Lover offers unsolicited sexual history

[BudInMaine]

I'm 41. In a nice relationship. No physical sexual problems. Enjoy each other physically to the fullest.

Smetimes, however, my partner will begin sharing her sexual history, though I have never asked for it.

I

[green eyed lady]

I think she is trying to make you jealous and it's working...I know because I'm a woman and sometimes we like to see our BFs get all worked up over a past lover, etc., it makes us feel wanted and loved to think our man is so jealous. However, I think she is extreme and thoughtless to share the kind of stories that she's sharing! I mean she's telling you about getting fingered by another man, that's terrible AND tasteless!

I think you need to sit her down and TELL HER HOW UNACCEPTABLE these stories are and if she values your relationship she must stop, pronto! Please for your own peace of mind do this soon and if she continues then I think you need to rethink this relationship because something with her is not right. Good luck to you.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

You have every right not to want to have those images in your head. And I wonder why she does it so often. It may just be that she remembers something and just says the things that come to mind. Or she may be bragging  or she may be insecure- wanting you to know she has had many lovers. In any case, if it is not interesting to you, and it is making you have images you don't want, tell her, in clear, direct, no uncertain terms that you don't want to hear these kinds of remarks and stories. Tell her that you care for her and don't really want to focus on what she has done with other men. Make it clear that it is a small thing to ask- she can talk with her girlfriends or someone else about her memories- these are not memories you treasure or need.

If she insists on divulging her whole life, then she has some of these deeper personal issues to solve and you should tell her to talk to a therapist about her insistance on sharing these details you don't want to hear. Hopefully, however, she will realize she is making your unhappy and just cut it out.