Aa
Propense to infidelity
Hello,
I am 29 yrl old and have been married for 11 yrs to a wonderful man (he is 37). He is great, we moved to a new country together, together we have achieved a lot, we have plans for the future, have great jobs, and life couldnt be better, I love him.
A few years ago he moved because of work and we only saw eachother every weekend and sometimes saw eachother every two or three weeks. At the time we had problems, I suggested counseling and he declined, I went to counseling alone but it didnt work. He was just not interested in spending time with me so I found someone who wanted to. I regret that decision and still cant forgive myself.
Although I am happy now I still feel the need to have sex with other man, I think it would add some interest to our lives. I have discussed the issue with him and he doesnt understand, I dont want to make a bad decision again but I find myself bored with the routine of my life (all aspects) and I know he is too.
Is this the sacrifice people make to be able to keep their happy marriages? Is this normal? Does it happen to other people?
Thanks for all your help, I am really concerned about my feelings.
I am 29 yrl old and have been married for 11 yrs to a wonderful man (he is 37). He is great, we moved to a new country together, together we have achieved a lot, we have plans for the future, have great jobs, and life couldnt be better, I love him.
A few years ago he moved because of work and we only saw eachother every weekend and sometimes saw eachother every two or three weeks. At the time we had problems, I suggested counseling and he declined, I went to counseling alone but it didnt work. He was just not interested in spending time with me so I found someone who wanted to. I regret that decision and still cant forgive myself.
Although I am happy now I still feel the need to have sex with other man, I think it would add some interest to our lives. I have discussed the issue with him and he doesnt understand, I dont want to make a bad decision again but I find myself bored with the routine of my life (all aspects) and I know he is too.
Is this the sacrifice people make to be able to keep their happy marriages? Is this normal? Does it happen to other people?
Thanks for all your help, I am really concerned about my feelings.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
I can’t answer your questions about why you do things because you know yourself better than anyone, and I suspect if you look deep enough, you’ll figure this out. Your questions about your attitudes are way too complex to be answered in a forum like this; however, it does sound to me as though you’re not very interested in your husband.
You’re bored with your marriage, and you think your husband is too. He also wasn’t interested in spending time with you or seeing a counselor to help with your relationship. What does this tell you? Does he appear interested in being in a relationship with you? I suspect the answer is no. It sounds as though your marriage may have reached the end of its road.
However, I can’t speak for him, since he’s not the one who is writing to me, and you are. I can only respond to what you tell me—and it sounds as though he’s not very in the relationship either. As I said, only you know the answers. If you’re truly unhappy with your current situation, you might benefit from exploring these issues with a counselor. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
I can’t answer your questions about why you do things because you know yourself better than anyone, and I suspect if you look deep enough, you’ll figure this out. Your questions about your attitudes are way too complex to be answered in a forum like this; however, it does sound to me as though you’re not very interested in your husband.
You’re bored with your marriage, and you think your husband is too. He also wasn’t interested in spending time with you or seeing a counselor to help with your relationship. What does this tell you? Does he appear interested in being in a relationship with you? I suspect the answer is no. It sounds as though your marriage may have reached the end of its road.
However, I can’t speak for him, since he’s not the one who is writing to me, and you are. I can only respond to what you tell me—and it sounds as though he’s not very in the relationship either. As I said, only you know the answers. If you’re truly unhappy with your current situation, you might benefit from exploring these issues with a counselor. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
The having sex thing works for some couples. It is a touchy subject though because sex is more than a physical aspect but also its supposed to be a time of "making love" or growing a connection to each other. If you have sex with another man there will also be that little spark of intimacy with you and another man. Also regard the consequences, are you ready to see your husband with another woman? Therre are many things that need to be discussed about and thought about, but honestly I don't think it's emotionally and mentally a good idea. Also look how bad you felt the first time. It just seems like it will make the connection you two should have develop between you and other people.
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