feelings, but not in a confrontational way. You could say something like: "I know you'r'e not comfortable with touching my vulva and with doing penis-vagina sex. I also know that's a very important part of my life. So can we talk about some possible ways to explore our sexuality and find mutually satisfying activities?" I'd start by suggesting you read a book together. It's called "The New Male Sexuality," by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available online, both used and in paperback. Reading this book will stimulate many discussions and will also give him the opportunity to explore his attitudes. I'm guessing by the time you've finished the book, he'll have some excellent insights into what's been going on for him.
If he's unwilling to take these steps with you, that would indicate that he's probably not yet willing to learn more about himself. Admittedly, examiniing these issues can be scary, so give him some time. However, if he's ultimately unwilling, then you need to decide whether you'd like to stay in an essentially sexless relationship. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Hi Concerned62, I'm not sure you understand, I do realise lovemaking is a two way thing. That's just it I wouldn't force him to do something knowing he doesn't actually enjoy it! I can't make him enjoy it (I have tried) this is what hurts me so. I do get great pleasure just giving him pleasure it's just every now and then I wish he would activate those parts of my body. I really don't want to drop him as it's how I feel when I am with him, he makes me feel very loved and is attentive in his own unique way. I guess there is no work around for this when you love someone that includes loving them for their shortcommings and respecting their preferences.
The best thing I would say is drop him like a hot potato. He is self centered and lovemaking is for the two people and not just one. He is a sicko
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Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
