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Boyfriend can't keep erection during intercourse. What do I do? How do I talk to him about it?
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by courtdizzle, Mar 07, 2007
I'm having sex with a 23 year old guy.I really like him and we seem to have great chemistry.The only issue we have is that he has a major problem maintaining an erection during intercourse and/or oral sex and he has NEVER ejaculated in the very many times that we have been intimate.I am more successful at keeping it hard during oral sex but still no ejaculation.After the erection goes away, he still acts and seems very much aroused and wants me to continue stimulating him but there is no erection and it takes A LOT to get the erection to come back. Sometimes it just won't come back and then I give up.One other thing that I have noticed that is different in him than in other men I've slept with is that he has a somewhat painful look on his face during intercourse and arousal and I'm unsure if it is just a weird "O" face or what. Plus I have to be on top almost 90% of the time.I can tell he has somewhat low self confidence which make me think that I'm not the only one this has happened with and also I am slow to bring the subject up to talk to him about because he avoids my question. I've tried asking him what he likes me to do and he either doesn't respond or his response is simply "whatever you do is great". During the moment of "failure" when he looses his erection I try my best to act like its no big deal and help boost his confidence but I can't help thinking that I could possibly be the problem and it hurts my confidence as well.
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Member Comments (93)
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by suziqframpy, Mar 07, 2007
sounds like you are taking the correct approuch by trying to talk to him. How long have you been together, if  not very long maybe it is a confidence thing.  My exboyfriend had a similar problem but after about 6 months he pulled right out of it.  I know it would be difficult but did you ever thing of a male enhancing product?
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by anxiousmomtobe?, Mar 07, 2007
I think he needs to see a doc and have a thorough check up.
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by lovethebops, Mar 07, 2007
I am Married, and my husband and I have experienced this from time to time..In general we have no problems..Here are a few instances where he has been affected: After we have a baby, I was breastfeeding and could not be on the pill, so we had to use condoms...my husband had a very hard time with this...it seems the condom had an effect on his feeling down there, and he could get an erection no problem, but than lose it during sex...I would often be irritated and upset thinking I had something to do with it (btw, my husband was 23 at the time as well)...So eventually I went back on the pill, and we no longer needed condoms.that problem was solved...Until we started to try to concieve our second child ..I was pressuring him so to do "it" all the time and when I ovulated, that we started to have erection issues again...He couldn't deal with the pressure and stress, he felt like it was all on his shoulders to get me pregnant..I was so upset, because after this would happen, I felt like my chance had passed and I wasn't going to get preg this month, But I would try to act like I wasn't upset in bed and would try everything to make it happen for him, even all those uncomfortable positions he liked..It still wouldn't happen..I was often frustrated, upset, and felt like it was my fault, i felt responsible...The point of all this is, once I sat down with my husband and talked, he let me know about the stress he was feeling and how this was effecting him in bed...So there was physically nothing wrong wih "him'', he just couldn't perform under pressure, and once it happened, It had a snowball effect, he was constantly thinking about what happened last time and was afraid it would happen again..So in your case, Is our bf under a lot of pressure, from work, school,ect, or is he under a lot of stress to perform?? This could be effecting him..if he is uptight and always thinking about or afraid that it might happen again, this could definately be affecting him. The best thing to do would be to talk it out, figure out what is going in in his head...Once my husband and I did this, we started having the best sex of our lives!! Good luck to you and I hope for the best!
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by mswamozart, Mar 10, 2007
I think a consult with a Urologist would be helpful.
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by managed18, Jul 03, 2008
i am 18 and dating another 18 year old. when we starting dating it was great and we slowly progressed through basis. then about 8 months ago we started having sex. the first time was funny as i expected but the second time was great. didn't use a condom the first to times but then decieded it was safer (duh). and thats when the problems started. during the nest 4 times after penetration i struggled to keep my erection for very long. but i assumed this was down to confidence, then after about 2 weeks we managed it fine. I thought the problems were behind us but then about  6 months ago we went on a break from sex for about 4 weeks and since then i have not preformed. At first i tried to ignore it blaming it on condoms being to tight (which they are but dont think that is only reason). recently e have started talking about it and she wants to know what she can do to help. i have tried asking her to put on condom but she couldn't do it in time and now i have hinted that she go on pill but does anyone have any better advice.
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by markymarkymark, Apr 23, 2009
I recently separated from my wife of 4 years, because she decided she didnt want a family.... I eventually started seeing a totally gorgeous, younger little angel who helped me through the rough patch.  She told me early on that she was a virgin, I saw this a a responsibility, not having ever been with a virgin, but we managed just fine and it was great.  Although our antics arent as wild as I have been used to, she really turns me on and I really like her.  Problem is that I am having trouble maintaining an erection.  I tried pills but found them touch and go and got headaches, she even sugggested we watch porn together, which we did , but still no joy.  She is being cool about it, as I am still able to satisfy her orally..... but I don't want her to feel bad for my problem!  I am 36, she is 24.  help anyone?