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Virgin issue
Hi, I've browsed this site previously but now I have some of my own concerns!
The other night me and my girlfriend attempted to have sex for the first time (we're both virgins), I say attempted because before anything could happen i lost my erection.. most embarrassing. Try as we might I couldn't get it back.
It's really off putting because when we're hugging and kissing I can hold an erection anywhere between 20 minutes to maybe 45mins/1 hour? and slightly more annoying is that my girlfriend knows it.
I was feeling very much up to it before hand and now I feel that i let both myself and my girlfriend down (although she's very reassuring about it). I'm trying hard not to let this get to me but its kind of a tender issue...
I'm 19, good health and weight although i know i should get more excercise.... any ideas?
The other night me and my girlfriend attempted to have sex for the first time (we're both virgins), I say attempted because before anything could happen i lost my erection.. most embarrassing. Try as we might I couldn't get it back.
It's really off putting because when we're hugging and kissing I can hold an erection anywhere between 20 minutes to maybe 45mins/1 hour? and slightly more annoying is that my girlfriend knows it.
I was feeling very much up to it before hand and now I feel that i let both myself and my girlfriend down (although she's very reassuring about it). I'm trying hard not to let this get to me but its kind of a tender issue...
I'm 19, good health and weight although i know i should get more excercise.... any ideas?
thanks for the info, I dont think I'll go the route of taking Viagra... I've looked into it and i don't think its necessary, mind over matter is probably the healthier option for me :)
Religion doesn't come into play for me because I'm a well grounded atheist (by choice after looking over several religions... not my thing lol).
I was talking to a close friend about it, he told me that he was the same and it took a few months of being intimate with his girlfriend before he could relax enough... We'll just have to experiment a bit ;)
Religion doesn't come into play for me because I'm a well grounded atheist (by choice after looking over several religions... not my thing lol).
I was talking to a close friend about it, he told me that he was the same and it took a few months of being intimate with his girlfriend before he could relax enough... We'll just have to experiment a bit ;)
You are trying too hard. Just do not try for a while. Maybe you are worried about getting her pregnant or something such as that. May you are religious and you think that you should be married in church before doing this to your virgin girlfriend. My advise is that you just wait six more months, date her and do not try to have sex until your ideas mature more. In these six months, mentally figure out what is going on in your head. Maybe you are the type of person that needs to be married before doing this act that bonds you to her for ever. This is ok if you are such a young man. It is fine to wait. So, my advise is for you to wait six months (I am not an expert. I am just an old human being). Make sure that she is on birth control (the pill) when you try to do this. Make sure that you are not at your parents house. Maybe during these six month you can save $80 for a decent motel room. It is a lot of pressure to try your first sex act at your parents home when you under the stress from them coming home. Go to a nice motel and spend the night with your girl friend. It fine to also wait until you are married if that is what your head is telling you. Please do not start taking Viagra at such a young age. If you start on Viagra now, what are you going to do when you are 85 years old and you want to have sex with her? Take care of yourself and your girl friend.
Hey Dr, I'm back again (if this post puts the thread back up to the top of the list?)
Despite your excellent advice I still have problems, out of 3 attempts I didn't manage to keep an erection.. 3rd time was kinda rushed, fooling around before my dad arrived to take me and my gf for lunch, but even so I feel kinda down... What are your views on seeing my GP and seeing if I can get Viagra or somthing similar? No problems getting hold of it... Phizers is only 15 minuutes away...
On a more serious reflective note I'm rather wasted.. partly because of it (so much for not letting it get to me?). I tried to just focus on the feelings we were giving each other and yet today was probably the worst time. Maybe because I was thinking over the last few days "when she comes over and we get to it, I'll keep it up, dont pressure yourself" etc. etc.
I'm feeling sort of un-masculine because of it which is annoying in itself because I'm not an overly "masculine" person anyway and I have a distinct dislike of what could be called "jocks" or other overly male figures... To end this slightly off rambling, I know i'm not homosexual, I do find my girlfriend sexually attractive and I'm still at a loss.... Any advice is welcome
Despite your excellent advice I still have problems, out of 3 attempts I didn't manage to keep an erection.. 3rd time was kinda rushed, fooling around before my dad arrived to take me and my gf for lunch, but even so I feel kinda down... What are your views on seeing my GP and seeing if I can get Viagra or somthing similar? No problems getting hold of it... Phizers is only 15 minuutes away...
On a more serious reflective note I'm rather wasted.. partly because of it (so much for not letting it get to me?). I tried to just focus on the feelings we were giving each other and yet today was probably the worst time. Maybe because I was thinking over the last few days "when she comes over and we get to it, I'll keep it up, dont pressure yourself" etc. etc.
I'm feeling sort of un-masculine because of it which is annoying in itself because I'm not an overly "masculine" person anyway and I have a distinct dislike of what could be called "jocks" or other overly male figures... To end this slightly off rambling, I know i'm not homosexual, I do find my girlfriend sexually attractive and I'm still at a loss.... Any advice is welcome
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I'm glad to be of assistance. And a very happy holiday season to you! Dr. J
Thank you very much for the help Dr. Janice!
You've lifted some of the black clouds that have been over my head the last couple of days and given me some positive ideas to think on over the holidays.
Thanks again and merry Christmas!
You've lifted some of the black clouds that have been over my head the last couple of days and given me some positive ideas to think on over the holidays.
Thanks again and merry Christmas!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Sure; I've got lots of ideas. How about you stop thinking that good sex is all about your erection and that it’s all YOUR responsibility? Holding these ideas puts way too much pressure on you. Once you begin to worry, it becomes a vicious circle: you worry, so your erection goes down, and then you notice it, and you worry some more, etc. Pretty soon your penis stops cooperating all together.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. High-achieving or very anxious men may have a particularly difficult time of letting go of a goal and just enjoying themselves. The other message that many men—and women—receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. This is more common among people who have been raised in a strict, pleasure-negative religious or philosophical orthodoxy.
Do you have any sense of what is bothering you? What are you thinking about during sex? What are the conditions like when you’re being sexual? Do you have enough privacy? Are you both relaxed and happy? If not, these can contribute to your discomfort.
There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of women or negative feelings about them, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about marriage, etc.
You may have negative attitudes about sex in general, you may have performance issues or you may have conflicts about marriage or women in general. Either way, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of trying too hard, which, in turn, just leads to more stress and anxiety. And you know what? It’s not that uncommon, and it’s not that hard to change. Take a deep breath, relax and examine these issues and see if any fit for you. Something is getting in the way of your pleasure, and you’ll need to do some serious thinking to figure out what it is.
In any new relationship, it takes time to relax with each other and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If you talk with your partner and tell her you’d like to slow down and learn about each others’ bodies and responses, together, you two can discover just what it is that arouses you. You have a chance to take a wonderful journey of discovery with each other which can not only be educational but lots of fun. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. High-achieving or very anxious men may have a particularly difficult time of letting go of a goal and just enjoying themselves. The other message that many men—and women—receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. This is more common among people who have been raised in a strict, pleasure-negative religious or philosophical orthodoxy.
Do you have any sense of what is bothering you? What are you thinking about during sex? What are the conditions like when you’re being sexual? Do you have enough privacy? Are you both relaxed and happy? If not, these can contribute to your discomfort.
There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of women or negative feelings about them, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about marriage, etc.
You may have negative attitudes about sex in general, you may have performance issues or you may have conflicts about marriage or women in general. Either way, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of trying too hard, which, in turn, just leads to more stress and anxiety. And you know what? It’s not that uncommon, and it’s not that hard to change. Take a deep breath, relax and examine these issues and see if any fit for you. Something is getting in the way of your pleasure, and you’ll need to do some serious thinking to figure out what it is.
In any new relationship, it takes time to relax with each other and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If you talk with your partner and tell her you’d like to slow down and learn about each others’ bodies and responses, together, you two can discover just what it is that arouses you. You have a chance to take a wonderful journey of discovery with each other which can not only be educational but lots of fun. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
