Should I stay so my child can meet his father

[BabyDontCry]

Hi I am 17 and 7 months pregnant. The father of my child said he wanted me to get an abortion in the start & was really pushing me to get it. I told him it would never happen & that if I really can't keep my child I would put my baby up for adoption. He disagreed with adoption & was still pushing for abortion back then. Anyways now I know that I am definitely keeping my baby. He is upset about it still but he was still by my side for a while but he hardly would talk to me or come over, until a few days ago I found out he has been cheating on me since I was pregnant. He admitted it & I have ended it with him & have told him he can see baby when he is born anytime he wants. The thing is I don't want my child to see him though. The father is the partying, show off type. He has an involvement with selling drugs but does not take them. & I just think he won't be a good father figure. Also when I was around 4 months pregnant he told me that I may have a virus called candida from him which my doctor confirmed I have got it now. He seemed happy because that might make me have to get an abortion or something. I guarantee that he will come & see the baby for a few months then he will slowly start disappearing. I want to take my child away & move to Australia where there are better opportunities for both of us in the future. But I know I am being so selfish if I take off with our baby. I am really stuck. After the birth should I take baby and leave?
Also I just don't want the father around because I know he won't visit the baby when he is older & he's just not the kind of person I want my baby around. I don't want child support from him or anything too. I work very hard for my money, while he sells drugs to get money.

[rasberryhoneysuckle]

I understand that this situation is very hard and now is a perfect time for somebody to be there for you.  When I was pregnant with my first child, his father, was worthless.  He was to busy having his own fun to worry about if I was alright or not.  He drank, did drugs, no job, begged his Mommy for money, so on and so forth.  We had been in a relationship for almost 5 years when I got pregnant and had been homeless off and on.  So, my thought was, now I have to step up!  I told him, I will never keep your son from you.  As a Father, you have rights too.  BUT, I found an apartment, I am renting it, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU!  We are having a baby and that baby is more important than you are or than I am right now, so make your decision.  I gave our son his last name, and tried to stay with him, even though I knew I had no love for him anymore and really don't want my child to turn out like his Father.  I finally ended our relationship one night, when my son was around 14 months old.  His father hit me and fell on top of our son, luckily he didn't hurt him.  After that he was barely around, so I offered him a chance to sign away his parental rights.  Later, he began to show interest again.  I tried to stay friendly, and had an agreement that we wouldn't ever get into a custody battle, but a couple years later, when I went to pick up my son at our meeting spot, a police officer served me a custody order.  I cried so hard, and was unable to see my son or even talk to him for almost a month!  I could hear him cry in the background when I tried to talk sense to his father but no good, all because neither one of us had custody of our son, the law couldn't do anything about it till we went to court.  I now have full custody of my son, have alot of unpaid attorney fees, his Father barely shows interest in him again.  He's 7 yrs old now.  Still waiting to hear from him for the past 2 weeks to find out if he plans to have him for Father's day, according to our custody order.
I suggest that you do not keep your child from knowing who their father is, but take the proper precautions.  Get full custody on your behalf documented in court immediately.  Allow some visitation rights with supervision and no overnights.  Ask that the Father comes clean on a UA before each visit.  If he wants to be a part of your child's life he will, if not, at least you tried so down the road when your child asks about their father, you know you did all you could.  Alot of younger men are worried about losing their whole future due to a baby.  He could just be terrified of the thought of what it may change.  You may find that even though he is not a part of your life, he may turn out to be a great father, and never knew he could.
If you want to move a great distance away, especially a foreign country, make sure that the proper papers and stipulations are filed in your child custody order, stating that you may move to a foreign country or different state.  However, in order to move to a foreign country, the biological father has to sign a paper in front of court, or specialized authority figure stating that he has okayed this.  You don't want t end up with an international custody battle.  Generally, the parent residing in the U.S. ends up with an advantage.
I know this, my Husband, whom is a great father-figure, and father to our own son together, is from Mexico, born and raised.  There is alot that goes into international travel with children, especially a permanent move.  I am only allowed to take my first son to Mexico to visit for a length NO LONGER than 2 months, according to court orders requested by his Father.  I can't though, because, I need his father to sign a paper for his passport to go.  I can't do it alone and my Husband can't sign for him either.
So good luck, hope this helps, PLEASE, do take the proper precautions to safe guard the future for both you and your baby, and save you alot of heart ache.  You can do this!  You have already proven the Mommy you can be, by showing your concern!  Smile, your worth it!

[miss_kiss]

not being funny but i reckon u and your baby will be better off, i left my daughters father when she was 5 months old and he was useless drugs/booze just a loser tbh and i wish id of done it sooner !!! now 3 and a half years on he still has nothing 2 do with her and ive managed 2 get her a lovely caring step dad!!! x

[AnnieBrooke]

One thing I'd add, your original title was "Should I stay so my child can meet his father" -- a baby isn't going to know anything about meeting his father.  Even if a small child knows his father, he won't remember him if the dad flakes out of his life before about age 4 or 5.  That reason, of all the reasons, is the last one I would let influence me in this decision.  If you mean "Should I stay until after the baby's born in case the dad changes his mind," that's a different question.  But why would you want a cheater, who is in a drug world, who has encouraged you to get an abortion, near your beloved child?  If you don't, take steps now.

[princess_smile]

If it was me I would give him a month after your child is born see if he adapt to being a father  cause some do change if he don't you have to do what's best for your kid and that would be to get away from the father and not put a child thru a life like that and if when your child grows up you can arrange for them to meet so your child will see you were protecting him your a good mother to be obviously u will make the right choice just don't stress I been thru this I stressed n lost ny baby at 5 months

[AnnieBrooke]

I would move to Australia and not put the dad's name on the birth certificate, either.  If he really gives a hoot, he will not let that stop him from keeping in touch.  It's not fair to subject the child to a not-gonna-give-a-damn dad, and to expose an innocent child to a drug lifestyle is almost criminal.  He gave up any right to your consideration the day he pressed you to have an abortion.  Forget him.  There are great men out there and probably a great future for you and your child.  Why tie a millstone around both of your necks by expecting this jerk to act like a dad?

[tinkerbell1124]

Well I was in a situation JUST like yours. Though I was 23 at the time. I had kick him out before I even found out I was PG. He tried EVERYTHING to get me to have an abortion too. Was mean, was nice, he tried all the ways he could think of. He was 22 and a partier. THOUGH he did work hard for his money too. BUT he also did dumb things on the side. He was around here and there during the pregnancy.  BUT he was there when he was born. Came running from work to be there. He was right next to me during the whole thing. Till he almost passed out! LOL Shortly after we decided to TRY and make things work. 6.5 years later we are STILL together. Now it was a LONG a rough road. We've been through ALOT together. And it DID take a LONG time for him to really GROW UP. And we still have issues, as any couple does. BUT in the end it WAS worth ALL the hard times we had and MAY still have. He's the LOVE of my life. Wouldn't change it for the world. Now I'm NOT saying stay with him just because you have a kid. You have to do what's best for YOU. BUT don't disregard him as a father either. You're VERY young and BOTH have alot of growing up to do. Take it day by day. See how he is when the child is born. And go from there. When I was pregnant, I NEVER thought I'd be with the father again. I had it in my mind I would be a single mother. Which I was ALWAYS OK with. People CAN change. People DO grow up. ( not always) But I think everyone deserves a chance at least.

[jessjane]

This is an extremely difficult situation- I am so sorry you are going through this.  Pregnancy is a difficult scarey experience and your hormones are all over the place and this stress on top of it is no good.  My advice is if you are plannibng to keep your child then you have to do what is best for the child.  Our job as mothers is to protect our child above all else.  If you feel the babies father will put your child in harms way or have your baby around drugs (illegal activities) then you need to protect that child.  A child is so precious and so innocent and they are what we make them to be.  A child is influenced by what they see and hear.  Having your baby's father cheat on you (to me) means he is a loser and you deserve better.  But if you feel uncomfortable with him being alone with the baby you need to voice your concerns to the police  or a child social service person.  Drugs is not a place or a situation you want you perfect little gift around and you need to step up- even if you are young and protect your baby.  It is not easy being a mom - there are many uncomfortable confrontations in your future.  So that is my advice- you are a mom now and your job is to protect that baby so get some help and talk to someone who will listen and want s to protect the  baby as well.  :)  best of luck to you. :)