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4059843 tn?1465214932
perfection is everything??
I may have depression, but one thing that is really haunting me is my fear of failure, and the need for perfection. I get so terrified everytime i make a mistake, and am the biggest perfectionist anyone will ever meet. I am really serious about my education but my perfectionism and obsessiveness with homework is really delaying my work. No one sees behind my very convincing smiles, i just wish they would. Even my good friend, she is too busy being a drama queen. i am really stressing out, and im scared of failing school. i just dont see how i am going to get through life, if i cant even get through high school. its so hard. and so many people tell me that no one is perfect, and thatthe only appproval i should be seeking is not that of others, but my own approval. i cant accept the fact that we all make mistakes, because i always get punished or i think of them constantly and they race around my head every minute. i know we learn form mistakes, but everytime i make one it seems to ruin everyones day. please i need help badly. i am having suicidal thoughts. I dont want to be a failure in life. i just want to be the best, and i have worked so hard but im not getting there. I am only 13 and school is already stressing me out since i am usually up to at least 11-12 midnight completing it. then i get a headache because of not enough sleep. I try to get better at something but all i do is get worse. i can not live with myself like this. HELP!!!
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Kayannaboo
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Kingston, Jamaica