I dont know?

[Waitin4theEnd]

I dont think I have depression. Ive been to a consuler but, im currently not going anymore tho. My mom made me go when she found out I cut. I still do, secretly, but im not really depressed, I just feel like im screwed up. Its not like I have to do it, but it like makes me happy, if that makes sence. my lifes not even that bad?

[BritishPatriot]

Hi,

From what I am gathering you don't have any past memories or experiences that may be causing you to feel this way and also I noticed that you don't seem to have mentioned anything directly to cause how you are feeling currently. You mentioned in your first post that you had been to see a councellor about how you have been causing self harm and your feelings, did you ever talk or consider chemical in-balances with he/her? This "could" be the cause or atleast part of the causes to making you feel this way. This does sound infitting with how you are describing yourself but before making rash desicions please discuss this properly with a medical profressional. There are prescriptions that are sold for the treating of this most famously for the treatment of bi-polar. By anymeans knowing the answer to this question will be positive because if it is negative then you can rule that out as a cause and if it is possitive then I know from experience that the medication can be a great help to getting yourself back to the way you want to be.

Best of Luck

[Waitin4theEnd]

Its not really linked to any memoriess. I guess it is just a way of my thinking? Just like when Im home, late at night, I have a box of stuff to use, and I just do it. It doesnt really hurt me, and it kinda  makess me happy. If I telll my mom, she'll make me go back to consulling, I dont want that. I dont like to talk about it, but the truth is, theres nothing really to talk about. Im just really confused.

[BritishPatriot]

Is the reason that you find cutting gives you a sense of happiness linked to any memories or experiences that you can remeber or has it always been this way in your way of thinking. If you have not opened up to anybody about these memories or experiences (if you do have these) then I would reccomend that you open up and confide in someone. Also I know from my own brother that he had these same tendencies that you are describing and his way of coping with this battle is by devoting himself to something you feel pasionately about. Also he has learnt that he has to do what is important to his happiness to lacken his need of that kind of behaviour. And also try to get your mom to understand why you do it and how you feel because if she is working with you in helping you then it makes it far better. It is a great advantage to get someone to fully understand you and help you.