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How to improve sex with my husband
Sex with my very "vanilla" husband has become boring and frustrating. While he agrees that we need to engage in more foreplay, when we're in the bedroom, he wants to rush right into intercourse. Then to top it off, he lasts about 1 minute. Then he quickly loses interest in helping me enjoy a real orgasm. He always apologizes for "losing his head," but his apologies ring hollow. He doesn't seem to be sincerely looking for ways to change in the bedroom.
I've told him a number of times that I would like him to caress me all over my body, not just head directly to my private parts. I've told him about the "Ladies First" principle. I've asked him many times to spank me. I've suggested that role playing would be fun. When we're having a discussion, he seems to understand and agree that "we need more practice", but when we're in bed, it's back to his old habits.
I make an effort to wear sexy lingerie and massage him and pleasure him with hand jobs and lots of oral sex. He claims he has no complaints about our sex life. He repeatedly tells our sex life is the best he's ever had. I wish I could say the same, but I can't. I am sick and tired of our lackluster, boring sex life and I feel powerless in trying to change it.
At this point I'm feeling frustrated and a little angry. Talk is cheap. How can I get my message across to him effectively, without making him feel like he's a lousy lover. I feel as if I'm always going the extra mile and still getting the short end of the stick.
He and I married 2 years ago. We are both 58 and have been seeing each other for 5 years.
I've told him a number of times that I would like him to caress me all over my body, not just head directly to my private parts. I've told him about the "Ladies First" principle. I've asked him many times to spank me. I've suggested that role playing would be fun. When we're having a discussion, he seems to understand and agree that "we need more practice", but when we're in bed, it's back to his old habits.
I make an effort to wear sexy lingerie and massage him and pleasure him with hand jobs and lots of oral sex. He claims he has no complaints about our sex life. He repeatedly tells our sex life is the best he's ever had. I wish I could say the same, but I can't. I am sick and tired of our lackluster, boring sex life and I feel powerless in trying to change it.
At this point I'm feeling frustrated and a little angry. Talk is cheap. How can I get my message across to him effectively, without making him feel like he's a lousy lover. I feel as if I'm always going the extra mile and still getting the short end of the stick.
He and I married 2 years ago. We are both 58 and have been seeing each other for 5 years.
ok, i had it right the first time..that's great, ok..I'm really,really tired..sorry!!! :)
oops, I mean your husband!!! Sorry! :) that's embarassing..my only excuse is it's morning and i'm still waking up! :)
Isn't it funny that there are always people at the other end of the spectrum? I'm a husband who's in the exact same position with my wife that the first poster is/was. My wife was interested in sex and was orgasmic prior to going on Zoloft and Synthroid about 10 years ago. Since then, however, with every increase in the dosages of either medication, there has come a measurable decrease in the frequency and interest in sex, and a much greater difficulty in achieving orgasm. We, at this point, are having sex about 3 times per year over the past 3 years (since the birth of our second child a year ago) and since going on zoloft have required the use of a vibrator to achieve orgasm.
I can completely attest to the positive power of Zoloft to help panic and related disorders, but every persoon who takes it runs a risk of experiencing a reduced libido. My wife is one of those people. And, to be honest, I'd rather have a sexless marriage than to have the nearly psychotic partner that she was prior to the medication (Zoloft is a miracle worker for certain conditions!).
My problem, then, is that I don't know how to adequately stifle my own sex drive, which in no way has diminished (I'm 37 and she's 38). She doesn't want to have sex, she says that she simply doesn't feel sexy. I've tried date nights, giving her gifts of lingerie, bathing her, and doing most of what any good or bad advice column has ever said and the fact remains that there is a definite gulf between us now sexually.
This is a very difficult place to be, and one that makes me feel horrible every time I start to initiate intimacy with her. I know she's going to not react, or if she does, that reaction will go nowhere. So, I tell myself that I should just not touch her in that way, should not kiss her neck in the way that has always made her aroused, or do the things that I know make her feel good sexually, because they simply no longer do the same thing.
I don't want to push or pressure her, and discussions as to how to resolve the problem have resulted in arguments and very hurt feelings. But I also don't want to spend the forseeable future without sex. I have no idea what to do.
I only wish that my wife was as interested in sex as the first poster - you can't imagine the jealous yearning I experienced reading that.
Does anyone have any ideas?
I can completely attest to the positive power of Zoloft to help panic and related disorders, but every persoon who takes it runs a risk of experiencing a reduced libido. My wife is one of those people. And, to be honest, I'd rather have a sexless marriage than to have the nearly psychotic partner that she was prior to the medication (Zoloft is a miracle worker for certain conditions!).
My problem, then, is that I don't know how to adequately stifle my own sex drive, which in no way has diminished (I'm 37 and she's 38). She doesn't want to have sex, she says that she simply doesn't feel sexy. I've tried date nights, giving her gifts of lingerie, bathing her, and doing most of what any good or bad advice column has ever said and the fact remains that there is a definite gulf between us now sexually.
This is a very difficult place to be, and one that makes me feel horrible every time I start to initiate intimacy with her. I know she's going to not react, or if she does, that reaction will go nowhere. So, I tell myself that I should just not touch her in that way, should not kiss her neck in the way that has always made her aroused, or do the things that I know make her feel good sexually, because they simply no longer do the same thing.
I don't want to push or pressure her, and discussions as to how to resolve the problem have resulted in arguments and very hurt feelings. But I also don't want to spend the forseeable future without sex. I have no idea what to do.
I only wish that my wife was as interested in sex as the first poster - you can't imagine the jealous yearning I experienced reading that.
Does anyone have any ideas?
Sorry, dixiegrl, don't mean to take away from your post but...
goodfortune & mihapiha, do you EVER recommend anything OTHER than drugs? STOP ADVERTISING MEDICATIONS for people you DON'T KNOW! People post here looking for SERIOUS advice. Telling them to turn to pills is NOT GOOD ADVICE. If you do NOT have sincere advice then do NOT post.
goodfortune & mihapiha, do you EVER recommend anything OTHER than drugs? STOP ADVERTISING MEDICATIONS for people you DON'T KNOW! People post here looking for SERIOUS advice. Telling them to turn to pills is NOT GOOD ADVICE. If you do NOT have sincere advice then do NOT post.
Are you sure that there's no health or emotional reason for his lack of endurance? Does he have diabeties or high blood pressure? Does he take any daily medicines that may have sexual side effects? Seek this out first then tell him that you both should seek counseling for this problem. Maybe then he will take what you have told him seriously and try some changes with you.
Just skip the Zoloft. It could turn him into a zombie.
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