Aa
WHY WHY!!!! I cannot have an "O"
I am a 26 yr old female. I have NEVER been able to reach the big O during intercourse! HELP! I dont know what to do, its disappointing to my boyfriend, I mean he doesn't get mad, but he really wishes I could! I can only do it myself, alone. Its always been this way. Any suggestions!!??????
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear from women who expect to have orgasms from penis-vagina sex (p-v) alone. And orgasms have nothing to do with the size of your partner's penis. Please know that there’s nothing the matter with you other than you expect to respond exactly like your partner thinks you should respond; that is, to have an orgasm simply through p-v. Most women have been taught that this is somehow "ideal," when, in fact, it's quite difficult for most of us. Read on.
In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The vagina, all by itself, is not all that rich with sensory nerve endings. In fact, only the first couple inches of are very sensitive, and they tend to be more responsive to direct stimulation rather than the more general stimulus p-v usually provides. For sure, plenty of women enjoy p-v immensely. From a physical perspective, that feeling of fullness can be nice, and can also provide some stimulation of the clitoris’ internal structure. Some sexual positions -- like women being on top, for instance -- can also provide more direct clitoral stimulation.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris.
There are many different activities that may result in orgasm for you.
Let's start with the one that's most effective for having an orgasm: self-pleasuring. There is no "best" position other than the one you discover that works best for you. It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun! Some women prefer to lie down flat on their backs, others on their chest and yet others on their sides. Other women like to stand up when self-pleasuring. It's up to you to decide which works for you, based on experimentation.
The second most effective way for women to have orgasms is from oral stimulation. Again, in order to discover what position works best for you, you'll need to experiment. Some women enjoy mutual oral sex ("69") because of the intensity of the shared experience, while others would rather take turns so they can focus on the stimulation they're receiving in order to orgasm.
There ARE some p-v positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation. You might not necessarily have an orgasm in these positions, but they will help you to get more turned on.
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
• Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with your partner—even more fun! What could be better than experimenting and exploring one another and telling each other what you like? Be patient. I understand that, at first, it’s difficult to share your desires with your partner; however, if you’re going to be sexual with another person, you owe it to yourself to take responsibility for your own pleasure. You deserve to enjoy sex, and you deserve a caring partner who wants to know what you like. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. Good luck! Dr. J
I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear from women who expect to have orgasms from penis-vagina sex (p-v) alone. And orgasms have nothing to do with the size of your partner's penis. Please know that there’s nothing the matter with you other than you expect to respond exactly like your partner thinks you should respond; that is, to have an orgasm simply through p-v. Most women have been taught that this is somehow "ideal," when, in fact, it's quite difficult for most of us. Read on.
In women, the clitoris must be stimulated—either directly or indirectly—in order for orgasm to happen. The vagina, all by itself, is not all that rich with sensory nerve endings. In fact, only the first couple inches of are very sensitive, and they tend to be more responsive to direct stimulation rather than the more general stimulus p-v usually provides. For sure, plenty of women enjoy p-v immensely. From a physical perspective, that feeling of fullness can be nice, and can also provide some stimulation of the clitoris’ internal structure. Some sexual positions -- like women being on top, for instance -- can also provide more direct clitoral stimulation.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans (or head) of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris.
There are many different activities that may result in orgasm for you.
Let's start with the one that's most effective for having an orgasm: self-pleasuring. There is no "best" position other than the one you discover that works best for you. It takes time and practice to learn about your own orgasms. The best way to find out what you like is to experiment when you’re alone. Check out the area around your clitoris first. Be sure to use some lubrication and gently touch around the top and sides to find out what feels good. You may need to do this many times before you get comfortable and used to the intensity. Find the sensitive spots that feel good. The best part of this learning experience is that it’s fun! Some women prefer to lie down flat on their backs, others on their chest and yet others on their sides. Other women like to stand up when self-pleasuring. It's up to you to decide which works for you, based on experimentation.
The second most effective way for women to have orgasms is from oral stimulation. Again, in order to discover what position works best for you, you'll need to experiment. Some women enjoy mutual oral sex ("69") because of the intensity of the shared experience, while others would rather take turns so they can focus on the stimulation they're receiving in order to orgasm.
There ARE some p-v positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation. You might not necessarily have an orgasm in these positions, but they will help you to get more turned on.
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
• Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
Once you understand your own body’s responses, then you can begin to share them with your partner—even more fun! What could be better than experimenting and exploring one another and telling each other what you like? Be patient. I understand that, at first, it’s difficult to share your desires with your partner; however, if you’re going to be sexual with another person, you owe it to yourself to take responsibility for your own pleasure. You deserve to enjoy sex, and you deserve a caring partner who wants to know what you like. It takes time to learn and to build up trust, but if you do this now, you’ll be setting yourself up for yummy sex for the rest of your life. Good luck! Dr. J
I'm only 17, and I've never been able to O durring sex. On top of that I have HSPH, so sex ***** sometimes. I've been able to ALMOST orgasm while my bf's gone down on me, but he never quite gets there- either because he stops too early or because he'll start fingering me instead, which doesn't feel as good. And I have a serious problem with talking to him about stuff like this, so I've faked it a couple times but it's extremely frustrating. I don't know how to bring up this problem with him, I... kinda have trouble talking about issues, I'm more of the "avoid it and maybe it'll fix itself" kind of person, but I know that has to change. How should I bring this up???
Hey 'pakrat' i have the same problem exactly. The way i overcome it is by avoiding it but it is fairly hard and annoying. I think it has alot to do wit the boy though. rather than yourself.
I am convinced its me! I have an awesome lover who tries EVERYTHING! Can go for hours as well. I have beat and sweat myself to death trying to have an orgasm! Im 26!!! I think my clit is up too high, maybe im not concentrating enough?? idk....I am bound and determined to figure it out.
There's nothing wrong with you. I didn't have my first orgasm with a man until I was 23, and guess what? it had very little to do with me. I finally found the right man who was big enough to make it happen. Size does matter and so does perseverance. He could also go on for 45 minutes to 2 hours. I'm talking 20-30 orgasms each time. Oh how I miss him. I haven't found one like him for the last 20 years. :-) That's why men who can make that happen for you are never without women. When you have those amazing orgasms, you'll go back for more. Quit thinking it's you. What has he done for you lately.... What's he all about? But, one good thing, you can train these men who can't do it for you the regular way, to go down on you, then tell him what to do. You can get an orgasm that way. (even if his penis can't do it, you can get some joy) P.S. think only about sex, while having sex. That will help you out too. And, Hi to Kelliemarie89, again. I answered your question too.
Thats the only way i have ever had one also. And it really does suck because my boyfriend tells me i am broken. Im only 20 but im pretty sure if i havent had one by now, i never will. I almost did one time when he went down there but i didnt know what was going on so i made him stop. Sounds stupid but its gay.
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