Suicidal Depression

[Icestar1000]

I'm a middle schOol preteen and I think I have depression....I've been cutting myself just to feel something I want to die so bad my family goes to church and learns about god. I keep thinking hell can't be as bad as life is now....I think my depression started when I was in the 5th grade I got into a big fight with a friend and I started to cut myself ...later on the depression lessens but soon when I hit summer it grew back because my family was going through troubles....my siblings hate me....I don't feel safe....school is suffocatin me my mom yells at me 24/7 my dad died a few weeks before the depression started I feel like I'm locked in a cage and I can't get out, everyday trying to convince myself that I'm not apart of this world . Everyone is trying to tell me to live in reality . There is no reality in my eyes. I want to die Im cutting so much now.....it hurts less and less and I'm doing it more often...I might as well bleed myself to death.....I only have this 1 friend who understands me and listens to me...I have other friends but I'm not truthful to them they cant c through me....I just want to die I hate life so much....help me Please please....if I decide to die I'm going to make sure the world hates me so that no one will miss me .... I want to die I feel hopeless :( please someone help me ....

[Icestar1000]

Thanks....I made and appointment with my councilor ...and it's not that I don't have friends its just even tho so many people r around me no one really understands me...and I'm hated by some people for no reason...my school doesn't exactly give you much freedom ...it's really strict and some teachers don't even care about you feelings...I gonna try to stop cutting...

[kelsebby92]

Have you tried going to you mom and talking to her about this? I'm sure your mother doesn't hate you, you are her daughter. If not her try going to your school consular.. and talk to him or her about how you are feeling. You may not believe it but if your feeling this bad about yourself you do need professional help Espically if your putting harm on yourself like cutting. It doesn't resolve anything but leave ugly scars on your body, trust me been there done that. You can be happy. You just have to chose to be. Find new friends in school, it might be hard, but having more people to talk to and keep your mind occupated can get your mind off of things, also try some sports, to get stress off your shoulders and to get some anger out. I found joining the swim team REALLY helped me out a lot and the best part about it I became one of the best on my team. But I really think you should talk to your mom or your counseler about this issues your having and grief about your father. It will really help you look up in this world. Middle and high school are tough times, but you wanna make sure your focused during them so you can make a good life for your self in the real world. Just give it a try talk to an adult. It can honestly really help you, believe me I've been in ur shoes.