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Painkiller addiction
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Painkiller addiction

The first step to overcoming an addiction is admiting you have a problem..... I have a problem with drugs, mainly perscription drugs. It took a while to admit that because I compare to other users. I go to work everyday, make great money, people person, great mother, I dont drive all day and hours if I cant find my fix(I see friends do that with their almost 4 year old).... these are all things that would block me from ever thinking I had a problem. I have a mental addiction more than physical. I know I need to stop. I know all of the benefits, i've discussed everything deeply with my spouse, I just cant seem to stop. I've thought of everything and it works for a little bit. One thing, as sad as it is b/c they were friends with out pills at one time, is cut out talking to the people I get them from and get for. I do that. I wont be crving anything and the thought will pop up and i'll jump on it. I have a son who is 4 1/2 months old. I didn't do anything when I was pregnant but it didn't take me long after I had him to pop a couple pills and eventually turned into putting oxycotton's up my nose. I'm 22 years old. I make between $35k and $40k a year. We live in an apartment right now with almost all utilities included. Rent is only $585. I'm sharing this to say out loud that I have a lot of extra money. Extra money that could go to debt I have or even better, my son's savings account! It doesn't and this has to stop. I'v streesed to my husband that I need him to support this 100%. Problem is, he does it too. Not as much as me, he has control and is a social user. I believe he shouldn't use at all and he thinks once in a great while is okay. I think he finally understands that I cant control this and I need him to be 100% sober with and for me.  Thank you quick for who ever cares enough to read this. I've tried rehabs before. I drank a lot as a teenager and my parents have sent me to 2 rehabs. I did great. I understand the addiction completely, I just can't seem to stop my mind from talking me into pills and any high for that matter. Seriously! Most people's little voice tells them to stop, mine tell me to do it. The main functioning part in my brain knows I have to stop. I have to go through withdralws and that is hard for me. I don't want to neglect my child because I feel like ****. I've decide to give all of my money to my husband so I can't have access to it with out going through him. I think that will help. I'm also going to ask my friends who are tied in with that to leave me alone for a while. I need to do this. I want to do this. I've probably spent over $2,000 since I've been back to work after the baby. I want to be healthy for myself and most importantly my child. He's wonderful. Almost 5 months-21 lbs 27 inches, very content baby. He's doing everything he should be doing at 6mos, and I tell you, this kid only cries when he's tired. I think one of Grandmas havsn't heard him cry yet! I want to get better befor he starts to know. My friends with the 4 year old thinks their kid had no idea! They don't snort up in front of him, but they do in the front seat when he's in the back. There was formula on my counter and a card next to it, this almost 4 year old took the card and was mocking chopping into a line, that is horrible! Sweetest kid ever though. Another girlfriend of mine has a almost 13 year old. Great kid, really, but you know he knows. Her and her husband are putting over 10 up their nose a day, each HAD at least 3 perscriptions of oxy EACH and will do it right in their kitchen. Plate with utensils are on top of the fridge, you know he's looked there before. I don't ever want my child to see that. I'm setting an example to mold that kid for the rest of his life.
Thank you for letting me talk and read this. I guess my questions are... What helps withdrawls? I wont go to the doctor and I would like to avoid other pills. Any other ideas to help me stop? I've been to meeting, not good for me. I never talk and will never. I am, however, a great ventor with wrting. I will express all of my feeling through type and I really need that. Anybody that would like to talk with me, let me know please. I need someone or people to drop a message to quick. I will not ever admit this to family. I know I can do this. I will do this. Once I've kicked this habbit, I plan on sharing with people I love. I've rambled, thanks for the ears... you might be saving someone's life.
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Avatar_f_tn
You should be very proud of yourself for admiting this and seeking help. That is a huge step....as you know!
First, have you thought about counceling? Maybe that might help. And you should talk with the Dr. that is prescribing the pills to you so he won't give them to you anymore. (unless you are getting them from some place else)
About 8 months ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis. I was in SEVERE pain. I couldn't function. My Dr. put me on high doses of oxycodone to help with the pain. I ended up having a hysterectomy 2 months later. After the pain stopped from the surgery, I stopped the pills. I ended up having major withdrawls. I had no idea I was addicted. I wasn't mentaly addicted, I hated the way the pills made me feel, but I was definatly physicaly addicted. I went to my Dr. and talked with him about this. He set me on a schedual to wean me off the pills. And he also gave me this blood presure medication in the form of a patch that really really helped with the withdrawls. I can't remember the name of the patch right off hand, I'm not at home right now and probably won't be for a few more days, but when I get home I can give you the name of the med. if that is something you are interested in trying. Well about a month after I started weaning I coudln't take it anymore cause I just wanted to be off the pills. I couldn't take being high like that all the time. I was no good to my family being like that. So I decided to just go cold turkey. That was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I'm not sure if I would have gotten through the withdrawls if it were not for the patch and the antidepressants my dr. put me on. But I got through it and have never felt better!
I know your situation is different because you are mentaly addicted.

I think it's a good idea that you stay away from anybody that uses also. All that will do is give you the oportunity and temptation. I would talk with your dh again and explain how hard this is. If he truly loves you he will do this for you. It's not right for him to be using.

Also, maybe there is a support group in your area that you could join to help you, or find a sponcer. I don't really know how it works, but maybe something like AA might be good for you.
There is also a addiction forum on here that you could go to. I'm sure there are a lot of people on there that could help, give you advice and support.

I know it's scary and lonely going through something like this.
I really hope things work out for you and you will get the help that you need and finaly beat this for good!
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Avatar_n_tn
Well the first step to getting healthy is admitting you have a problem. Congratulations, you have took the first step.  I have never used any drugs, so I don't know what you're going through.  But my dad does drugs (prescription and street) and I hated growing up with him, his addiction never started out bad and as our family grew and stress grew his addiction got severe.  I have now had to give him an ultimatium. He needs to get clean or he can't be around my daughter once she's born.  I could tell when he was on drugs when I was only 2 or 3.  He acted different.  I guess I just wanted to share that with you because I would love to help you in any way I can. If you just need to email me or get online and chat when you get the craving, I would.  I don't want to see your son grow up how I did. You seem very responsible, and if you take it one day at a time I think you can beat it.  

You can always find me on here or you can email me at ***@**** if you would like to contact me through email.

Remember, take it one day at a time!
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Avatar_f_tn
WOW, if i didn't know better i'd think i wrote that letter!! Wish i could say something to help but i'm in the same boat. Good luck
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172023_tn?1334675884
If the first step is admitting you have a problem, then the second step is seeking out professional help in dealing with it.  Good luck to you.  There is no other permanent way.  If you can't bring yourself to get professional help now, you'll continue to have a problem until you do.  
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