Aa
Not sure what to do
I'm 16 years old and ever since I was about 11 or 12 years old I've, apparently, had a depression problem. Personally I thought this was normal so I never said anything about it and I've been through a lot of rough times, I have a few scars I'm not so proud of and I've (attempted) overdosage a few times but recently I found out that isn't the way your supposed to feel normally and I was put on 10mg a day Lexapro a little over 2 months ago (about december 20ish) It made me feel a bit better after about 2 weeks of using it though I really really hate the side effects from it. But now I'm starting to think it was just a placebo because now I feel like it isn't working and I feel like ending my life pretty much 24/7 and I have been thinking of stopping lexapro and just not taking it anymore because I don't want to start jumping from one med to the next.
One thing good is I don't feel anxious as much anymore and I haven't had a panic attack in about a week or so but I still feel completely hopeless and I feel like all these meds are just trying to shield me from the facts of life just so I can grow up make money for the government and die just like everyone else. Nothing interests me anymore except video games and music, I can't watch certain movies without being completely bored out of my mind and usually I can only play video games for about 30 minutes straight then it starts to bore me which leads to me having suicidal thoughts about myself and I'm just not sure what to do anymore.
Also with the lexapro I have noticed, as well as my dad, that I have become more fidgity like I can't stop moving and it makes me feel like some sort of crack addict not to mention I have to take about 2 benadryl a night just to goto sleep, I tried melatonin but it didn't sedate me enough to put me to sleep though sometimes I can manage to fall asleep on it after about 45 minutes to an hour or so.
I'm pretty sure that my depression isn't just because of teenage hormones, all of my friends (especially ones who are considered the stereotype of being "emo") who talk about being diagnosed with depression never talk about hurting themselves or killing themselves and they claim they haven't tried to kill themselves unless something drastic happened, I on the other hand could go grab a bottle of ibuprofen and down it right now and not give a damn hence why I'm on this forum typing this up.
Any help?
One thing good is I don't feel anxious as much anymore and I haven't had a panic attack in about a week or so but I still feel completely hopeless and I feel like all these meds are just trying to shield me from the facts of life just so I can grow up make money for the government and die just like everyone else. Nothing interests me anymore except video games and music, I can't watch certain movies without being completely bored out of my mind and usually I can only play video games for about 30 minutes straight then it starts to bore me which leads to me having suicidal thoughts about myself and I'm just not sure what to do anymore.
Also with the lexapro I have noticed, as well as my dad, that I have become more fidgity like I can't stop moving and it makes me feel like some sort of crack addict not to mention I have to take about 2 benadryl a night just to goto sleep, I tried melatonin but it didn't sedate me enough to put me to sleep though sometimes I can manage to fall asleep on it after about 45 minutes to an hour or so.
I'm pretty sure that my depression isn't just because of teenage hormones, all of my friends (especially ones who are considered the stereotype of being "emo") who talk about being diagnosed with depression never talk about hurting themselves or killing themselves and they claim they haven't tried to kill themselves unless something drastic happened, I on the other hand could go grab a bottle of ibuprofen and down it right now and not give a damn hence why I'm on this forum typing this up.
Any help?
Sorry about posting 2 posts but I forgot to tell some other things and there doesn't seem to be an edit button...
I live alone with my dad my mom and dad divorced when I was 5 and my mom lives 1200miles away I don't see her anymore because I can't deal with the transitions between different places and when I'm there she guilt trips me into thinking my dad is this evil person.
My dad is a counselor but he is HIGHLY critical and doesn't believe so much in medicine and when I have actually talked to him it didn't help whatsoever. I might get a therapist I'm going to see after I see my doctor which should be monday or tuesday..he's still out so hopefully he'll be back for monday. I'm going to ask to talk to the doctor alone because my dad adds in comments from his perspective and his perspective is extremely slanted, up until december he didn't even know I was depressed much less that I've tried to kill myself...
One question, would it be a bad idea to tell the doctor I have tried 10mg of adderall and that it actually relaxed me and made me feel much better depression-wise, it wasn't an intoxication at all (though for me it felt like it because I'm always depressed) it made me feel like I was normal and I read up and apparently if it makes you calm and focused you have ADD or ADHD (I doubt ADHD as I'm not hyperactive)
I live alone with my dad my mom and dad divorced when I was 5 and my mom lives 1200miles away I don't see her anymore because I can't deal with the transitions between different places and when I'm there she guilt trips me into thinking my dad is this evil person.
My dad is a counselor but he is HIGHLY critical and doesn't believe so much in medicine and when I have actually talked to him it didn't help whatsoever. I might get a therapist I'm going to see after I see my doctor which should be monday or tuesday..he's still out so hopefully he'll be back for monday. I'm going to ask to talk to the doctor alone because my dad adds in comments from his perspective and his perspective is extremely slanted, up until december he didn't even know I was depressed much less that I've tried to kill myself...
One question, would it be a bad idea to tell the doctor I have tried 10mg of adderall and that it actually relaxed me and made me feel much better depression-wise, it wasn't an intoxication at all (though for me it felt like it because I'm always depressed) it made me feel like I was normal and I read up and apparently if it makes you calm and focused you have ADD or ADHD (I doubt ADHD as I'm not hyperactive)
I'm going to make this short..
I took a 10mg adderall a friend gave to me and it calmed me down I felt happier than ever and I felt like I could focus much better so I probably have ADD though my dad doesn't think it's something I should take pills for even though it seemed to help me a lot more than lexapro could even attempt. It wasn't a fake happy like lexapro, lexapro completely changed me even my dad said though in his eyes it was for the better because I was "normal" but thats not who I am. I want to be who I am without being depressed and adderall/pot have both achieved that but due to complications neither of those are available though my friend is going to give me a bunch of adderall because he has a lot more than he himself needs.
I find myself beginning to hate shows that usually entertain me because of minuscule little things in them that I disagree with and it slowly makes me more and more anxious which leads to being depressed and sometimes a panic attack...I'm probably just going to take benadryl and goto sleep early I didn't sleep much last night and I don't want to be awake while I'm having a panic attack..
I took a 10mg adderall a friend gave to me and it calmed me down I felt happier than ever and I felt like I could focus much better so I probably have ADD though my dad doesn't think it's something I should take pills for even though it seemed to help me a lot more than lexapro could even attempt. It wasn't a fake happy like lexapro, lexapro completely changed me even my dad said though in his eyes it was for the better because I was "normal" but thats not who I am. I want to be who I am without being depressed and adderall/pot have both achieved that but due to complications neither of those are available though my friend is going to give me a bunch of adderall because he has a lot more than he himself needs.
I find myself beginning to hate shows that usually entertain me because of minuscule little things in them that I disagree with and it slowly makes me more and more anxious which leads to being depressed and sometimes a panic attack...I'm probably just going to take benadryl and goto sleep early I didn't sleep much last night and I don't want to be awake while I'm having a panic attack..
Do you only live with your dad? What about your mom? You really need to talk to someone. Can you talk to your school counselor?
I really don't think pot is the answer, although I understand why you're doing it. I know you just want to feel better. That's actually a good thing. It means you do want to live. As for the anger, anger is a symptom of depression, actually, so it doesn't really surprise me. When do you go back to the doctor who prescribed the medication? When a person is put on a ant-depressant, they are supposed to be monitered at least monthly. It can take awhile for you to see results and sometimes they have to try something different because everyone's bodies are different. Your doctor should know that and should be closely watching you. Doctors don't just prescribe anti-depressants and then drop you like a hot potato. If so, he'd need to be reported.
You need to go back to the doctor who prescribed the Lexapro and tell him everything you've said here. You need to tell him about the angry outbursts, the depression and the suicide thoughts. You need to be completely honest with him. They need to know this! You also need to tell him that you upped the dosage (which you actually shouldn't do yourself but under a doctor's orders). You need to get in and see him as soon as possible! If you haven't seen him since December, that's odd to me to begin with. They are supposed to closely moniter you, like I said, at least monthly. Make that appointment. They may need to give you something else. I have a friend who's on Lexapro and Welbutrin together. Her and her teenage daughter both take that combination and it seems to work very well for them. Again though, everyone's bodies are different and it could take some time and adjustments and experimenting to find just the right fit for you. Don't give up! You're on the right track. Just keep going. You don't have to feel this way. You really can feel better. If you want to feel better, though, you have to take some of these matters in your own hands and reach out for help. I wish you well. Take care and let us know what happens, ok? Hang in there!
God bless.
I really don't think pot is the answer, although I understand why you're doing it. I know you just want to feel better. That's actually a good thing. It means you do want to live. As for the anger, anger is a symptom of depression, actually, so it doesn't really surprise me. When do you go back to the doctor who prescribed the medication? When a person is put on a ant-depressant, they are supposed to be monitered at least monthly. It can take awhile for you to see results and sometimes they have to try something different because everyone's bodies are different. Your doctor should know that and should be closely watching you. Doctors don't just prescribe anti-depressants and then drop you like a hot potato. If so, he'd need to be reported.
You need to go back to the doctor who prescribed the Lexapro and tell him everything you've said here. You need to tell him about the angry outbursts, the depression and the suicide thoughts. You need to be completely honest with him. They need to know this! You also need to tell him that you upped the dosage (which you actually shouldn't do yourself but under a doctor's orders). You need to get in and see him as soon as possible! If you haven't seen him since December, that's odd to me to begin with. They are supposed to closely moniter you, like I said, at least monthly. Make that appointment. They may need to give you something else. I have a friend who's on Lexapro and Welbutrin together. Her and her teenage daughter both take that combination and it seems to work very well for them. Again though, everyone's bodies are different and it could take some time and adjustments and experimenting to find just the right fit for you. Don't give up! You're on the right track. Just keep going. You don't have to feel this way. You really can feel better. If you want to feel better, though, you have to take some of these matters in your own hands and reach out for help. I wish you well. Take care and let us know what happens, ok? Hang in there!
God bless.
I probably do have ADHD, dad won't pay for jack **** so I'm stuck there.
Thats not necessarily true, my friend has depression and they gave her adderall. I'm not going into a sport, thats a no. I've been in one sport and I never want to be in that type of position again.
I was planning on killing myself because of some events that were rather depressing (probably worst couple of months in my life) I had my knife to my neck a couple of nights but I just couldn't do it because I kept telling myself it will get better. That didn't work so I started smoking marijuana and it gave me something to look forward to on weekends to get me through the week for a long time there, it never made me feel like **** after infact I've always had an "afterglow" from smoking marijuana where I felt a bit better as if it was my 3rd or 4th day on an antidepressant except without being completely fake and ignoring the truth, of course adults don't believe me when I tell them this but whatever, a lot of adults are mislead and just plain ignorant.
After the "afterglow" i call it (it usually lasts about 6-8 hours after the initial 1-2 hour high) then I come upon a very small amount of depression for about 12 hours or so. This kind of depression is way different than the depression I feel everyday, it is much more mild and I can deal with it and it doesn't make me very suicidal unlike the depression I feel everyday. I smoke maybe once or twice a month so that has nothing to do with this, though you could call it my "release".
Though now it's a more manic depression lately, I feel like going out and smashing cars to let my anger out just because I really don't give a ****.
Thats not necessarily true, my friend has depression and they gave her adderall. I'm not going into a sport, thats a no. I've been in one sport and I never want to be in that type of position again.
I was planning on killing myself because of some events that were rather depressing (probably worst couple of months in my life) I had my knife to my neck a couple of nights but I just couldn't do it because I kept telling myself it will get better. That didn't work so I started smoking marijuana and it gave me something to look forward to on weekends to get me through the week for a long time there, it never made me feel like **** after infact I've always had an "afterglow" from smoking marijuana where I felt a bit better as if it was my 3rd or 4th day on an antidepressant except without being completely fake and ignoring the truth, of course adults don't believe me when I tell them this but whatever, a lot of adults are mislead and just plain ignorant.
After the "afterglow" i call it (it usually lasts about 6-8 hours after the initial 1-2 hour high) then I come upon a very small amount of depression for about 12 hours or so. This kind of depression is way different than the depression I feel everyday, it is much more mild and I can deal with it and it doesn't make me very suicidal unlike the depression I feel everyday. I smoke maybe once or twice a month so that has nothing to do with this, though you could call it my "release".
Though now it's a more manic depression lately, I feel like going out and smashing cars to let my anger out just because I really don't give a ****.
You could possibly have ADHD. I think if you went to a therapist he would probably tell you the same. The reason I think this:
You mentioned that you lose interest after 30 minutes of playing a game.
You also said you become fidgity.
Those are both symptoms of ADHD. If you are having suicidal thoughts though you will not be prescribed to Aderol or Ritalin. Maybe you should get into a physical activity like a sport. Weight lifting is a great way to gain focus, and get rid of anxiety and fidgiting. They actually did a study on it. It also keeps you from thinking about suicidal thoughts, because I have once planned suicide. Also do you smoke marijuana? If you do I would recommend that you stop, because it will make you feel worthless, after your high. Good luck
You mentioned that you lose interest after 30 minutes of playing a game.
You also said you become fidgity.
Those are both symptoms of ADHD. If you are having suicidal thoughts though you will not be prescribed to Aderol or Ritalin. Maybe you should get into a physical activity like a sport. Weight lifting is a great way to gain focus, and get rid of anxiety and fidgiting. They actually did a study on it. It also keeps you from thinking about suicidal thoughts, because I have once planned suicide. Also do you smoke marijuana? If you do I would recommend that you stop, because it will make you feel worthless, after your high. Good luck
Lol acula your comment made me laugh...I reported you as well though considering suicide isn't a good answer to give and then try to back it up by saying your a doctor, sort of contradicts itself.
Anyways...I think I may have found my answer, I started taking twice my dosage about 3-4 days ago and I'm already starting to feel like it's working much better so I'm just going to tell my doctor to start giving me 20mg instead of 10mg unless he suggests using a different drug to treat the depression. Though it really does suck that I can't get therapist at the moment I'll just have to wait a couple of months and then hopefully I can pay for it myself, I'll just have to put my trust in lexapro for the meanwhile.
My dad hasn't been able to get a hold of my doctor lately apparently so thats why I haven't gone to him yet which it is really inconvenient for the doc not to be in for about 5-6 days in a row but hopefully by monday he'll be in (I think he was on vacation or something).
I still am awaiting my results on the thyroid test so that could also be causing the depression.
Anyways...I think I may have found my answer, I started taking twice my dosage about 3-4 days ago and I'm already starting to feel like it's working much better so I'm just going to tell my doctor to start giving me 20mg instead of 10mg unless he suggests using a different drug to treat the depression. Though it really does suck that I can't get therapist at the moment I'll just have to wait a couple of months and then hopefully I can pay for it myself, I'll just have to put my trust in lexapro for the meanwhile.
My dad hasn't been able to get a hold of my doctor lately apparently so thats why I haven't gone to him yet which it is really inconvenient for the doc not to be in for about 5-6 days in a row but hopefully by monday he'll be in (I think he was on vacation or something).
I still am awaiting my results on the thyroid test so that could also be causing the depression.
What the h*** is the matter with you??! You're no doctor. You're a sick individual and I'm reporting you. I don't know how you sleep at night much less live with yourself. God help you.
I can't get a therapist...it's too expensive and I'm moving in 3 months (part of whats making me so depressed I'm guessing) and my dad is going to ***** and gripe if I try to tell him about my symptoms and call me a hypochondriac like he always does...One main reason I hate taking my antidepressants is because it makes me feel very fake (when they were working) and I would rather have an alternative to that...when I was on my antidepressants I was actually wanting to be depressed again because at least when I was depressed I wasn't shielding myself from the truth.
10mg seems like a pretty low dosage, especially if it hasn't been increased since December. When do you see your doctor again? They usually like to see you fairy often when you first get put on meds or there's an adjustment. It sounds like you need the dosage increased and maybe either another medication in combination to this one or a different one all together. That's the tricky thing about ant-depressants. It can take a long time of adjusting and trying new things before they find something that fits right for you. Everybody's body is different and react differently to medication.
You also need to be seeing a therapist, if you're not already. The drugs help take the edge off but they're not a magic pill. A person who struggles with depression needs counseling on top or in combination with the drugs. The therapist can help you learn to control your emotions and find healthy outlets for mood swings.
If you're feeling suicidal you need to be seen now! They need to know how you are feeling and what side effects you might be feeling from the medication.
Please go see your doctor and tell them what you just said here. Make that step. There is help out there.
I hope you can find something that works for you. Take care and keep in touch. God bless.
You also need to be seeing a therapist, if you're not already. The drugs help take the edge off but they're not a magic pill. A person who struggles with depression needs counseling on top or in combination with the drugs. The therapist can help you learn to control your emotions and find healthy outlets for mood swings.
If you're feeling suicidal you need to be seen now! They need to know how you are feeling and what side effects you might be feeling from the medication.
Please go see your doctor and tell them what you just said here. Make that step. There is help out there.
I hope you can find something that works for you. Take care and keep in touch. God bless.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Teen Mental Health Issues Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
