my mans odd fetish/fantasy, where do i fit in?

[mekes]

i have been with my man 4 years about a year ao he revealed to me his secret fetish he likes transexuals and is arroused by gay men aswell i have tried to deal with it the best i can but its getting to me bad. everytime i go to use the internet i seee his web page history and its all about gay and transexual porn and trying to get in contact with a tranny near our home i know he gets off to this stuff on the net so what about me im all woman where do i fit in to his fetish and fantasy i dont see him ever looking at regular female porni dont feel hes attracted to me anymore i love this guy. hes even tried to discuss sex xhange with me for either one of us but i said noway im not into any of this at all i dont know what to do, any advice.

thankyou

[AnnieBrooke]

I agree with sailors, in that he is wanting to cheat on you, whether it be with a man, a woman, a transsexual ... Would you ever feel like "enough" for him if he is always looking?  Don't let the gay issue screen the question of exclusivity.  Some gay men are in permanent and monogamous relationships, so it's not like they can't do it.  He's just into swinging, and would be that way whether his tastes ran to men or to women, probably.  It doesn't sound like you should settle for that, given how you sound about what is important to you.

[Cletus_VanDamm]

I think you know what you need to do!

[mslkpage]

Oh, sorry. I realized you were asking "is he gay?" in your last post, and not stating it. Punctuation helps tremendously on here.

I suppose there could be some kind of compromise here, but I'm not sure. If monkeyflower checks in, maybe she can weigh in on this one.

[lucylocket2]

I'm sorry, but this post blows my mind. I couldn't imagine your situation. I feel sorry for you. My Mama always told me if you question it, he is. What has happened to this world? I live in a small town, so this is all new to me. From reading what you wrote I think he is gay. No man I know look's at that stuff. I always thought a man's fantasy was to be in the bed with two women. Not men. He's gay. I'm sorry to say. I know it will hurt you to read this, but you need to face the facts. You will find someone. I would divorce my husband in a heartbeat if I saw that on the pc. NO IF'S AND'S OR BUTT'S. It would hurt me if I saw naked women on the pc. But let's face it men will be men. They can't help it. Now, look at it this way. If he is looking at men. If his fantacy is of men, if he dreams of men, men, men, men,............... U R A WOMAN. WHAT CAN U DO FOR HIM????? That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you at all, your just not his type. Go find yourself a real man. I mean, your not getting anything out of this relatonship.Sex is a HUGE  part of a relationship!!! He is using you as a cover up. I'm so sorry to tell u this, but you asked. Dress up really sexy, feel like a hot woman, go out and find a manley man. u can do it!!! I hate to tell u ,but he might be having sex with you in person, but not in mind. Be safe!!! USE PROTECTION!!!! Get away from your situation ! It's not his fault or yours. You just can't give him what he want's. Lot's of love, and I will definatly be praying for you!!! Let us know how it goes.

[oceans3]

i dont think you stated you are married right? sooo, thats a good thing at this point. i do think its great that he has divulged all of this to you because this could have potentially been a HUGE secret on his part and a life FULL of lies.
so now what?
unfortunately this is only the beginning for him. he is going to "graduate" to bigger things if you know what i mean. he is experimenting and learning about the lifestyle right now. the next step, is you. he will experiment with you for a while, wearing your clothes etc.. and its only a matter of time before he seeks a trans out and is intimate with him or more.
you need to decide if you can handle a relationship with him and others.

[monkeyflower]

Actually, this is a pretty common fantasy; there's an enormous amount of transgender porn.

However, this isn't just fantasy. He's asked you if he can "live out the fantasy", and he's tried to get in touch with a local TS (for sex? for advice?). I think it's up to you to decide if this is okay with you, and whether you can live with this or not.

[mslkpage]

I think you know the answer here. Look at your last comment. He's gay and he's using you as a cover up. That's not fair to you. I know you've been with him for a long time, but it's time for you to think about you. I would make the break and move on. If you want to support him as a friend, that's entirely up to you.

[glad2bamom]

Ditto on the advice that WHO gave about the condoms...
Use condoms, practice VERY safe sex.
Run, run, run.
You're being used, girl.

[shygirl1981]

yea I'd show him the door as well. there are many more men out there, and there's one that will treat you right. and if they don't treat you right, then it's better to be alone.  you are putting yourself at risk. not to freak you out, but you just need to be careful with this guy.
yes, RUN RUN RUN!

[sherryroberson]

oh i'm so sorry! He won't change, it's not just a phase. Especially since he's said something about sex change. I dated this guy in high school for about 2 years and he turned out to be bi. Well i thought wow, what in the world, he hid it for 2 years, and just all of a sudden one day says, ya know what, i like men, i'm like what?? But to this day he still asks me when he can't "get with me". And he's serious! But i wouldn't do that anymore, diseases! Please do something about this, b/c he could give u something that won't scrub off!

[mami1323]

Listen, no straight man is interested in transexuals.  Sweetie he is gay!!  He may love you as a person but loving someone and being in love with them are two different things.  You have spent 4 years together so of course there are feelings there for him, but wanted to live out this fantasy shows where his head is at.  That's big head and little head.  I'm sure it hurts you but do you really want to stay with a man who is not fully committed mentally to you?  That has nothing to do with just him being into transexuals but the fact that you are not enough for him.  You need to be with a man who is about you and only you.  This is a situation that you do not need to be a part of.  As much as it hurts you need to let this one go before you waste more of your life being with him and then he winds up cheating on you or leaving you later because he realizes he wants to be with a man.  Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for yourself.

[mekes]

i forgot to say too that he has asked me if i would let him live out his fantasies i dont think i can is he really gay and just to scared to admit it and just using me as a cover up he seems to be sincere when he says he loves me. im so counfused