I want to get rid of my sex drive

[mmarieh]

Okay, so when I was 16 I first started having sex, it was younger then I wanted to be but I just couldn't quite help myself. Since then I've had sex with more people then I'm proud of and it really bothers me. Granted I really haven't had sex with all that many people, but my goal was to be a virgin untill I was 18..now being 18 and defienenlty not a virgin I would like to put on the breaks a little. I'm going to basic training for the Navy in December and for the sake of being respected I don't want to even have the desire to give into the sextual temptations that will surely await me for the next couple years. After all living on a ship for 6 months with "beafcake men in uniform" as my aunt puts it, will be tempting enough with out having such a strong sex drive like mine. I know that I probably have a healthy sex drive, its just so high that I don't trust myself not to give in. For the sake of respect, not getting kicked out, keeping my sextual partner number low, and if for nothing else the sake of my integrity I'm willing to try just about anything to keep my sex drive as low as possible. How can I do this? Please, help me!

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi.

First, many thanks for your service to our country. We are all very proud of you.

Here's some information about sexual desire.

Please realize that everyone is different and there’s no such thing as “normal” when it comes to sex. There’s only what’s “normal” for you. You are your unique self, and whatever you enjoy is part of you.

Modern sex researchers have practically abandoned the general concept of a “sex drive” since there really is no such thing.  Instead, we tend to look at the components that make up our sexual behavior, including these three basic factors:

1. Sexual interest or motivation (what you want to do): Your desire to engage in sex may be influenced by the level of certain hormones in your body, but it’s mostly dependent on psychological and/or emotional factors as well as social conditioning and the special circumstances inherent in any particular situation. Therefore, we all vary greatly in terms of our individual levels of interest or desire. I think a first step in understanding yourself is to ask yourself what you’re using sex for. Is your desire truly for sex itself, or is it for something else? Attention? A need to feel attractive? We often use sex for many non-sexual reasons. If you can figure out what you’re using it for, that can help you understand your desire and how it fits in your overall life.

2. Sexual capacity (what you are actually capable of doing): This varies depending on physical conditions such as age, health, appetite, stamina, etc.

3. Sexual performance (what you actually do): We use the term “performance” to mean what you actually do, but not in the negative sense of, “have-to-get-it-up.” What you do depends not only on physiological and psychological factors, but also on opportunity. And as we all know, in its extreme, performance is limited by capacity.

So we are actually quite a bit more complex than a mere “drive.” Keep in mind that sex researchers are only now beginning to explore sexual motivation; that is, arousal to certain stimuli versus arousability, or the physiological ability to become aroused.

Once we dip our toes into the complexity of human sexual behavior, we truly see that when it comes to sex, there are no “one-size-fits-all” concepts – or answers.

I detect a note of judgment in your remarks about your history. It seems as though you may feel that your sexuality is somehow negative. Perhaps you feel you’ve been using sex for non-sexual reasons, or you feel judged by some of your partners. You're a sexual being, and you have a right to your sexual pleasure, as long as you're not hurting yourself or others.

I can understand why you would want to maintain a professional distance on a ship in close quarters. There isn’t any substance you can take which will decrease your desire. However, remember that you are your best friend. When/if you’re feeling sexual aroused, why not be sexual with yourself? This way, you’re not in any jeopardy—and you can fantasize about anyone you please, with no one being the wiser.

So while you're on the ship, hold your head up high, and be your own lover until you're back on land in a situation that feels right for you. Best of luck to you. Dr. J

[JulissaB]

Hi! :) well I can tell you that I don't know of anything that can lower the sex drive but I can try to give you advise. When i was growing up i had very low self esteem and when my body started to change and i started getting hotter (Cant be too modest lol) I realized the power that the female beauty and sexuality had over others and I just wanted to feel wanted, that resulting in me being intimate with most boyfriends. I also felt the need for affection and love and when I had sex i got that affection but not the love but the lust. It got to the point that i started to feel used because no one took me serious or I didn't take them serious. Anyways what I'm trying to say is that you can definitely control that but it will take a lot of will power and maybe some personal help on occasions (Hand, Toys, etc.) You're definitely on the right track because you have realized that your sexuality can present a problem in your life. Just keep in mind that we as woman are extremely valuable and that our bodies are our temple and shouldn't be in anybody's hands, and that waiting and being patient can pay off in an amazing way. Hope I've been of some help :)