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Boyfriend unsure if he loves me after std
I'm having a lot of problems getting out what I want to say in this post, because I'm still having issues dealing with the problem in general, but here goes nothing.
My boyfriend and I, --who have been slowly falling for each other over a long distance for the past 7 months, but officially declared this love about 3 weeks ago when we were together for a prolonged vacation--have run into a large rough patch and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I was visiting him 3 weeks ago--we hadn't seen each other in 6 months--and we finally had sex. It was amazing and beautiful and I have absolutely no regrets. Until last week, when during one of our usual lovey-dovey daily phone calls, he tells me that we have a problem, and it's Chlamydia. Now, any of you familiar with this STD knows that it's cureable and the least worrisome out of the myriad STDs that we could have gotten. Now, my boyfriend is the one who hasn't had sex since about 5 months ago, though I was having sex up until about 3 months ago (things were all over the place with us, we didn't wanna be in a relationship because the distance was too difficult so we opted just to be friends, but we couldn't stay that way--the feelings were overwhelming). Anyways, I'm assuming it's my fault, though it may very well not be and I can't really find out because in August I was taken advantage of by another guy and I never said anything to anyone because I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I don't want to call it "rape" because I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that I blacked out for the entire night and I woke up naked...
My boyfriend and I, --who have been slowly falling for each other over a long distance for the past 7 months, but officially declared this love about 3 weeks ago when we were together for a prolonged vacation--have run into a large rough patch and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I was visiting him 3 weeks ago--we hadn't seen each other in 6 months--and we finally had sex. It was amazing and beautiful and I have absolutely no regrets. Until last week, when during one of our usual lovey-dovey daily phone calls, he tells me that we have a problem, and it's Chlamydia. Now, any of you familiar with this STD knows that it's cureable and the least worrisome out of the myriad STDs that we could have gotten. Now, my boyfriend is the one who hasn't had sex since about 5 months ago, though I was having sex up until about 3 months ago (things were all over the place with us, we didn't wanna be in a relationship because the distance was too difficult so we opted just to be friends, but we couldn't stay that way--the feelings were overwhelming). Anyways, I'm assuming it's my fault, though it may very well not be and I can't really find out because in August I was taken advantage of by another guy and I never said anything to anyone because I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I don't want to call it "rape" because I'm not sure what happened. All I know is that I blacked out for the entire night and I woke up naked...
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Ok- so here's the situation. You had sex with someone else. Not someone you were in love with ,and while you were separated from him. You may have contracted a disease then, fortunately one that is curable.
He certainly has the right to be upset about the STD ( which we don't know came from you but may have) the question is, what is he going to do about it? You didn't do it on purpose and you are monogamous now= the question is what are you to each other now and what kind of promises could you make to each other to never put each other in jeopardy again?
Tell him how you feel and you are terribly sorry and would never knowingly put him in jeopardy as you are sure he would not do to you. So , how about making a pledge of monogamy now, and starting over and being true to one another? You were separated and there were no promises made. This would be different.
Hopefully he loves you enough- and you love him enough- to make this pledge and recommit to one another. If he won't do it, it will hurt I am sure but you will know where he stands and you will have to find someone who can accept your past- and move forward. Those people are out there- and hopefully your guy can be one of them.
He certainly has the right to be upset about the STD ( which we don't know came from you but may have) the question is, what is he going to do about it? You didn't do it on purpose and you are monogamous now= the question is what are you to each other now and what kind of promises could you make to each other to never put each other in jeopardy again?
Tell him how you feel and you are terribly sorry and would never knowingly put him in jeopardy as you are sure he would not do to you. So , how about making a pledge of monogamy now, and starting over and being true to one another? You were separated and there were no promises made. This would be different.
Hopefully he loves you enough- and you love him enough- to make this pledge and recommit to one another. If he won't do it, it will hurt I am sure but you will know where he stands and you will have to find someone who can accept your past- and move forward. Those people are out there- and hopefully your guy can be one of them.
Ok..a couple things are coming to mind here. First off... He is upset that you got raped and doesnt want to deal with it?? WTH is that? This was not your fault, you did not ask for it to happen and if he is such a great guy and your BF then he should be there to support you and help you through this. He must have understood why you were so hesitant to mention it to him or anyone else.
Regardless of who gave who what (and im hoping you dont have it so you throw it in his face like he's being to you) There seems to be more going on to add to the feeling of trust he is claiming he has lost. Are we sure that HE isnt screwing around or done anything behind your back that he isnt coming clean about?
Just because you feel you know someone inside and out isnt always the case. Especially with long distance relationships. They rarely work out.
Regardless of who gave who what (and im hoping you dont have it so you throw it in his face like he's being to you) There seems to be more going on to add to the feeling of trust he is claiming he has lost. Are we sure that HE isnt screwing around or done anything behind your back that he isnt coming clean about?
Just because you feel you know someone inside and out isnt always the case. Especially with long distance relationships. They rarely work out.
i know this feeling except i know it was my fault because my man has never slept with anyone else and if you knew him trust me you would believe it. Not that he is ugly he's just a chicken s***! We have been together since we were 16 off and on and had our daughter at 17. I got herpes last year and unfortunately it is not cureable and very hard to diagnose so he doesn't even know if he has it and if he does he has had no symptoms. Yours is cureable and your man is running? I don't think he is worth your time!! My man stayed with me knowing i most likely gave him a horrible std that can not be cured and is difficult to manage!!! I think you should find someone who will love you no matter what not only when you are good in bed or healthy in bed!
lol! I got yer back. :)
If he's a shadow of his former self and has severe depression, then there's a lot more going on than just getting chlamydia from someone he knows inside out and backwards.
He needs to understand and explore what that may be. If he already knows what it is, then it would be helpful if he shares it with you. I honestly don't think this ALL came about because of this one incident...it sounds more like this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
He needs to understand and explore what that may be. If he already knows what it is, then it would be helpful if he shares it with you. I honestly don't think this ALL came about because of this one incident...it sounds more like this is the straw that broke the camel's back.
YES...exactly...the straw that broke the camels back. that just about sums it all up! i guess thats all i was trying to say somewhere in my babbling post..lol!
I'm hoping that you don't have chlamydia and then you watch him backpeddle. Then you can kick his judgmental butt to the curb. What a crock...
What utter nonsense. Your bf is jealous of people in your past? Can't cope because you were *raped*? Okay, maybe he's like a lot of posters on the STD boards and has a hugely overinflated sense of the dangers of STDs. Or maybe he's blaming you for something that could just as easily have been his own fault (meaning he gave it to you). Maybe he had it before the relationship, or maybe more likely, he's had other partners recently and is deflecting blame by putting it all on you. Wouldn't it be amusing if it turns out you don't even have chlamydia...
I don't know. To be honest, I don't think this bodes well for your future. He clearly has some issues, and there's more going on here than meets the eye. Given the newness of your relationship and all of the other hurdles, I'm not sure it's probably not worth your time or effort to try to salvage the relationship. I would definitely think this one through very carefully, maybe seek counseling. I wish you the best of luck.
I don't know. To be honest, I don't think this bodes well for your future. He clearly has some issues, and there's more going on here than meets the eye. Given the newness of your relationship and all of the other hurdles, I'm not sure it's probably not worth your time or effort to try to salvage the relationship. I would definitely think this one through very carefully, maybe seek counseling. I wish you the best of luck.
So I'm assuming that's what happened.
Anyways, I told my boyfriend, because I saw how upset he was about the STD and though I'd kept the potential "rape" from any of my friends (aside from one), I told him thinking he would be sympathetic to my guilt about giving him the STD also. Instead, he's so upset with me and I can understand that, but it's getting to the point where he's not the same. He told me he's unsure how he feels about me, whether or not he wants to continue this relationship, doesn't know if he can trust me, doesn't know if things can go back to normal and even if they do, it'll take a lot of work and time because this has changed everything. I get that, and I'm not trying to just make the situation all better over night but does anybody have any suggestions on what I can do to help speed the healing process? I have exams (I'm graduating from University) and a lot of stress from that alone, but now I have this STD and on top of that, this love that I'd never known before is not the same--he barely even talks to me, admitting it's because he's still upset.
Please help...
Anyways, I told my boyfriend, because I saw how upset he was about the STD and though I'd kept the potential "rape" from any of my friends (aside from one), I told him thinking he would be sympathetic to my guilt about giving him the STD also. Instead, he's so upset with me and I can understand that, but it's getting to the point where he's not the same. He told me he's unsure how he feels about me, whether or not he wants to continue this relationship, doesn't know if he can trust me, doesn't know if things can go back to normal and even if they do, it'll take a lot of work and time because this has changed everything. I get that, and I'm not trying to just make the situation all better over night but does anybody have any suggestions on what I can do to help speed the healing process? I have exams (I'm graduating from University) and a lot of stress from that alone, but now I have this STD and on top of that, this love that I'd never known before is not the same--he barely even talks to me, admitting it's because he's still upset.
Please help...
im so sorry to hear about this. that same thing happened to a good friend, she was given the date rape drug and woke up in her underwear. the guy was still there scared he might have killed her. she kicked him out and i dont know if she ever reported him. when most think of rape they wonder how you put yourself into that situation, who says you did? you didnt ask for that to happen. long distance relationships are hard enough, and what your past sexual history is, is just that. hopefully he will realize this and be more understanding, but if he doesnt, you dont need a lifelong commitment to someone that always throws your past in your face.
Well I understand where you are all coming from and I can see how you're all much more pessimistic than I am. The relationship is relatively new, but it's not so much that we don't know each other inside out and backwards. Also, his symptoms only appeared now after I left visiting him--after we'd only just had sex for the very first time...so most likely it's me that gave him the STD--also realizing what the symptoms are now, I probably had it for a while since I was showing signs, I just attributed them to stress and just regular abnormalities that I've always had.
As for being taken advantage of, there's not a lot I can say about that. I didn't report it because I thought it was my fault. He's having problems with it, perhaps because I never mentioned it before and given our open relationship it seems sketchy that I never did and only brought it up now in defense of a bad situation.
I don't want to call it quits, and I don't think he does either, judging by the fact that we're both trying really hard to just get past this. I know it'll continue to be hard for both of us but I think we have it in us to fight for what we have. I just need support because he's severely depressed right now...not just with me but with everyone. He;s a shadow of his former self and I just need people to tell me it's going to be ok.
As for being taken advantage of, there's not a lot I can say about that. I didn't report it because I thought it was my fault. He's having problems with it, perhaps because I never mentioned it before and given our open relationship it seems sketchy that I never did and only brought it up now in defense of a bad situation.
I don't want to call it quits, and I don't think he does either, judging by the fact that we're both trying really hard to just get past this. I know it'll continue to be hard for both of us but I think we have it in us to fight for what we have. I just need support because he's severely depressed right now...not just with me but with everyone. He;s a shadow of his former self and I just need people to tell me it's going to be ok.
i really dont wanna be a big poopie head but you asked a question, you got responses and you seem to be defending him and have it all worked out? i guess what i am trying to say is that no matter what we say you have your mind made up.
no one here can say its going to be fine. perhaps it will perhaps it wont. only time will tell. i hope it works out for you guys but your 1st post it seems as if he wants out. as soon as we side with you, you run to his defense.
it also sounds like he has a lot of soul searching and thinking to do. i dont get the feeling he quite knows what he wants right now. dont try to figure it out for him.
best o luck!
no one here can say its going to be fine. perhaps it will perhaps it wont. only time will tell. i hope it works out for you guys but your 1st post it seems as if he wants out. as soon as we side with you, you run to his defense.
it also sounds like he has a lot of soul searching and thinking to do. i dont get the feeling he quite knows what he wants right now. dont try to figure it out for him.
best o luck!
Sounds like you were given the date rape drug. Now as for the STD, I would go get tested because if he has it then there is a possibility that you might as well. I am sorry that this happened to you. I wish you the very best. :)
Oh Sweetie! I am so sorry you are going through this. I to have been threw this. I had someone a couple of years ago take advantage of me. And believe me, you learn to deal with it but you never get over it.
Just remember, you are right, Love does conquer all. Give him sometime I'm sure he will learn to deal with it. I am here to listen. Feel free to unload on me. (((((HUGS))))) :)
Just remember, you are right, Love does conquer all. Give him sometime I'm sure he will learn to deal with it. I am here to listen. Feel free to unload on me. (((((HUGS))))) :)
I have been tested, waiting for the results. Currently we're both taking antibiotics...and I said that love conquers all...and love will get us through this--he's just not sure that's enough anymore. He's so upset by my "history" that he can't shake the idea that I've been with other guys. He says my judgement is flawed and thas how I got into the mess in the first place, and so what's to say I wont put myself in a position for it to happen again?
Thank you for your support it means a lot to me you have no idea. I've been going through so much and seeing as how his support is basically non-existent, I need as much as I can get. My friends have been really great, and even though he's not really present for me right now, I don't blame him because I know it's hard and it's all very new and strange and scary so I'm just waiting for him to take his time and adjust. I mean, he knows that he's being an "*******" to me, he said it himself, so at least that's something. I miss the way he used to be though...I wish I could take it all back now, but I can't and that's what's killing me on the inside. Breaking my heart, everytime we try to have a normal conversation and I get almost no response from him...
Thank you for your support it means a lot to me you have no idea. I've been going through so much and seeing as how his support is basically non-existent, I need as much as I can get. My friends have been really great, and even though he's not really present for me right now, I don't blame him because I know it's hard and it's all very new and strange and scary so I'm just waiting for him to take his time and adjust. I mean, he knows that he's being an "*******" to me, he said it himself, so at least that's something. I miss the way he used to be though...I wish I could take it all back now, but I can't and that's what's killing me on the inside. Breaking my heart, everytime we try to have a normal conversation and I get almost no response from him...
He should be more caring with you about this. Tell him if he really loves you then none of this should matter. Love conquers ALL! :)
I totally agree with Monkeyflower. Did he know that men can have Chlamydia and not even know it??? She's right, he could have had it for quite some time. I would definitely bring that issue up to him.
Best of luck!
Best of luck!
You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
