I don't know what to call it

[babygirl32]

Hi everyone. I have known this person for 14 years . Him and I have always been together except when i was with my fathers daughter. He was the most beautiful person in the world even very supportive after my breakup . I know his daughters and everything . He had his relationships and always came to me . I have the blame also because i didn't stop him from this, i recognize it. The fact is that i enjoyed being with him . Now this is the situation . He began looking for me again in June 2007 and i went back with him knowing that he had someone. He has always known that i want another child having in mind that i am very independent and do for my self. On dec29/07 i called him up to let him know he was going to be a dad , this turn the devil in him and he insulted me telling me i will never see him again and to forget about everything, ok with me i just hung up the phone and till this day and time i have never callled him again. His daughters calll me once in a while but i know its just give him info, they say give daddy some time he will come along. I'm tired of this bull **** and very happy enjoying my pregnancy. What has bothered me the most is that he has not had the courage to call and at least be concern for his child . My patience has decreased and I feeling twisted to go an uncover him because he is not going to hurt me that way . Having in mind i don't want no drama and positively not even him , he could stay where he at. People, I just would like to have some serious input from ya since i needed to vent . i gave this man all my early years and he has just taken it for granted just like that , come on it bothers . I just want him to recognize his baby and keep it moving . Answers please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

Lets be honest here. You never had a conversation with him where he decided to have a  baby with you, did you?  Well, without that, he might have some legal responsibilities , but he has no emotional one. You are having a baby he did not sign up for. You shouldn't be surprised that he is angry- after all, a baby is a lifetime relationship--and everyone should have the option to choose whether to be a mother or a father,

This hasnt been an upfront relationship from the beginning. He has kept you on the sidelines- and you have let him do so. That is hard on  your heart-you must have cared for him deeply- after all, he is the man you chose for the father of your child. The fact is, however, he has never really chosen you to be the person he loves and takes care of. He has not been there for you-- even in the fact that he didn't use contraception and wasn't concerned about what might happen.  

You may need and want child support for your child. But the quicker you disentangle yourself from the relationship, the better. I know it is hard if you are friends with his family, his daughters, etc. But this really isn't your family, and you don't want to just keep getting angry and hurt and let all those toxic emotions consume you. You need to tend to your baby, your financial security-and ultimately, some other man, who could really love you, in your life.

[penwill65]

yes i agree , tell his wife, she at least deserves that...............and the baby deserves help growing up, he needs to know his father and he should have to pay child support also.

[rilbrianne]

First, you shouldn't have been involved with a married man. Second, this baby is going to mess with his current situation, that's why he's blowing you off.  He just came around to get laid.  You have 2 choices, enjoy your new baby alone, or collect child support.  Another thing you could do, be a decent person and tell his wife he's a cheating *******.  She deserves that at least.

[surfgirl709]

seems to me you don't know what you want, and you are not being honest with yourself........if you wanted a baby, you have it.  YOU, not him.

[vmvnpv]

Couldn't have said it better than whatisay.  You have to accept some of the responsibility.  You should have never messed around with a guy who was in another relationship.  What did you expect him to do?  Dump the other woman when he found out you were pg and stay with you?

[whatisay]

Let me get this straight- You have been having sex with him on the side for years- and you wonder why he takes you for granted.  Maybe becasue you were his little toy.  He did not have to deal with a real relationship so it was easy and fun.  

Ok, you wanted a baby- What birth control did you use during your affair with him?  Did you both agree not to use it and that he would help you have another baby?  If you did this on your own, you should expect that this change might upset him.  if he agreed to it, then he is just a jerk.

So, you have a man who now has a baby he most likely did not want.   IIf you expose him wil that make him recognize the child or just make him more angry?  The baby has thrown off the situation he has had for years.  He will need to adjust to that.  Look, he only came around you when HE needed something- why to expect him to come aroudn when YOU need something.  

He has an obligation to help- at least financially with the child, after that you have to determine whether you want this man to be involved.  Not becasue he all fathers should, but because you beleive his involvment will be a benefit to the baby.  If he is going to be invloved in an angrey harmful way, then just let him go.