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Just found out bf has a baby...
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Just found out bf has a baby...

I am 32 and have been dating my now-30 y/o boyfriend for almost a year. He just told me that a paternity test confirmed he is the father of a 3-month old girl-- the result of a random hook-up about 2 weeks before we met. He knew he might be the dad when the girl contacted him but kept it from me for months until the child was born and tested. In that time my bf and I and our families have become close, and he was planning to move in with me (currently he lives an hour away).  We both work professional jobs, but this girl has no college education though evidently has a fiance willing to 'step in' to act as the baby's father. My bf is ashamed to tell his family and just wants to run... meaning either sign away his rights (which is hard to do in my state and the mom wouldnt likely agree), or just quietly make support payments for 21 years and ignore the fact that he is a dad. My bf's bro just had a baby girl too, so the 2 are cousins and just about the same age.  I can't imagine when my bf sees his neice he won't be thinking about his own daughter and what he's missing, if he chooses not to be in her life.. on the other hand, I'm 32 and separated (divorce pending) from a 5-yr marriage that did not result in kids. I was hopeful that my bf and I would continue to progress toward marraige and maybe kids, and I'm sure not getting any younger.  Now this means he'll have the financial burden of a 1st child, possibly time committment of visitation, etc. (I can't make the choice on what relationship he wants w/her), and have no idea how to handle this news.  The bio-mom is taking him to court and he's terrified and confused and I am also... anyone been in a similar situation or have advice??
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He needs to be talking to someone who deals with child custody cases and find out what his LEGAL options are for starts.  

You are correct....you cannot make the choice on how he should handle this.  I would let him FIRST get over the shock of the situation and then start figuring out the future between you and him AFTER he gets the situation with this child sorted.  Plus, you have your own issues going on in regards to your separation/pending divorce.  You are still married, so it wouldn't make any sense thinking about marriage and children already with this guy.  Your divorce is not even final.  Slow down a bit.  

You have both been together for only a year, which isn't a long time, and you both are going through so much right now, so I wouldn't recommend pressing him about your thoughts in regards to marriage and children at this point.  This may or may not happen for you.  Just deal with your issues at hand and what the future holds.....not sure about that.  

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