I'm so scared im hiding in my closet!!

[NoHopeOrLove]

im depress beyond belief no medicine will help not even cutting will help anymore... i had trust issues ever since my girlfriend cheated on me and my teachers making fun of my OCD issues AND NOW i have to deal with the fact i cant go fishing without getting beat up by a racist group of white gang ( about 50 ) shows  up and beat the **** out of me for being asian/spanish =/ im  hiding in my closet cuz im sooo scared only coming out to eat and bathroom... i lock myself in there when i sleep. No one to trust! Is there anyone here who i can trust!!!!!!!! IM ******* LOSING IT!!!!!!!!!!

[matt803]

I think you should look to Christ our lord he has help the poor though the time and those who fear him. find any Cristian church and go to the pastor and call for help and for you gang problem have you ever though of calling the cops. i swear to god they will kick their *** for you

[Emilyae]

First, remember that one girl definitely doesnt represent everybody. I have bad trust issues too. Obviously not as much as you, but when it comes to friends and relationships, i have to remind myself that if someone is friends with me through thick and thin, then they obviously accept you for who you are and you should try to trust that all people are NOT ALL bad.
I have a problem with depression and extreme anxiety myself, and am currently on Zoloft. I HATE relying on medicine, however after a few months, my mother noticed dramatic changes in my behavior. I used to go to the doctor/ER every other day because i thought i had a brain tumor or whatever, but it was just the anxiety. After the medication started kicking in, I realized it did help. If you havent been on a medication, dont think you're falling into the pharmaceutical death trap or anything. Its OK to feel better! I still dont like having to rely on medicine, but until I get to the root of my problems and deal with stuff, it helps me to live everyday without falling into those deep depressing thoughts all the time! Medication is not the ONLY way to help. I'm also seeing a therapist. There are two different types of therapists you can see: a psychologist, is licensed to help you by talking, behavioral therapy, cognitive therapy(like different ways of thinking),  and MANY other kinds of therapy that do not involve medications or biological alterations. A psychiatrist can do all of the above, however is ALSO a medical doctor that can prescribe medication. Either one is good to get stress off of your mind.
If you cant afford either of those, tell a counselor. Your school more than likely has a school psychologist and they SPECIALIZE in stuff like this. Its confidential. No other student or teacher has to know what you talk about.
As for these teachers, REPORT THEM!!!!!!! Even if you're not in their class anymore!!!! IT IS WRONG!!!!! NO ADULT SHOULD EVER MAKE FUN OF YOU! Go straight to the principal. If they dont believe you, record the teacher in class if you're still in there. If not, go to the superintendent of your district. Tell your parents, or ANY adult that you can at least trust a little.

[Emilyae]

The person who posted before me has a very good idea. However, if you're not a religious person, or are even atheist or whatever you are, find a group of people similar to you. Like group therapy. Knowing that other people have the same or even worse problems than you, will make you feel like you're not alone. A church group is amazingly helpful in times of despair or anytime at all. You dont have to go to church every sunday, just know that they're keeping you in mind and praying for you. If you believe God, or any other religion can help you, it will.
Also with the racist gang, follow the other poster's advice! The cops are there for a reason. Try to contact an organization that represents your race to help. If you want to go fishing, bring a tazer gun or something and a cell phone, and run like hell. Go to some source of protection. Dont take their ****! CALL THE COPS!!!!! Maybe set up a camera or something to catch these ****** bags!

[Emilyae]

Lastly, have fun! DARKNESS ONLY MAKES DEPRESSION WORSE! Stop thinking about BEING depressed. Thinking about how horrible your life is makes it more depressing, trust me. I've been there. I know you're thinking, she doesnt understand! Of course I dont fully! No one understand each other perfectly! But there's no harm in at least trying these things. Pitying yourself only make things worse. THINK ABOUT IT! You get sad about the starving children that die everyday in third world countries? All the innocent people killed in genocides and horrible injustice? Wish you could help them? Pretend you're looking at yourself, wishing you could help. Remember you can! Come out of the closet! Lol. Not that way. Unless you're gay too..... I still love you! Lol! Now laugh! Open your curtains during the day. Open the windows. If its raining, maybe you shouldnt, lol, but If you dont think you're ready to go out and meet some people, stay inside and watch the corniest Nickelodeon and disney shows. Watch sitcoms. ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE AND LAUGH! You're on the computer! Watch some youtube videos!
It doesn't hurt to try any of these things right? If life seems so miserable, you mind as well try anything, right? RIGHT! It can't get any worse! Just try these things! DONT QUIT BECAUSE THEY DONT WORK THE FIRST WEEK!!!!! It takes patience. A lot. But push yourself out of darkness and remind yourself that only you can unmake yourself a victim. It took almost 3 months for my therapy and medication to actually start really helping me, but now im sooooo happy i did. Maybe you should take a course in psychology too. I did. And now i know all my options. Sociology is a good course too. Again, HAVE FUN AND LAUGH!
If you wanna call me, email me at ***@****. I'll tell you my number. I LOVE helping people out. Especially people who have similar problems as me. You can trust that I will NOT judge you. I'm the most open person you'll probably ever meet. I'm EXTREMELY understanding. My myspace is www.myspace.com/diamondd0g. Talk to me!

[jcnconnect]

For your depression i say L-Tyrosine, it really helps, also try caffine with no sugar. Find someone that gives you confidence and stick with them. Try not to care what other people think. For those racist people, try to lead them on to thinking you are religious (not very bluntly though), even if your not, i dont know, and say god created us all equal or something, try to bring out their good side without being 'dorky', the baddest people have a good side and a sympathetic side. Dont stand up to them, dont run away from them. Standing up to them tells them that you are challging them, and they like a challenge, and run away from them 'amuses them'. both ways enpower them, don't,,,do the unexpected. Also try to meditate, really helps with OCD. Sit in a very quiet place and imagine you are on an elevator on the 100th floor slowly going down, while you are going down count the floors. and every fifth floor or so say to yourself "be calm". Pay attension to detail. This really works. And one more time DONT GIVE A CARE OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK, BE YOURSELF. There are many more girls out there for you. Just wait. Dont look for the hottest girl and dont change yourself for the girl you like. Show comittment and be philosophical. Any futher questions email me at jcnconnect at gmail(dot)com, hope this helps.

[jcnconnect]

Also listen to the people on this forum, these people have good ideas. Remember there are always people out there that care for you. Also you dont have to elaborate but, how are the teachers making fun of you and what grade are you in?

[kayz_bbz]

Hey, i know wat it feels lyk to be scared of gettin beaten up, it can't b easy, it's not easy 4 me, i don't wanna go to skool or anythin, n the group of girls (plastics) startin on me said tat if i told anyone they wud beat me up n leave me too die, it's scary, one spat in my face today,
i know bein a little differnt mite effect the way ppl r to u as well, i say tell ya parents, get some help and if tat dnt work well move skool or town and try and start fresh, I no it's not easym
i'm sorry :(
u shouldn't b gettin bullied no one deserves to get bullied, one day they'll get bullied and then the'll c,
take care bbe
Kaylee xXx

[Judy246]

I have just read your first message and wow do you have alot going on. First, I'm probably old enought to be your mom, so I will speak to you as I would my own son/daughter. First, wrote that your girl friend cheated on you. When we lose someone that we loved, it's like a death, it a great loss and it will be necessary to grieve the loss and that will take some time.  It is ok to grieve a loss.  That is the only way you are going to begin to heal.  You will feel hurt, angry, you want revenge (but you are going to have to let it go, since it will take you no where), but you must grieve in order to feel better (sad but true!).

Don't jump into another relationship just yet.  Give yourself some time to just heal from this loss. Start to appreciate yourself as a person who is OK alone.  I promise you that when you least espect it.

Secondly, it is unexceptable that a teacher who is suppose to be professional made fun of you.  This has hurt you as a person who deserves to be respected, it has hurt your self esteem and please tell your parents, a counselor, so that they will bring it to her attention and so that it will not happen to anyone again.

Thirdly, you were assulted and that is a crime.  I hope you had  your parents make out a police report. Stay away from that area, but this is America, Land of the Free.  You should be able to go anywere without the fear that  you are going to get beat up.  The police need to be made aware, so that they can break up this little group and continue to monitor the area.

You have gone thru alot and I can see why you feel the way you do, but lets start to heal, by accepting the break up, give yourself time to heal, the teacher needs to be spoken to, so that she is aware of how much she hurt you with her words and the police need to be informed of potential, dangerous group or gang activity, to break them at that spot and monitor the area.

Your going to be ok....stay low for a while, but do not let your home become a prison to your fears.  Jump back in to life. Surround yourself with good friends, a positive environment and the good Lord will lead your way.

Good Luck!