To start, I am 14. Do not jump to conclusions by my age. Everyone had done that to me, saying I don't know what's happening to me, or I'm too young to understand. But I'm not. For as long I as I can remember, I've had issues with myself. When I was three, my mom got a divorce from my dad, and when I was four, my mom and I moved in with her new boyfriend. And since then, he has verbally abused me to the point of when I see him, I feel nothing but absolute hatred. He has told me that I'm worthless, I will never be anything in life, I have no potential, I'm a waste, etc. My mom used to stand up for me, but now she just walks away and tells me to ignore him. When I was eight, my biological dad died in a car crash. It's still hard for me to talk about, and when he died, everyone acted as if it didn't happen. I've never had the chance to talk about it, and have closure. When I was ten, I was diagnosed with ADD, PTSD, OCD, Schizophrenia, Biopolar disorder, and anger issues. I was put on multiple medications for each, but I was constantly sick from the meds, so I hated taking them. They made me depressed, and for months I was living in a black period. I couldn't see past the next day, and the world was closing in on me, I felt trapped. I thought I was insane because I could hear things no one else could, and I talked to myself in my head. My family was treating me as if I was insane, so I started lying, saying it was all going away, when in truth, things were getting worse. I started hurting myself. I was screaming for help, but no one would give it. I was always nervous, biting my nails down to the skin, and scratching my arms. I starved myself for a while. Things never have fully improved since then either. Some things have just gotten worse. I am paranoid half the time, and I never can sleep anymore. The verbal abuse goes on, screaming and fighting is all I hear at home, I've started cutting again as a release, I still hear things like high pitched noises around electronics or just noises from nothing. I think I have a personality disorder, because in my head, its as if I see all my emotions as different people, and they yell at each other constantly. I don't want to tell my family, because I'm scared of them leaving me, and me being alone. I'd rather be insane and in a dark place, than to have everyone abandon me. What should I do? Please. Help.
You have a lot of problems. Maybe you should visit psychologist; they cannot prescribe you medication; they can only help you by talking. Is there any psychologist in your school?
Your stepfather is wrong. But when you hear the same thing over and over again, you start to believe it. Have you heard about labeling theory and self-fulfilling prophecy in psychology and sociology? Google it. In short, someone labels you as a failure; you accept it and start behaving like that. Do not let your strepfather do that to you, do not believe him. Prove him he`s wrong. Be someone(if you want to). He is a failure if he has to humiliate ppl around him to feel good, not you.
The main problem is that a family support means a lot, and it seems to me like you don`t have it. And to everything on your own is really really hard. I suggest you to find some support. Psychologists can be really helpful.
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