I'm just about done trying. I really am. My name is... I'm afraid to say really anything about me. I'm really paranoid, I think someone I know will search my name and see this. It is Connor. I'm 15, almost 16. I've been "bottling up" or otherwise suppressing my emotions for about 3 years, I've went through a lot of emotional trauma as well. Moving Schools, losing family members, losing friends... I was a new student at my school this year for sophomore year. I pushed away everyone that tried to be my friend due to me thinking I wasn't good enough. Being gay doesn't help. I grew up with people that made fun of gays, it took me years to finally accept that that is who I am and stuff. I've sat alone all year at lunch, but I'm so good at lying about what and how I feel that people assume I have friends... That I have a life. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I eat poorly, as in rarely. I'm not overweight or anything. I think about suicide every other day. I haven't cut myself or enacted any other physical harm upon myself. But I just want an end to this. I go through School looking down, feeling worthless. People don't seem to notice or even care. I'm all alone. This is the first time I've ever posted my problems online so...
You're not alone...i finally came out.my family doesn't accept me and i had a hard time making friends because I'm bisexual but pan-curious. I went to my first pride and I enjoyed it. I'm 20 soon 21. Just came out. I going to college soon and I'm still scared. Its never the end. I have been traumatized too. My whole life i was teased bullied and harassed. I still am teased bullied even harassed. I bet you can get thru.just like i did. Please don't give up.
But I don't get bullied. It is as if I'm ignored. It isn't my sexuality that is bothering me, it is more of all the stress and pain and every other bad emotion that has piled onto my soul. That just added a couple pounds. I can't express how bad I feel. As if my heart, soul, and mind are black. Weighed down and sullen. I've been trying to get this for a long time. I started to realize I was gay in the 3rd grade believe it or not. But it is everything else. The only shoulder I have to lean on is my own. Nobody hugs me. Nobody says they love me. I am worthless, that is all I am, ever was, and ever will be.
Never give up I have been there and if no one excepts you for who you are its there I found out who my real friends are in the end .. I was made fun off and felt like no one cared and now im fine thks to my mom and my shrink for always being there for me .. If u ever need a friend just rember im here ... My thoughts and prayers are with you ...
:( sometimes at your age its hard to see everything. Believe it ot not our parents are our post and while we are a beam. They carried us into this cruel world however care so much about us. I had actually attempted suicide 3 times because of the feelings you described that i once felt. I'm only 20 and I am an alcoholic because I would drink my feelings away. I personally feel better talking to my shrink. She listens more than anyone and understands. Maybe professional help could help you more...and if I knew you in person I'd be giving you hugs. I'm a huggable person.
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