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Boyfriend can't keep erection during intercourse. What do I do? How do I talk to him about it?
I'm having sex with a 23 year old guy.I really like him and we seem to have great chemistry.The only issue we have is that he has a major problem maintaining an erection during intercourse and/or oral sex and he has NEVER ejaculated in the very many times that we have been intimate.I am more successful at keeping it hard during oral sex but still no ejaculation.After the erection goes away, he still acts and seems very much aroused and wants me to continue stimulating him but there is no erection and it takes A LOT to get the erection to come back. Sometimes it just won't come back and then I give up.One other thing that I have noticed that is different in him than in other men I've slept with is that he has a somewhat painful look on his face during intercourse and arousal and I'm unsure if it is just a weird "O" face or what. Plus I have to be on top almost 90% of the time.I can tell he has somewhat low self confidence which make me think that I'm not the only one this has happened with and also I am slow to bring the subject up to talk to him about because he avoids my question. I've tried asking him what he likes me to do and he either doesn't respond or his response is simply "whatever you do is great". During the moment of "failure" when he looses his erection I try my best to act like its no big deal and help boost his confidence but I can't help thinking that I could possibly be the problem and it hurts my confidence as well.
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Any guys out there having this problem taking any medicine on a regular basis? I don't mean taking meds for the problem I mean other meds. I was with a man for 5 years who started having a problem with ejaculating too quickly. Once we realized that the problem started after a med change, he went to his doctor and they put him on something else. He no longer has that problem. Check side effects of any meds you may be taking.
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I'm 18 and from time to time nerves do get the better of us guys. Like last night my gf wasn't feeling pretty, so she wanted to have sex so I could make her feel pretty. Well I was so scared of losing my erection that I couldn't focus, and guess what, I lost it. Now she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen let alone been with, and she takes it so personally, that we end up not talking for hours. Which I already know is going to affect me next time. Any ideas to help me keep my head on straight? I can't lose this girl, I love her.
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Hey I'm 20 and I've got the same problem(not staying hard) ..when we get intimate I can feel my hard boner throbbing away but when it gets down to the main event my boner shrinks shamelessly and it really pisses me off!! I've got the girl of my dreams who is sexually active and this problem occurs...My self-confidence just plummets down to the floor..and my girl would start feeling frustrated and feeling down(thinking she is the cause of the problem).. I always tell her that its not her its me who has a problem...It really gets me frustrated because all I want to do at this point is satisfy her sexually but I am kinda scared I will fail..again..but i sort of promised myself that I will let her go the next time this happens...but the mind being 90% and physical being 10% which causes erection I truly believe is the truth....
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Thank you so much for this advice and reassurance but the thing is, I have already done all of these things and the "playing" instead of sex thing is a good idea except he can't stay hard even when I go down on him. I'm not going to claim that I'm an expert in bed but we have been together for nearly a year and before this became a problem I was defiantly satisfying him and vice-versa. I really really am trying to be sexy and everything without putting on pressure for sex but it is really hard to know what to do when he says he doesn't know what has changed either.
We have talked about it but he says that he has no idea what the matter is and that he is not worrying about not being able to get hard before we start getting intimate so I'm not sure if the mental barrier theory is right either but at the same time he is fairly healthy and we are 19 so I doubt its a physical problem. Anyway, I was wondering if you had any other advice as your last post was very helpful and reassuring. Thanks.
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I am so frustrated I have been with my boyfriend for three years and all of a sudden the past 6 months he does'nt get hard and if he does its semi hard. I just don't know what to do anymore...I have tried everything I could but he seems not to stay hard longer that 3 minutes....so finally lastnite we tried and a few minutes into sex he was soft again and he blamed it on me.... I cried myself to sleep... I don't think I can deal with this anymore...
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Will masturbating often make male's penis sleep during sex?
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Well okay, i was going down on this girl the other day and we were messing around and i was fully erect for a while until she wanted to actually do the deed. Im a 20 year old male and ever since that day i havent been able to get fully erect. I have been very stressed and have read up in a bunch of things. And its never hapenned before. It was just wierd cause the whole time we were just messing around, foreplay and such, i was totally ready. Just when it came down to it i lost it and was so embarrased. Im thinking maybe its just stress... Thats what im hoping atleast....  
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avoid him for some time !!
den try 2 arouse him by a *******
diz wil surely work
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i need help im 23 and my husbands 24 sex has always been ok, but just ok. now fot the last year we only do 'it' maybe once a month and 90% of the time he loses his erection. im starting to feel like he doesnt find me attractive anymore and its making me have real confidence issues. iv asked him about it and he said ita because he finds sex boring and too samey but when i have tried to spice things up or take control he loses it anyway and its made me not want to try, kinda like im scared of rejection. he told me i need to dress up for him to keep him interested to make my body look nicer. it hurts that i cant just be myself and that be enough for him, im a size 10-12 and i know other ppl find me attractive. i  dont understand whats going on with him, does anyone have any advice?
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i need help im 23 and my husbands 24 sex has always been ok, but just ok. now fot the last year we only do 'it' maybe once a month and 90% of the time he loses his erection. im starting to feel like he doesnt find me attractive anymore and its making me have real confidence issues. iv asked him about it and he said ita because he finds sex boring and too samey but when i have tried to spice things up or take control he loses it anyway and its made me not want to try, kinda like im scared of rejection. he told me i need to dress up for him to keep him interested to make my body look nicer. it hurts that i cant just be myself and that be enough for him, im a size 10-12 and i know other ppl find me attractive. i  dont understand whats going on with him, does anyone have any advice?
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First of all, he's an a** for blaming it on you. Second, the same thing is happening to me. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. The first time this erectile disfunction occured was a couple years ago. And he was having stomach problems also. He went to the doctor and it turned out being stomach ulcers. After they took care of it, we began having sex again and he stayed hard every time. But just in the past week it started happening again. I asked him if he was stressed or if he had any health problems. He said no. I told him he should go get it checked out because I think it might be ulcers again but he's so stubborn he doesnt want to go. But every time this happens now, I always have a feeling that it's my fault. I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore. He says he does, but it still hurts my confidence a little that he cant stay hard for me.
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I'm 25 and my husband is 28 we have been together for 8 year but we just got married back in June. We have never had any problems making love until recently, he's hared when I give him oral like a rock and we start having sex then when he pulls out so we can do anothe position he goes limp there also a Time where he came but he wasn't fully hared he more to the limp side it's the 4th time it has happend and the other day he went down on me and got hared but only wanted to please me because he's scared to do it now cause of what happend he before he's assured me that it's not me but I feel hopeless and scared also I miss the passion we had as a couple and I feel like I'm alone. We were trying to have a baby and he also is the boss at his work and carriers a lot of stress and I asked him if it was because of trying for a baby he said no and he did tell me work has been stressing him out but he can't put his figure on it, so now he's on vitamin b12 we haven't tryed since he started the vitamin because he keeps thinking about it but he told me that he would go to a doctor if that wasn't the problem. Also he only wants to talk about when he wants too so it's hared to get him to have a decent conversation about it. I'm worried scared and feel extremely bad for him he has told me he doesn't feel like a man but I'm affaird if he keeps putting it in his head all the time that it's never going to happen again :(  I love him so much we have been thru a lot together but this is so scarey to me from being great and then it just came out of nowhere I miss our connection so much and I told him my feelings about it and he said he understands so can someone shed some light for me as I'm crying while typing this from my iPhone thanks it feels good to let it all out!
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So update I know not everyone wants to know this but we just made love and it was like nothing ever happend! And it was amazing maybe it was the stress from work. I don't want to get to excited just incase.
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Im 25, I have tried everything in my power to get it hard, I really like this girl she has a great body and all. But my penis couldnt get hard even tho if its orally or a sex it wont get up at all. And I dont feel scared or anything but I couldnt get it hard WHEN I WANT TO!!! When we do nothing and out of blue its hard as rock? Ive never had this experience before. Its my first time it happen. Please tell me how it will work again....
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1989549 tn?1326780504
did that work?
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I am having similar problems to a lot of the guys here. This is kind of a long story but i feel some explanation is necessary.
I am a 20 year old male and when i was 18 i got into a relationship with a girl who has herpes. I stupidly thought it was going to last forever and 6 months in the relationship we had a scare and thought i had contracted herpes even though i was using a condom and being safe, so we stopped using condoms. The sex in that relationship was great but everything else stopped being great after about a year, so we finally broke up a year and 6 months in. It's been 6 months since then and my life has been really great. Everythings been going well other than the fact that i have herpes now. For a while i wasnt really trying to sleep with anyone so the herpes wasnt much of a problem. it stayed dormant and doesnt bother me, the only thing i found bad about it was the thought of having to tell some girl or guy that i wanted to sleep with that i have herpes, which can be really scary. but recently i've met this girl and she's everything and more than i ever could have hoped for. she didnt get scared away by the herpes (which hasnt actually happened yet with anyone i've approached) and she's really in to me. she's really attractive physically, sexually, and in terms of personality. in just a short time i've come to care about her a lot...
which is why im terrified of giving her herpes. the fear is really present in my mind and as much as im dying to have sex with her over and over again, i cant keep myself hard. during foreplay i get really hard but as soon as i think of having to reach over and get a condom out and put it on so that i dont give her herpes my erection dies and my soldier goes to sleep for the rest of the night. on top of that, during the interim time after the breakup and before i met this new girl, i got used to the idea of being alone and watched a lot of porn and masturbated one or two times daily, pretty much just to get myself off. im going to try the 4 week regimen that smilingbobsuncle suggested and ill post my results here afterward.

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Dont think so negative about the situation i know its hard but i just turned 30 and iv starting to have erection problems as well . I do drink and 420 friendly. My wife is a sexy model turns males and females heads every time she steps out the house  .When this first started happening she started thinking it was her fault or i was cheating on her and it only made things worse because now i wanted to satisfy her but i over stressed the situation scared everytime it was going to happen again .Once we sat down and talked about it she bacame really cool and understanding so when i would go soft or couldnt perform she would tell me its ok babe go down give me oral and stroke me to completion then if she was really horny she would mount my face and u know the rest , ever since she started being so cool about it i have been able to get hard erections and perform great . I have also found out that drinking ginger ale instead of other sodas help light exercise helps me as well , 15 minute jog 2 days a week  . Good stretching .drinking a lot of 100% juice and i do not drink alcohol or smoke as much as i use to . Hope this helps
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Try having sex everyday try not to  be scared of rejection its only gonna stress you out . try to be really cool about the situation dont stress him out . oral sex is good even if it seems like he's not getting hard keep going dont stop once u get him hard and if he goes soft again hope right off and give him oral once more if u feel like u need some motivation turn around and put your P****** right on his mouth riding his face same time just keep doing things like this all the time more frequent its he needs blood rushed to his penis more often and the more often that gets done it the vessels in the penis gets stronger more durable . if this continues to happen after u tried this over a period of time , there is a strap on device that goes on over the penis just tell him to wear it and go to work. that will never get soft . just some ideas .  
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The only advice i have is try to be cool and calm about the situation like it dosent even bother you , and if he does go soft and u go down to give him oral do not be dissapointed its taking a while just keep going eventually your going to get his full attention back . he's losing focus and is starting to think all kinds of crap from she's going to be upset if i go soft to what the hell is wrong with me then its all over more blood is rushing to his brain then his penis because he is getting so nervous .Hope things work out
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After reading all of these comments, yours stood out the most to me and my heart breaks to read that your husband has expressed that he is not satisfied with you. Honestly, I'm all for a little dress up time, but if he is saying that it's too "samey" and that you need to dress up like someone else to satisfy him, it sounds like he's too focused on an unrealistic fantasy life.

I don't know what your communication in marriage is like with him, but I would ask him if he is watching porn or regularly engaging in self gratification (I'd be surprised if he's not). As you can see from a lot of comments here, that can really, negatively affect intimacy. I have read testimonies of men who didn't feel satisfied with their wife's body. But it was because they were constantly filling their mind with air brushed, plastic, unrealistic images of women. And once they took the steps to give up that addiction, they began to find their wife irresistible because they were connecting in the moment with HER and not fantasizing about someone else, or comparing her to other women.

From what you've mentioned, it honestly doesn't sound like you're the problem. Also you've mentioned that the sex has always just been "okay." Maybe that's because when it does work, he's focusing on himself and not on serving you. In my experience, a very important key to having an incredible sex life is to be committed to serving each other. If both aim to satisfy the other (with actions and words of encouragement & enthusiasm), then both have a much greater experience and feel even closer to each other each time.

As many have said here, it is a mind thing. It sounds like your hubby might need a cleansing of the mind to get rid of all unrealistic expectations of intimacy and to focus on embracing you in all of your natural beauty and glory! It also sounds like he needs a lesson in cherishing you. You seem to want to serve him and please him. That alone reveals that you are gift to him. If he's willing and humble enough, maybe counseling with help. (It definitely helped me and my husband to grow in intimacy.)
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I am having the same type of problem. I just lost my virginity on my 19th birthday and I want able to become fully hard. We were and still are into each other but I have a major problem keeping or even getting an erection. We used a condom the first time but I had no feeling and we just tried no protection and I felt everything but I could not penetrate because there was no lubrication. I feel like she is kind of the same way because she has trouble getting wet even though we are both really into it when we try having sex. Can any one give me any ideas or pointers?
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I am a 30 old married person. I get fully aroused during intimate times; however, ejaculate in seconds after foreplay is over. After the first round, it takes me about 5 minutes to get the erection again. When I was a teenage boy of 16 years I had anal sex with a female during which I got my penis hurt. The ligament or the membrane on the middle of penis glans that connects the forskin to the penis shaft was broken and blood came out. I felt a shock at that time and extreme pleasure plus some pain. After a week when I masturbated I ejaculated in few seconds and without much pleasure. After that incident I have never been able to feel pleasure as I did when my penis was alright (before injury). I still feel bad as I am not able to enjoy my sex life properly. It has become a machine kind of job where I feel a little pleasure only when I ejaculate and that too in quite early (few seconds) Please advise.
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To everyone here,
Im 16 and began to have this same problem. At first, we would bang a few times a week, maybe 3 times a day, and i could get and stay hard. Then recently, my problem started. It started after taking Nitric Oxide while broken up with my girlfriend. I masturbated to porn up to 3 or 4 times a day, and the Nitric Oxide allowed me to do so because of the blood flow. I went off the Nitric Oxide, and between the mental desensitization (from porn) and physical (from masturbation), I had serious problems keeping it going with my girl in bed. As of today, we broke up. It wasent a nerves issue because I was with her for almost 2 years, and even our 1st time (both of us were virgins) I was rock hard. I firmly believe that the excessive masturbation and porn caused my situation, and many of your's as well (after reading this whole blog). Tips:
- For the nerves: Gain self confidence by working out, and also, keep your mind from wandering. Focus on how hot your girl is and how badly you want to **** the **** out of her like a man and how thats exactly what you'll do. That always solved any fleeting nerve issue for me.
-For the people with condom issues (i.e finding that condoms feel weird). If you have the money to buy them, practice with them. Get hard, maintain the hard-on (without stimulation), and put on the condom, then continue to maintain it. Easier said then done I know, but being able to do that will prepare you for long foreplay. Also, Trojan Ecstasy condoms feel amazing...so much better than the others...I HIGHLY recommend them.
-Finally, for mental/physical desensitization. This is what I'm starting now. NO masturbation what so ever for 4 weeks. Avoid all synthetic sexual stimulation (i.e. get hard via your brain or seeing women in real life ONLY). Keep sexual urges at bay by running or other rigorous exercise.

Most of you probably don't need to see a doctor. Your body is very resilient, and will recover itself. I'm already seeing results and I haven't even started the "real" regimen yet. My mental sex drive is rising and I've started to be able to get hard to the thought of women I don't even consider much more than a 5 or 6 (out of 10). Yes, my nerves will be worse now that this has happened, but get confidence back. If your single, boost your ego by flirting with beautiful girls (without being a jerk), get used to being around any given girl, not just your girl, because your screwed if she leaves you and you were only comfortable around her. Do NOT smoke anything, and if you want to take off a nervous edge, get a little buzz, but no more or it will have adverse effects. During the 4 week period, find a goal to take your mind off it. Personally, I'm training for both football and the Navy Seals, so I can find any excuse to work out. Find your own goal. Don't go on any weird diets, but eat healthy enough. Were all in this together. Good-luck to you all, and keep posting!
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Am 23 my wife is 37 she's fat and her belly jus hang over its a big turn off for me and I want our relation ship 2 work, we use 2 have good sex but it all stop. We r in different country and when she visit like di last time I only did oral because after awhile my penis jus would stand. I need help she's fillin for devorse I want 2 save our marrage plz any advice out their?
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(25, male, fit) i had this exact same problem. its most likely a combination of performance anxiety and a change in sensation. erection loss due to psychological factors can be complex but its usually a fear that poor performance will lead to emotional rejection. this kind of pressure can make a man feel objectified, helpless, that his entire future hinges on the sexual performance at hand..which then creates the self fulfilling prophecy and a continuing negative cycle. being patient, loving and supportive is the only way around this, it may take months, even a year to get over and will likely be re occuring if issues such as self esteem etc arise through his life. the other issue that can cause erection loss is sensation change, men who masturbate regularly get used to the feeling and technique of their hand. just switching quickly to vaginal intercourse can get our subconscious confused and cause our little buddy to deflate in response. i suggest mutual masturbation, learn to enjoy sexual behaviour outside of sex itself, then have him transition, first with his hand on himself, then eventually penetration. if you find the process frusterating or time consuming then there may be deeper issues, sex should always be an expression of love, bonding, sharing, acceptance etc. i also recommend both of you stay away from porn, it sets an unrealistic standard that does not reflect the genuine human experience.
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2127016 tn?1337667463
Im not a doctor  But maybe he might have a penis problem if it hurts r it just wont stay hard   Maybe he thinks he is to small  Maybe he might not be into you  Maybe he gay whatever the reason talk to him and tell him to be totally honest with you  If he is in love with you which i hope he is  Make him see a doctor  it might be a problem that can get worse over time r while yall makeing love  Good luck girl i know it been awhile since you wrote it  But i just recently found med help and really bored untill my hubby gets off work.
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HI I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM I HAVE 1 KID 1 ON THE WAY I UNDERSTAND WHERE UR COMING FROM, ITS LIKE 1 EXTREME TO ANOTHER FOR ME WITH SOMEONE NEW AFTER SUFFERING ABUSE AND A MAN ON HEAT CONSTANTLY TO SOMEONE I REALLY LIKE/LOVE HAVING TROUBLE GETTING AN ERECTION.VERY CONFUSING TO MYSELF ETC
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Ok all i see is the problems could some one give a sollution??
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yeah we need solutions!
so what i read it was, that before sex you should just suck and lick, and advice to man, suck and lick your partner after you ***, feel relaxed. put that ***** in your mouth, finger it, make your partner scream, and u feel she is liking it, it will comfort you and brings courage. you should like it too when doing all this. so, when u ***, dont give up, keep going, licking, and when u feel its gettin second raund, before REMOVING your undewears clean your little man, and let girl play with it, enjoy first your good atmosphere before sex. so after, when its hard(you might finish when she is ** you, but she should keep it too to help you for the 3rd round hard).
and you should be ready to enjoy sex
i had my first sex at age of 23, (month ago), i always were with girls sucking and lickin i was afraid to have sex, i thought i will dissapoint my partner, and girls always wanted to have sex, and i just tried to say no, making soma fake reasons, and then my first sex, i was very angry and upset, and when i did what i read, its super cool
dont worry about size, my size is big, and i was unable to work, just give pleasure
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Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now and I truly love him we work great together, its like we were made together. We do so much things that a regular couple does not do and that makes me really happy until I think about the fact that he is scared to have sex with me. I've slept over many times we even took a vacation together just us and still nothing. And its like he has no problem getting it up when were making out and playing with eachother but as soon as our cloths come off he shuts down. We've also tried starting off naked to and still nothing. I dont know what to do anymore I even went to blaming myself but I never had this problem before. When we took a break I even took a chance with my ex to see and there was no problem. Now I just think he has performance anxiety  and I have no idea what else I can do. Can someone give me advice?
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Okay,

So reading all the above, confirms what I always thought...that its % 100 normal. It happens to ppl all over the world, all ages...young and younger too. I'll tell you my story:

I'm a 30 yr old male. Was married for 4 years. During that time, never once did I have a problem getting it up, or keeping it up. Maybe even the opposite problem with wanting it too much. lol Although I did love my wife...physically, and sexually, I was not attracted to her as I am with my new gf.

Thats right, we divorced and I'm now with a woman who I call "the girl of my dreams". I love this girl more than anyone other woman I've ever met. Sexually, I am so attracted to her fine body, I just want to **** her all the time. So we been together for 2 months now...during the first couple weeks...never really had a problem...well, I did...but here's where the next important piece of info comes in...I've been on prescription pain killers for a few years now. In case you didn't know...that stuff messes with your junk...so it was easy to attribute it to that. I decded that my junk is more important than the meds...so I quit...

Been clean for a week, and within the first few days...its like my penis was superman on extacy. lol Never felt it so hard. But then this past weekend...we were folling around, take our clothes off, start doing the do...and it fades like a Kobe jump shot. lol

I know whats wrong. Since there have been numerous times where this "fail" has happened...subconciously (or even consciously) we start thinking "OMG, penis don't fail me this time" before we even take off our boxers...sure enough, what happens ? Your focus becomes your reality. It cripples you. Then she thinks its her...and you have that akward few moments where you're both getting dressed and thinking FML !! lol

Whats important is this....IT WILL CHANGE !! It might take a few weeks, it might take a few months...maybe more. But if you love the person you're with....and are down to be patient until the mental block is overcome, one step at a time...then stick it out...b/c really, sex is only a small piece of a healthy relationship.

With my own situation, I have no doubt the drugs have desensitized my junk, where the brain isn't used to balancing out the naturla endorphins and dopamine that come along with sex...its still crazving the dopamine release from doing the drugs...I'm going to give it time. I've spoken with her, and she's really cool about it. She thinks she's not enough for me, and here I am thinking "oh great, now I've dissappointed her and she's going to go elsewhere"...thats B.S...neither of us really feel the way the other person thinks, and we're both just too focused on pleasing the other person.

Will let you know how it goes ;) But I'm pretty confident this will change. And pls do not resort to the blue pill...do it naturally. Believe it or not, take a teaspoon of honey, eat a banana half an hour before...and also eat watermelon...see if that helps ;)
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3132028 tn?1342543952
My boyfriend and I wnet through this. He would get hard and foreplay would be great but once it came time for actual sex, he couldnt keep it up. Natually it bothered me and because of that, I stopped want ing to have sex. Finally we alked about it and it turns out sex is painful for him. He is 25 and in good shape but when he was in the navy he crushed his arm and injured his back. The pain and the pain killers made it hard to continue. I would reccomend talking, especially if he look like he's in pain. You may learn something.
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Hi

Im RIcardo, I am a divorced male for the past 7 months and I met this girl now, Im in love with her and like to cuddle with her but my only problem now it seems I can't keep an erection to continue sexual activity with her. That really bothers me. I love her to death. She seems very understanding and willing to help me. She is sooooooooooooo sexy and i can't understand what's going on with me. Please help. I don't know if it's because it's been a while i don't have sex for the past 7 months or it's a mental thing. I want to please my girl, I love her.
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Hey everyone i'm 20 years old and i'm with my girlfriend (also 20) for almost 2 moths now... We wanted to have sex and i was the one to make the move all the time. We've tried 5 different times now and only had actual sex once.
i can get an erection with her easily but sometimes it seems as though she keeps arousing me for too long and i get tired and my erection starts to fade away. The time we had sex, she performed oral sex on me and worked out fine, but last night when i asked her to do it again she said "NO" because she thinks i can't get it up without oral and i guess she feels rejected. I really want to be with her but maybe i feel performance pressure, or confidence issues. Before we started beeing BF and GF we we're friends for almost 2 years. Maybe that has anything to do with it? Or should we just try talk this out and get over it and stay together?... I kinda lost over here xD
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Stop regurgitating the same ******* story over and over again with minor variations. this here is an actual contribution to you all based on my own reflections that i hope helps.  

In general all these young kids with erectile disfunction have it because of their over-masturbation which has been rampant in society since the introduction of internet porn. Its almost impossible to avoid this over-masturbation while going through adolescence and experiencing all the hormones and sex drive during that stage.

In this stage of adolescence (13-18), what happens is us boys beat the **** out of our dicks while staring at impossibly glamorous and erotic images on computer screens. Sometimes we bust 5 loads a day. Sometimes we go through 20 carefully selected clips before we tailor the perfect sensation for ourselves to strategically place our orgasm.

We wire our brains to be stimulated by images, rather than to physical contact.
Then, to make it worse, we have such a variety of porn at our hands that we have the privilege to become picky with what types of perfect models we want to see, and in what positions, etc...
Because of all this, our brain is then constructed, to have the actual neuro-transition passageways that concern the visual perception of arousal to completely override the inter-human physical contact neuro-passageways.

So when the pants come off and were in the bed with a girl, theres a lot of pressure from our brains to recreate what we now know as sex. Wether it be banging the perfect-yet fake- girl, or watching from another angle, it just cant happen.

Solutions? Stop watching porn. Period. From now on, if you masturbate, which you should do once every 2 days, do it with nothing more than your hand, staring at the roof. If you want to try and rewire your brain for actualy sex, try humping your hand instead of letting your hand do all the work. this way the motion of humping will be  now associated with producing an orgasm and your brain will slowly repair itself.

Have I researched a single thing about this? No. Does it sound exactly right? yes. because it has to be. Do I have this problem? yes. Have I tried this solution? nope, the forbidden fruit gets riper every day that it stays out there in the sun...anyways good ******* luck guys. I know Im still struggling...Im 19 and Ive used erection pills for  the pathetically low 3 times ive had sex this year and that turns out alright... egh, Im ashamed with what a little f porn junkie i was when i was little lol :'(
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I'm 27 years old and have the same problem. I get an erection from holding hands, kissing, going down...etc but when I start to have sex or even put on a condom, it immediately goes limp. I attributed it to being tired or stressed, but a major part of it is likely performance-based anxiety. I was with a beautiful girl last week, and performed poorly again. She agreed to have sex a couple more times, but just in case I bought a 5 pack of viagra. I tried it tonight, and it works very well so hopefully I can have sex the next time (if she actually comes over this weekend).

I'll try to limit my masturbating, drink less coffee, and stop watching porn. When I masturbate, I'll try to do it slower (like sex), and with less force even if it takes awhile longer. As for physical remedies, I'm considering a **** ring to prevent blood from flowing back into my body from my penis, and also considering purchasing the active chemical in viagra (sildenafil citrate) from an overseas supplier and using my lab equipment to do a chemical analysis for purity. This, because viagra is around $25-$30 per single pill.

I hope that many women are reading these posts as well, and taking note of recurring comments like "he might be cheating on me", "I'm not attractive to him anymore"...etc, or the amount of women who are getting angry. Those concerns you have are exactly the same concerns we think you have! This only feeds our anxiety. I know it's frustrating, but give us a break. As others said, a vagina only dries up and a simple lube can fix that problem. It's tougher to deal with a penis in this particular instance. Reassure yourself that poor performance in your boyfriend or husband is NOT your fault, THEN reassure us by letting us know that you're not hurt by it. It's absolutely critical for us to know that you don't blame yourself. If you get pissy after a poor performance or yell at us with no plan to do what I and others have suggested in terms of reassurance, then you might as well break up right now.
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I should point out that I tried viagra just on my own, to see if it would work. My erection came in 10 minutes without doing anything, and lasted 40 minutes until orgasm.
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It seems to be the same for me.  At first I was very much aroused by my gf, but after a while the arousal wore off.  That's it.  We're in a day and age where sex is slammed in our face, either online, movies, tv shows, reality tv, etc.  We can't help but to see different women expressing themselves provocatively with minimal attire.  Meanwhile, back in real life, my gf, who I adore and love with all my heart, doesn't turn me on as much like she used to.  So I'm looking into taking some type of male enhancement just to satisfy her, cause it's a two way street.  Hope this helps. ;)
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has this problem resolved itself?? I am having the exact same problem and cant seem to fix it
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Thanks, I'm suffering the same problem with my boyfriend of 11 months. We have tried talking throught it and that has helped a little. It may be due to the fact he watches porn alot but we will try the 4 week plan and see what happens, thanks for the help. :)
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Hello - it helped to read your comment.  I am going through the same thing with my bf now.  Our chemistry is amazing - when we're together you can feel the love and caring we have for one another.  We are both divorced: both of our ex spouses cheated on us and it has been a journey to pull ourselves out of something so hurtful.  While my bf and I both enjoy sex, he cannot maintain his erection when we're intimate. I try to reassure him but my confidence has taken a bit of a hit.  I have never had this problem with a man before but I absolutely love and adore him.  I'm sure whatever he's going through (psycholigical) is manifesting itself sexually - but reading what you wrote about loving your gf despite the issue is encouraging.  It would be a shame to lose what my bf and I have over something like this.  Thanks!
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I am 20 year old male and I recently had the same problem. I could get the erection no problem but maintaining it was another story. The problem, which is possibly the same for you, is that once I'm in sign after the initial penetration I couldn't feel anything. After reading a few post throughout my search I discover a remedy that worked like a charm for me. It was my masturbation technique. Instead of the "stationary stroke" where I just grip my penis and tug until I got off, I deferred to a stroke that more simulated the act of sex. Instead of just gripping my penis (which no vagina is tight enough to match) I actually stroked/rubbed my penis. The problem with the stationary stroke is that after so long you desensitize your penis. because of the amount of pressure you place on that one spot. If you actually stroke up and down your penis from the bottom from the tip you'll be able more simulate a woman's vagina. At first difficult to actually get an erection like this let alone ejaculate but once that becomes your habitual style of masturbation you'll be able to get off like normal and the feel of a woman will be times better than what it had been in the past
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I'm 26 years old and also can't usually maintain an erection during sex. I can get an erection with intimate contact (kissing, touching, and foreplay, and oral) but cannot maintain it during full intercourse. The blame for this problem lies in many different places but blame only helps prevention, not recovery.

I believe the majority of my specific problem is due to trained behaviors/habits, psychological problems (stresses), and is not due to ED. I had my long-term girlfriend check my penis while I was sleeping several times and she said I held an erections easy for 30+ minutes while sleeping. Holding an erection while you're asleep is supposedly one good way to determine if it's erectile dysfunction or not. If while you're asleep you have an erection and maintain it, then there are probably some other factors causing the problem.

Here are the lifestyle changes I'm adopting first instead of resorting to the pill. Some of these items may be useful to other people. I'm not saying it's easy (it *****, a lot) but in the long run I feel it will pay off. The other option (a frustrating sex life) is worse than everything below combined, trust me:

1. Porn. I'm reducing the amount of porn I watch and only watching videos that are realistic now. These videos are shot from angles that guys can actually see while having sex. I found a personal trend towards certain angles you can't really see while having sex in the porn I liked to watched. I believe cutting porn out entirely is probably a bad move though I now masturbate 2 or so times a week without porn. Linking a familiar visual stimulation, I think, should ultimately help during real sex. Also, I'm not watching the same videos over and over every time as 'go-to-videos.' I have a feeling I've trained myself to ejaculate to certain videos so mix it up!

2. Masturbation frequency. The porn reduction is primarily due to masturbation reduction. I was masturbating way too much (2-3 times a day). I've cut back to once 4-6 times a week now (hey, it's progress!) and intend to get down to 3-4 times a week. I will not cut out masturbation entirely since it is actually good for your prostate health and as a stress reducer.

3. Masturbation technique.

   a) Speed. I was moving my hand way too fast in an almost jack-rabbit like motion. I don't care how much cardio you do, this motion is not possible to replicate in real life by thrusting, even with two people, especially not for an extended time. I'm now stroking much slower and trying to match a reasonable speed I can maintain thrusting motion with bursts and still achieve orgasm.

   b) Grip. I was holding me penis too tightly and in a fashion that was difficult for someone else to replicate with a hand, nor less a vagina. I am now using a much looser hold that feels similar to a vagina. I don't always achieve orgasm but this is slowly changing with continued practice. I also purchased a masturbation sleeve (rubber tube) to use as well which to me, feels like the real thing once you add lube. I occasionally hold it stationary and thrust with my body instead of using my hands. This forces me to find the appropriate speed and the relevant sensation for that speed. It's difficult but I can now orgasm this way within 20 minutes (instead of the 100+ minutes it initially took).

   c)  Friction. Lube, lube, lots and lots of lube. Before I used to use a little spit or sometimes even do it dry. Terrible terrible idea, I can't say this enough. This can desensitize your penis over time and you won't even realize it (it doesn't hurt at all). I do not allow myself to ever masturbate without lube anymore. The wet feeling is also much more realistic than spit.

   d) Timing. I do not masturbate to morning wood anymore. Orgasm is far too easy and is around the peak of your testosterone cycle. I have moved my times to mid-late days when it's more likely I'll have sex. I figure in the future, if a nice morning after follows, it shouldn't be a problem ;)

   e) Focus. I'm moving the focus away from orgasm to pleasure and putting less focus on the head and more to the entire penis. I had only been stroking mainly the head but now I'm including the entire penis shaft, sometimes even avoiding the head all together. I figure less contact will make it even more sensitive over time, allowing the tissue to soften up some.

   f) Condoms. I've been occasionally using condoms when I masturbate with my hand or the sleeve. It might seem stupid (and yes, somewhat expensive) since it's not the intended purpose but I'd been having sex with my gf without condoms due to the pill plus my erection problem (removing condoms from the picture helped a lot, but didn't do it all). Condoms reduce the sensation and force me to focus on other aspects going on, helping me increase my ability to orgasm. At first, it took over an hour to ejaculate with a condom, now I can do it in around 25 minutes without falling into my old habits.


3. Exercise. I've been exercising more for multiple reasons, but to increase my overall stamina and blood flood for sex/erection, I've been jogging/running and I've been able to move from ~1 mile to 4-5 miles in 30-40 minutes 3-4 times a week. I've found that the more cardio I can endure, the longer I can last when thrusting my masturbation sleeve and the stronger my erection is (though other stuff is also contributing I'm sure).

4. Boxers. I got in a habit of sleeping naked. It turns out my sheets are slightly rougher than my boxers. Also, moving around in the bed gives me frequent unneeded stimulation every night whereas in boxers, additional sensation due to motion is reduced. I'm also buying more silky/smooth boxers to help speed the process up for the time being. I intend on slowly moving back to smooth cotton once the issue is manageable.

5. Creams. I have been using a light dermatological recommended moisturizing cream designed for other sensitive skin areas and I recently started applying some to my penis, especially the head. The cream is designed to keep sensitive skin from drying and also soften the skin, increasing sensitivity over time. I actually was prescribed this for a different reason but I count making me aware of this cream as fate. It seems to be helping.


There are other factors that are more difficult to control and adapt to which are psychological.

*When having sex, I worry about performance due to past failures and as others have said, this snowballs.
*You also worry making your girl feel self-conscience thinking it's their appearance (when it's probably not!).
*Other problems are focusing on achieving orgasm for your girl instead of enjoying the sex, and it becomes stressful and feels like a job to complete instead of sex.
*Ironically once you're at this point, you've probably abandoned condoms to get better sensation and now you're stressed about a potential accidental pregnancy (even using the pill), compounding the issue.

None of this helps the physical/physiological issues at all, believe me. It only makes the guy feel down right depressed though he may or may not share that with you depending on how close you are and how comfortable he is talking about it. It takes quite awhile to be comfortable talking about it even with someone close, at least it did for me. For many, this is the 'essence' of your masculinity, after all... and it's not working properly, think about that.

Needless to say, with all of this sexual reduction, I feel like I'm pumping with testosterone. The more that builds up though, the easier it seems to be to keep an erection and orgasm. It ***** growing up in the internet porn generation, it's definitely caused me a lot of frustration :( I hope some of this helps some other sap sucked into this practice out there, I've lost someone I really cared about because she couldn't take it anymore (and I can't blame her). Hopefully this works and hopefully it helps someone else!
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First reason:when guys jerk off a LOT (like me 3-5 times a day) it cuz serious mental problems (from my experience)
Second reason: I tried to stay Hard by washing my pe..s with a cold shower. It helped me only during 3 weeks. after besides of eraction problems I began to get and pee problems. Any way, STOP JERKING OFF or you will never stay hard and TRUST IT EXTREMELY DRIVES GIRLS CRAZY IF U *** OF DON'T STAY HARD DURING THE SEX.
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First reason:when guys jerk off a LOT (like me 3-5 times a day) it cuz serious mental problems (from my experience)
Second reason: I tried to stay Hard by washing my pe..s with a cold shower. It helped me only during 3 weeks. after besides of eraction problems I began to get and pee problems. Any way, STOP JERKING OFF or you will never stay hard and TRUST IT EXTREMELY DRIVES GIRLS CRAZY IF U *** OF DON'T STAY HARD DURING THE SEX.
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Hi I am 24baby years old. I just returned from Afghanistan a little over a month ago. At first when I got home the sex was great. I have been on leave for almost a month now basically sitting on my *** on the couch. Lately I am having a problem getting and maintaining an erection. My wife thinks it is her but I know that it is not. I only thought about her the entire year ago I was gone. Not only that but I'm moody, feel tired all the time with no energy and just want to sleep. I love my wife to death and don't want to see her hurt anymore. Thank you
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My personal experience through my byfriend is that, watching  porn and masturbating while watching porn, makes the brain move away from reality. Brain is the first and foremost  sexual organ, then comes rest. Most ED problems are because of brain. Avoid alcohol by all means, Avoid too much computer & TV, Have healthy foods that are rich in zinc, Regular exercises and Prescribed ED drugs in less frequent intervals would improve the body re coupe its original vital. In general during cold winters, the blood flow to all parts of the body would be less, it is better to have regular exercises especially during winter. Last and important, the intercourse would be different every time so do not expect to be like in porn. Believe it or not most porn is engineered not true.
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I know the feeling. I am 21 and my boyfrien is 35. we have tried so many times but he just can't keep an erection long enough. He has been able to get off twice so far but thats after less than a minute. which means none for me. he does great orally. But it's not enough. he can't keep it up because he is thinking about other things.. But never says what..  he is divorced ou of a 15 year marriage.. I worry I'm not good enough and that he's still thinking about the ex. it really breaks my heart.
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Hi Everyone

I am a 22 year old guy. Till last week, me and my girlfriend used to have mind blowing sex. We use condom, do foreplay and nothing went wrong. But, last week we were doing the same, I fingered her v*****, somehow my nails did hurt her walls. Afterwards, I put a condom on me and inserted in her. She told me that she needs to pee as something was hurting inside her. After those 2 minutes, she came back and we were ready for it, but immediately my erection went off and I was limp and flaccid. Don't know why. We stopped the intercourse session and diverted our minds from that.
Today, we tried again this time. I was great and erect to heights in foreplay but when it comes to penetration, I put a condom on and it got flaccid again.

Do anyone know what is the problem. I am really worried about it as this has happened for first time in my sex life.

Thanks
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There are many reasons this could be happening:
1. Drugs. There are a lot of medications that can cause this, including some very common ones like antidepressants, antianxietals, antipsychotics, and those that treat ADHD (Adderall is especially damaging to erections even though it makes you horny at the same time). So you should ask him if he takes any meds and Google their effects on erections & sex, then how to combat it. Alcohol is also known to have this effect. Some street drugs as well. Now, all of these meds are depressants, sedatives, or tranquilizers but there are many other types can have this effect.
2. Physiological, or physical. There are medical conditions that can cause loss of erections or erectile dysfunction: obesity, diabetes and high blood pressure are often associated with ED... lack of sleep and even your daily diet are known causes. Smoking, of both cigarettes & marijuana, effect blood flow and can cause ED. So you need find out if he has any physical issues that are causing it.
3. Psychological. Although physical reasons are more common, there are, of course, psychological reasons for erectile dysfunction. For younger men, ED is often related to anxiety, stress or psychological trauma (especially due to a prior distressing sexual experience). In younger men, “performance anxiety” is a biggie!! Honestly, the only fix here is for him to be open and talk with you about any fears or anxiety relating to sex, or if there is a prior sexual trauma causing the issue he needs to, again, be open and talk through it with you in order to start healing and start feeling safe and OK about sex, especially with you...
4. Orientation. It may sound stupid or implausible to you, but he could very well be gay, or bisexual and be more comfortable with men than women, and just not want to tell you or "come out". It's more common than you would probably think or believe.
There aren't really any quick fixes to this issue, but if he doesn't take any meds that could be causing it - something you can try is Sudafed. Have him take a dose of Sudafed 30 mins or so before sex and see if he's able to keep an erection the entire time and ejaculate... it has certain properties that will negate some of the causes of ED, both physical and psychological. A trick I picked up years ago in one of my Anatomy & Physiology classes!!
Good Luck, and I hope that if this answer doesn't highlight the actual cause, that it at least gets you thinking and pointed in the right direction...
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