Delayed / Retarded Ejaculation

[zack86]

Hello,

I am a 22 year old guy who has had delayed ejaculation problems which frustrate me a lot. I first started having Sex when I was about 18 and since then I have slept with over 60 different girls. By the age of 20 about, i find it increasingly hard to ejaculate. During Intercourse I don't feel much of the pleasures (except the first few minutes, untill the women gets "too wet", making me feel less). I remember the times when I first had sex, i came after just few minutes of intercourse and enjoyed it alot. I am very concerned to please the women and would ideally ejaculate after about 20 minutes of intercourse.

For the past year each time I performed intercourse it ended the same way. I had to masturbate and even then found it hard to come (sometimes even had to give it up...). Generally I masturbate about 1-2 per day without a Partner and I never have any problems then. It is just only when I perform sex.

During Intercourse I blame myself a lot and try to convince myself to finally come. I try to picture beautiful women but my concentration level doesn't stay. After a few seconds i lose the picture and thus am never able to get into a "preferred scenery". It feels like I am getting mental blocks, making it impossible to think of anything.

I am not stressed nor do i take any medication that could cause this disorder. I believe it's a mental problem and added to that, the stimulation is not so enjoyable as it used to be.

I fear that I might have slept with too many women, maybe even getting bored of the game. I never have any problems getting aroused or to keep an erection but it's just to coming part. Maybe it's also a genital problem as my left testicle always comes up the sack when close to ejaculation. It feels like the strings which it was attached to have been damaged or so... Or maybe, I am just too used to masturbating and prefer that. I don't know but I just want to be normal.

I feel really embarrassed each time and i am really getting scared for my future - because if this problem persists... I  don't know any further.

Please help me by giving some guidelines or tips what i should do. For now I won't practice any intercourse anymore as the last time I had it (this morning) was of total embarrassment to myself. The women even said that if it goes on too long she gets sore, making me feel even worse.

Thank you very much in Advance, any advise is highly appreciated.

God bless
Zack

[alyp]

You are very brave to recognize that you have an issue like this and that it needs to be given attention. My husband has this problem and can't acknowledge that it is something he has to work on. It is so refreshing to hear.

[Dr Smitha Mathews]

Hi,

Cigarette smoking can lead to vitamin-deficiency-related neuropathy that can affect feeling and sensation. This neuropathy leads to tingling sensation in distal parts of the body and has also been known to affect sexual performance. This can be corrected by taking vitamin B-complex supplements and cutting down on the habit of smoking.

Involvement in a relationship should be guided by right reasons and your motivations for the same will need to be accompanied by additional aspects other than just getting familiar with one person so as to fix the current problem. But that is something that entirely depends on your discretion.

You are right about the performance anxiety impeding your satisfaction and your solution for the same (relaxing, not treating sex as a performance, etc.) can go a long way in resolving the problem.

Setting realistic targets is very essential to their achievement and to avoid disappointment. There is no reason to abstain from masturbation per se, but you can do what you feel comfortable with in that aspect.

regards,

[zack86]

Dear Dr. Mathews,

Many thanks on your reply, it is highly appreciated.

I think I might have immured myself, as you state against involvement with partners. Especially with Females that I have sex with the first time I don't feel 100% comfortable and my goal is at least to get her satisfied. Naturally I want to leave behind a good impression but often fail to do so when seeing that I nearly can't ejaculate.

I was thinking a lot about this problem and I came up with a Theory which I believe might work, but I would appreciate your comment on this as well.

Maybe if I were performing sex with the same partner and stopped masturbating that much, (or at all) I would get used to it again and coming might become easier. I strongly feel that i have adjusted my body so much to masturbating that it just no longer works with sex.

Furthermore I feel that I must change my mind set and relax more during intercourse and actually try to have fun instead of forcing a performance.

As for the Sport part, I really should start doing regular exercises and thanks for the hint towards that. Do you think smoking cigarettes might have also been a reason for my problems?

How does this sound? I am fully motivated and 100% cooperative in achieving my goal and I really hope that this problem can be solved.

Thank you very much for reading and posting any further comments.

All the best
Zack

[Dr Smitha Mathews]

Hi,

Part of your assessment of the problem is accurate. Your impulses seem to have become jaded with partners of the opposite sex, even though you have no problems with satisfying yourself when alone. Since you are able to attain ejaculation normally with masturbation, and do not have any difficulty in attaining or maintaining an erection, there need not be a physical problem here.

This does rule out a physiological condition and focuses on the psychological aspect.
You will need to figure out whether you have immured yourself against involvement with potential partners and whether this could be affecting your performance.

Abstinence from casual encounters and being cautious about your involvement may correct the problem to a large extent. Indulging in other activities, such as sport, can provide an outlet for the energy and time you may have until you discover what you really want from the sexual aspect of life.

Do keep us posted.