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I think I might be depresed but not sure...
Hello I'm 16 years old and I'm just wondering if I'm depressed or not? and if I am how I should be going about getting help essencially I guess.
I've a hard time these past 3 to 4 years or so with coming to turms with my sexuality which I'm still not completly sure about because i know i like girls but I'm not sure about guys still. It's starting to really frustrate and hurt me especially when I see this one girl i've known since i was 6 and have come to turms with that i really like her and she is so obviously straight. My school closed down towards the end of my GCSE year so that was stressfull and my Nan passed away a couple of months ago.
I've been getting angry and frustrated easily this past year or so and tearful, but not crying, at the silliest things. I feel that I'm not good enough for anyone even though I talk to people at school and can luagh with them for 10 minutes I'm not very close with them and can tll that if i wasn't around they wouldn't wonder where i am or probably care. Some of my close friends don't seem to really care either. One of them always calls me a freak and to get a life because I'm a bit of a geek/nerd or whatever and she wants to be close to all the popular people, the others are just oblivious and seem to forget things i tell them e.g. i told them how i feel about the girl i like and they always talk about how this really kind popular guy likes her and tormenting me along with some guys in our year about which guy i will 'get with' they dont seem to notice how uncomfortable i get around that subject yet i have told them and it angers me!
another thing i should mention is that i have self harmed before, it calms me when i'm angry or sad. it distracts me when i feel dwon and gives me a buzz when i've finished. though my parents found out and they obviously wanted to know whats wrong so i gave them a little bit of info to please them but i think there hoping for me to open up more. they were angry and upset that i had self harmed and said they would get angry if i did it again... i dont think they understand the concept of selfharming much but i havn't done it since then but it doesnt mean i stop thinking about it.
I feel like I've let them down as a daughter, they deserve so much better than me because they are brilliant. I have what people would say a good life, i have a loving family and get to take part in all my hobbies. but this makes me feel so guilty. there are people out there in the world who have it way worse than me and yet i'm here for the past few years but mostly this year struggling with life, i know what i want to do as a career but i always dout ill ever be good enough for a job, course at university, friends, family and that one special person. I'm scared that I'll always been alone. I've never been kissed or anyone show that they really care for me and it makes me feel empty inside. Is it too much to ask for someone to care about you and show it to you at least once a week or so.
I could go on but I've already seen I've written alot and thats an understatment. I just wnat to know if their is any point bringing up that i think i may have depression to my parents. i've looked at syptoms lists and seen that i have quite a lot of the symptoms but i dont know when oor not you realize that you are infact depressed. the symptoms below are ones that I've seen and believe i have.
- waking up early, having difficulty sleeping, or sleeping more (i can sleep over 12 hours and still wanna stay in bed)
- feeling tired and lacking energy; doing less and less (i dont exersise a lot and cant find the motivation to)
- putting on weight (i baisically eat loads and dont feel full and have no motivation to stop)
- difficulty remembering things
- feeling low-spirited for much of the time, every day
- being unusually irritable or impatient
- finding it hard to concentrate or make decisions
- blaming yourself and feeling unnecessarily guilty about things
- lacking self-confidence and self-esteem
- being preoccupied with negative thoughts
- feeling numb, empty and despairing
- feeling helpless
- distancing yourself from others; not asking for support (untill now..)
- taking a bleak, pessimistic view of the future (not all of the time but quite often)
- self-harming (by cutting yourself, for example)
- tearfulness
- lack of motivation
- difficulty making decisions
- feeling anxious or worried
- Neglect of personal appearance
I've also done 3 of the online depression assesments and they say i have mild or moderate depression but to not take it as a diognosis which is why I'm here.
If some kind person has taken the time to read this can can give me advice or if they are educated enough to see if i am or not them please let me know.
Thank you so much and sorry for writing so much and taking up your time.
I've a hard time these past 3 to 4 years or so with coming to turms with my sexuality which I'm still not completly sure about because i know i like girls but I'm not sure about guys still. It's starting to really frustrate and hurt me especially when I see this one girl i've known since i was 6 and have come to turms with that i really like her and she is so obviously straight. My school closed down towards the end of my GCSE year so that was stressfull and my Nan passed away a couple of months ago.
I've been getting angry and frustrated easily this past year or so and tearful, but not crying, at the silliest things. I feel that I'm not good enough for anyone even though I talk to people at school and can luagh with them for 10 minutes I'm not very close with them and can tll that if i wasn't around they wouldn't wonder where i am or probably care. Some of my close friends don't seem to really care either. One of them always calls me a freak and to get a life because I'm a bit of a geek/nerd or whatever and she wants to be close to all the popular people, the others are just oblivious and seem to forget things i tell them e.g. i told them how i feel about the girl i like and they always talk about how this really kind popular guy likes her and tormenting me along with some guys in our year about which guy i will 'get with' they dont seem to notice how uncomfortable i get around that subject yet i have told them and it angers me!
another thing i should mention is that i have self harmed before, it calms me when i'm angry or sad. it distracts me when i feel dwon and gives me a buzz when i've finished. though my parents found out and they obviously wanted to know whats wrong so i gave them a little bit of info to please them but i think there hoping for me to open up more. they were angry and upset that i had self harmed and said they would get angry if i did it again... i dont think they understand the concept of selfharming much but i havn't done it since then but it doesnt mean i stop thinking about it.
I feel like I've let them down as a daughter, they deserve so much better than me because they are brilliant. I have what people would say a good life, i have a loving family and get to take part in all my hobbies. but this makes me feel so guilty. there are people out there in the world who have it way worse than me and yet i'm here for the past few years but mostly this year struggling with life, i know what i want to do as a career but i always dout ill ever be good enough for a job, course at university, friends, family and that one special person. I'm scared that I'll always been alone. I've never been kissed or anyone show that they really care for me and it makes me feel empty inside. Is it too much to ask for someone to care about you and show it to you at least once a week or so.
I could go on but I've already seen I've written alot and thats an understatment. I just wnat to know if their is any point bringing up that i think i may have depression to my parents. i've looked at syptoms lists and seen that i have quite a lot of the symptoms but i dont know when oor not you realize that you are infact depressed. the symptoms below are ones that I've seen and believe i have.
- waking up early, having difficulty sleeping, or sleeping more (i can sleep over 12 hours and still wanna stay in bed)
- feeling tired and lacking energy; doing less and less (i dont exersise a lot and cant find the motivation to)
- putting on weight (i baisically eat loads and dont feel full and have no motivation to stop)
- difficulty remembering things
- feeling low-spirited for much of the time, every day
- being unusually irritable or impatient
- finding it hard to concentrate or make decisions
- blaming yourself and feeling unnecessarily guilty about things
- lacking self-confidence and self-esteem
- being preoccupied with negative thoughts
- feeling numb, empty and despairing
- feeling helpless
- distancing yourself from others; not asking for support (untill now..)
- taking a bleak, pessimistic view of the future (not all of the time but quite often)
- self-harming (by cutting yourself, for example)
- tearfulness
- lack of motivation
- difficulty making decisions
- feeling anxious or worried
- Neglect of personal appearance
I've also done 3 of the online depression assesments and they say i have mild or moderate depression but to not take it as a diognosis which is why I'm here.
If some kind person has taken the time to read this can can give me advice or if they are educated enough to see if i am or not them please let me know.
Thank you so much and sorry for writing so much and taking up your time.
Best Answer
i think you are depressed because i have depression myself, so i know first hand what it feels like. i think you might want to tell your parents that you think you may be, because it seems they do care for you if they got mad at your cutting. i hope you don't have to deal with it for long because i know if feels like s***.
Thank you so much for your post, it really means a lot to me and I will definatly try out all your tips because they really do sound useful and worthwhile.
Thank you so much.
xOrax
Thank you so much.
xOrax
Hey, I'd say it's nice to also have someone who feels the same way but I'd never want another person to feel how I feel and I'm sorry that you feel like I do if that made sence :S
I'm sorry about your parents and I hope everything works out for you. Also thank you for commenting on this, it was nice to see that someone replied.
Ellie. X
I'm sorry about your parents and I hope everything works out for you. Also thank you for commenting on this, it was nice to see that someone replied.
Ellie. X
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Hi xOrax,
I am sorry to hear that you feel the ways that you do, I know how tough it is being a teenager at school and feeling the pressure to succeed at your future career and I know what I am about to say is terribly cheesey but your parents will still love you and respect you no matter your career path, If you try your best at your future and apply yourself then you will not be a blemish on your family because they will br proud of your hard work. I am sure that this is your confidence affecting your self image and in-tern how you feel your parents think and feel about you.
As for your feelings of frustration about your sexual orientation I have an older brother who has gone through the same feelings as you described. For years and years he was always strugling to understand wether or not he was into boys or girls. One important factor to get over is that you should not feel a strugle to label yourself. You are what you are, don't feel like you need to change or label yourself to make you a good person or insuit with society.
The greatest battle with this however is as you mentioned the internal battle with the yearning to know the answer to your question.
Also open up fully and let your friends know if you are feeling awkward whilst they are discussing topics, this is important because it won't stop until you confront it with your friends and also if you ignore the topic, the topic that you are feeling awkward about will only become more frequent as your friends will mistake your awkwardness and ignoral as a sign as it does not bother you as much and it will turn into a viscous cycle.
Your feelings of loneliness can be helped by something as simple as confiding with people that you really trust because knowing that other people understand you and know something about yourself can go a long way in helping you feel acepted and cared about in the world.
As for your confidence (I will tackle this because it is very important and affects many other topics) A tip I learnt that I wish I had been told earlier or known is that when you are out in public a trick to use is to "act" confidently even if you may not feel confident. This is great becaus it creates a very possitive cycle. When you start acting confidently people will act better around you and treat you differently, people show more of an interest in you, which in turn makes you feel great and liked which then means you no longer need to "act" confident because this helps to make you feel confident.
Also regarding confidence another stupid tip that may work for you that I know worked for me was to write down all of your good traits (and yes you do have them! even though you have a list of your bad ones on your post) and read them to yourself to emphisise your good traits.
If you have listened to nothing from what I have wrote here please hear this from your post I can tell you that I think your positive points are:
-Sensible
-Reasonable
-Genuine
-Responsible
-A Good Speller!
-Polite
-Analytical
-Sincerity
-Modesty
And many more
I know first hand many of your feelings, being a black boy at school when I was young and experiencing terrible racism I was made to feel a lot of your negative feelings you have expressed in your post but don't worry because all that you are feeling is not the end and that life will get better believe me! I was far from happy and now I am extremely happy, and I am sure if you adress these things in your life improvements will follow.