Boyfriend can't keep erection during intercourse. What do I do? How do I talk to him about it?

[courtdizzle]

I'm having sex with a 23 year old guy.I really like him and we seem to have great chemistry.The only issue we have is that he has a major problem maintaining an erection during intercourse and/or oral sex and he has NEVER ejaculated in the very many times that we have been intimate.I am more successful at keeping it hard during oral sex but still no ejaculation.After the erection goes away, he still acts and seems very much aroused and wants me to continue stimulating him but there is no erection and it takes A LOT to get the erection to come back. Sometimes it just won't come back and then I give up.One other thing that I have noticed that is different in him than in other men I've slept with is that he has a somewhat painful look on his face during intercourse and arousal and I'm unsure if it is just a weird "O" face or what. Plus I have to be on top almost 90% of the time.I can tell he has somewhat low self confidence which make me think that I'm not the only one this has happened with and also I am slow to bring the subject up to talk to him about because he avoids my question. I've tried asking him what he likes me to do and he either doesn't respond or his response is simply "whatever you do is great". During the moment of "failure" when he looses his erection I try my best to act like its no big deal and help boost his confidence but I can't help thinking that I could possibly be the problem and it hurts my confidence as well.

[madman192]

hey im 17 yrs old and i have a 18 year old girlfriend. When me and her fool around or even just snuggle, i can get a erection rather easy and keep it. When it comes to sex its no problem there either. my problem is that i cant ejaculate during sex or even oral sex. I dont know why i cant, with sex it feels good but i cant get to the point where i can "finish" same thing with oral sex it feels really good (better than sex) but i just cant get to the climax.this makes my girl feel really bad and makes me feel really bad as well. Please help me, ive read about how if you masturbate too much it can cause desensitation. i would appreciate input from others.

[The_Tempest]

All,

I also have this same issue. I am a 25 years old, and I am in good physical shape.

I have had this problem for awhile but have not taken any serious steps until tonight to resolve it.

In my life I have been "with" quite a few women. But by that I mean when I am doing sexual things to them, it has mostly all been oral, or me pleasing them myself. That is because like most of the people here I struggle with having intercourse and keeping a erection.

I write this after my new girlfriend of a month and a half, just tried to have sex for the first time. She teased me immensely and I was extremely turned on (under my pants). I pleasured her as much as I could with foreplay until she couldn't take it anymore and almost literally ripped my pants off....and to my absolute horror, my extreme erection started fading away...I'm sure some of you can imagine how frustrating this is. My girlfriend is beyond hot. I am the enemy of everyone at work and all my friends are green with envy, and I am not even in her league.

I played it off being that It was late, and because she teased me for so long I was now really tired...I hope she bought it because I can't sleep I am so upset with myself.

I think what some of you said may be true, that perhaps the masturbating thing could be one of the problems. I do it once a day, sometimes even twice, and I am usually pretty quick about it. I'm going on vacation starting today and I will not do anything sexual to myself for that time period. I can only hope that when I get back and see my GF, that my body will do anything to stay erect to get what it wants.

I am definitely going to see a doctor either way though. This must be solved. I only hope I don't have to rely on a drug, as I consider myself still pretty damn young.

Good luck everyone.

[oneqkgsxr]

Please Help! my wife and I had the biggest fight 2 weeks ago (super stressful)  and I just started riding a motorcycle (gsxr 1300r) 3 weeks ago.. i did notice a bit uncomfortableness in my groin area but ignored it.. I am in my early 30s and I am in great shape and my wife is beautiful.. what is wrong with me! can it be the bike? my anxiety level is off the charts right now and i know its not doing me any good.
I am beginning to think its my motorcycle because now when I get on it that uncomfortable feeling is gone! what if i damaged a nerve or artery/ vein or something! I just want to be back to normal! please help!

[super_BIA]

im 16 and am having this problem but only recently up until about 8 months ago i was fine wasn't a lot that could keep it down when i got out of a relationship it changed i dont know what has happened since i have had sex with more than my fair share of girls and been fine and over the last 8 months i have tied it with 3 girls and it just goes floppy and this is with and without condoms i just dont know what to do as its effecting my confidence and im getting very angry about it HELP ME ??  

[theenterpreneur]

Your comments regarding "short bursts in solo stimulations" are spot on.  I am 30 years old male and have had similar issues.  I had some girl action last week and just couldn't keep my erection long enough.  My brain would think of sex and i would get an erection almost instantly.  Then i just couldn't sustain it for more than 3 mins after penetration.  I mean, I gave her ridiculous oral, but it was just hopeless when it came to intercourse.  I would try to look at her nakedness (she isn't that hot, but that's not the reason), but it didn't help.  I ended up pretending to be playing with her for a bit to give myself time to get hard again.  Then it would be a race to ejaculate before I lose it.  Pathetic.  I mean, I have been complimented for my bed-related prowess multiple times before.  I think it's all due to porn/masturbation combination behavior.  I use a lot of porn to masturbate and the multiple visual/audio stimuli make it easy to fantasize and maintain a "series" of many short erections.  When it's time to have sex with one girl, it's only "one" stimulus and your penis only respond with one short erection, since it "expects" different visual/audio stimuli are coming soon.  It's going to be hard to stop, but I will attempt the 4-week no porn regimen and see what happens.  To those with boyfriend problems,  talk to them about their porn behavior.  Watching one porn movie at a time may be ok, but watching five different short clips of favorite positions/situations all at once is a real problem.  

[sean300]

reading all these posts makes me feel i'm not alone. i'm 41 and i never had problems getting hard or keeping an erection until recently. i mean i was an animal. but now i can only do this in flashes. i'm very disturbed.

yes, i watched porn. have been doing so since high school. then i stopped for about 10 yrs. then started again. it never affected my performance, prolly increased it. i got divorced and started masterbating. i think that's where my problems started.

i read that masterbating affects sexual performance. i'm so regretful i masterbated especially since my religion discourages it. and now i find out that masterbating has negative effects. i regret it and watching porn.

now i really want to be the way i was when i was an animal in bed. i prayed the other night and asked the lord to help me. i will also take the advice of the guy who said you should focus on having a pleasurable experience w/your partner without thinking about some porn scene or the like.

i'm also going to try some herbal supplements to replenish whatever i lost from masterbating to porn so much.

so hopefully prayer, avoiding masterbating and porn, natural supplements, and fantasizing about my wife only will help me get back to the way i used to be.