TBI after suicide attempt

[opus88]

My husband attempted suicide 20 yrs ago by shooting himself in the head....he came out of it all pretty well considering, he is hemiplegic and blind in one eye, has no use of leg arm but can walk with a leg brace....but has many mental issues. Math for one, so I've had to look after all the household finances etc. and got accused of stealing etc from him, he still believes he is head of the house and consquently has full use of  our bank account, since he has a generous disability income, I had no right to stop him. he has also been given credit cards and has abused both over the years.....He is too close to being NORMAL and I can't certify him incompetent so you can imagine all the problems we have suffered for 20 years!
About 2 yrs ago he decided he wanted to move out and be on his own looking after his own affairs!
And he did ...we separated after 40 yrs of marriage, it has been a God send for me! But he has hit many road blocks, financial problems the biggest of course, he moved 5 hrs away but my son (here) has had to take over his bills, he just couldn't remember to pay any....
anyway after a year of being PO'd at me and all the family, he is now accepting help and phones or emails me everyday, just to talk...general things, how to do this or that or abt his cat or medical problems etc.
He is very lonely, he would never admit it but I know he regrets leaving...and now he knows just how much I did for him everyday. I'm scared I think he's going to ask to return, now that I finally have a calm and happy life.
But if he becomes much more unfit mentally there is no way he can survive on his own, I feel obligated to allow him to come back, what do I do??

[opus88]

thanks so much for the concern
there are many problems with your suggestions though, one he is now living 5 hrs away from here, and I CANNOT take a grown man to get any tests done without his consent!
and you can bet he will not consent.
Between myself and his former psychiatrist (here) we tried to get him some mental health help in his new town....with a referral this doctor asked mental health to phone and OFFER their services should he need any body to talk to etc. he refused, said he was fine!
also the town he is now living in has a pop of approx. 1000....has 2 doctors, no psychiatric dr. and maybe a small hospital....
he is on a truck load of meds including tegretol for his seizures and from my son watching his bank account it is evident that he is drinking a fair amount.and has had a few pretty serious falls...just like a 12 yr old(that is abt his mentality)..soon as he's away from home he is doing all these things that he can now get away with....
this is all such a complex situation..I could write a book!
My son and I are trying our best to look after alot of his needs from here, most without him even being aware of, some with his consent.....alot of detective work and sneaky measures!!! like I said he is very like a 12 yr old....on his own with money and credit cards and having a great time.
Without deep psychological testing we can't declare him incompetent and like I said he would never ever consent to this and he does operate at a pretty high level considering...it takes a very trained eye to pick up on his degree of cognitive impairment,  its his executive skills that are most affected.
I worry abt him alot, he could be severely taken advantage of for one thing or get seriously injured, than he'll turn to me for help when the damage is done. My own mental health would be seriously in jeopardy if he were to return as I am just beginning to feel normal after many years of constant mental abuse....we are now good 'friends' but only because of the distance between us.
I would appreciate any advice or to hear from anyone who has or is going through anything similar. thanks again
Pat

[Dr Santos]

Hi,

How are you? I'm sorry to hear what you've been through for the past 20 years. I do understand your concerns and I  think it is best that you talk to your children about this and explore other options to help him. Have him evaluated by his doctors, physically and psychologically, to determine his status and  if possible medical interventions may be effective. Support groups may also help your husband prevent his loneliness.

Take care and keep us posted.