Can you please help me?

[patsyburrell]

My husband and I have been married over 20 years and we have a 18 year old daughter and 14 year old son.  My husband never give my daughter the time of day.  Her and I have always been so close.  It''s all different now, she never wants to be around me and it appears she hates the sight of me.  My husband has been going to her bedroom constantly laying on her bed and talking.  Then of course he says he fell asleep but this is now an everynight situation and now he wants her to go everywhere with him.  Their whole relationship is different.  Could he possibly be having sex with his own daughter?  What do you think is really going on?


This discussion is related to Sleeping in bed with mom.

[Stormie67]

At 18 a girl would already be involved with boys her age and less susceptible to whatever reasoning that has her father sleeping in her bed every night. So this has been happening since she was vulnerable enough to believe it if it is happening. Why would she hate her mother? Well two things. Either she's being lead to believe mommy is being hateful to her beloved father and a girl's first love is her father becomes twisted. She believes she can be a better wife than her mother. OR She hates her because she never SAVED her. She's in the same house night after night THINKING and doing nothing. Meanwhile this is HAPPENING to her daughter who is probably being told "see? She doesn't care about US. Daddy loves you so it's ok. She never busted in to stop him. She never opened the door to say hey babe come to bed. In her daughter's eyes she knew it was happening and did NOTHING. HIM? He is an animal. Put him under the jail. Personally he would be sporting a nice sized crack between his eyes from the Louisville the FIRST time he "Fell Asleep." Because I would check on him and tell him to come to bed or the three of us are sleeping on her bed.

[Risatoejamma]

I don't know why the camera thought didn't occur earlier. And how could you not be sure if something was going on without checking it out? Did you try listening by the door? Entering by surprise with an excuse to bring something or check on them? If you tried this was the door locked? It doesn't doesn't sound right. I would definitely be suspicious too, but could there be some other reason for this to be going on? A divorce was mentioned in here earlier, that maybe the kids are being sided. He should NOT be falling asleep in her room every night. How long has this been going on that you didn't check anything out? And how is your relationship with your husband that you think he might be a child molestor, and to your own children? I hope you checked this out as soon as possible and don't take any ******** excuses. Whatever's going on it doesn't sound good and it needs to be solved NOW. Or it did this thread was old. Hope everybody is safe.

[Meliss2012]

Go to eBay, buy an alarm clock that has a hidden camera.  They are 10 dollars from China and can stream video to your phone app.  

[Bradjani]

You know what is happening and you are allowing it by not confronting the issue the second your gut felt something was off. Frank discussions, doors open, and refuse to allow him in her room. If nothing going on, he should be fine with those conditions. If he argues, move and get help!

[deadsirius]

I wish I knew how this turned out. Are some men as terrible as a ton of people automatically assumed here or was it an innocent bonding time? I wouldve come in unsuspiciously and bring them like cocoa or something without any warning

[robina333]

Yes patsy i do think your husband is having some type of inappropriate relationship with your daughter  due to the fact you said yall use to be close now she dont want to look at you.  THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SISTER AND MY MOM .  MY ELDEST SISTER PULLED A 12 GAUGE SHOT GUN ON MY MOM. I WAS 7 YRS OLD .  I REMEMBER BECAUSE I WAS PLAYING JACKS IN THE LIVING ROOM AND MY MOM WAS IN THE KITCHEN.   SHE SAID I WAS CALLING HER WHILE I WAS PLAYING JACKS. I DONT REMEMBER CALLING HER . She said as she came from the kitchen to the living room she spotted my sister in the mirror on the wall holding the shot gun . I looked up saw my mom she had her finger over her mouth like shusss. So i was quiet.  Then i saw my sister the rifle was hidden down by her side.  I couldnt see it. AT THAT POINT MY MOM DUCKED INTO THE CLOSET THAT WAD UNDER THE STAIRS.  My sister didnt see her and proceded to the kitchen where she thought my mom was. MY MOM CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET BEHIND HER I COULD SEE THE GUN. MY MOM HIT HER SO HARD OVER THE TOP OF HER HEAD THAT I FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD CAME OUT SHE NEVER KNEW WHAT HIT HER.  YOU KNOW OLDER LADIES WORE THOSE SOLID WOOD PLATFORM SHOES.  So be careful. MY SISTER HAD A BABY FOR HIM HER OWN FATHER.  mom and her never really had a relationship after that.  They tried to keep my neice a secret my sister passed the child off as her husbands.  She was married ti her husband when she did this and she had already had my neice.  SHE HATED MOM.  IT WASNT THAT I THINK DAD POISENED HER AGAINST MOM. I THINK IT WAS MORE MOM WAS IN THE WAY WHO KNOWs JUST BECAREFUl.  My sister is gay now and so sad my niece passed a few years ago. I really loved her God be with you . I pray for you and your family. By the way my mom lived a full life passed at 81 .

[Maidensolo]

Isn't it amazing what these men can do to a family? Just so they can plant their thing someplace new. This urge must be uncontrollable for some men. My Mother was raped repeatedly by an uncle who was supposed to be "protecting" her from her drunken father.                                           She became such a damaged adult that she raised us girls in a way we could hardly bare to get through.                          Mom doted on my sister continually until her teen years. Then she accused her of being promiscuous even though she only dated one boy in high school.                     I was not allowed to leave the house at all except to attend school. I grew up alone with no friends,no going on no dates,and never having had a birthday party in my entire life. I only watched my sister's from peeking around the corner.                             I was put in classical piano lessons with a woman who trains only those who plan to have a performance career in Chopin. It kept me busy and I fell in love with it. I practiced 6 hours a day sometimes. At age 15 my teacher told my mom I was ready and my mom asked ready to do what? My teacher said go to New York to Contest to see how I place and start my professional career. My mom looked at this woman​ like she  was crazy and said that I took piano for pleasure. We both just fell to pieces.                            I left for college shortly after---never having made a decision for myself in my Life. I got married so I would not have to return home for summer break. I couldn't face the abuse. And there had been plenty​ of it. All her anger poured out on me.   In adulthood I made sure I got PLENTY of help so it stopped with me.I mean years of help. My sister did not. She is ridden with many type 2 personality disorders and is quite ill. It continued​ on to the neglect of her children and her murderous rage toward me. ----just part time of her disorders. I have to stay far away from her.            It's amazing, is it not?      

[Maidensolo]

I wish I knew how this story was playing out.

[Mickey225]

There is so little information and so many possibilities. This thread is 8 years old. On the surface from the information given this does not sound "normal" for the father to be with the daughter most all the time and not with the rest of the family. And behind a closed or locked door. I'm a 50's dad of a 6 year old daughter and have been in relationships with women that had kids. I'm a single dad due to our wonderful wife/mothers untimely death. I've been a good father or "father figure" to all of the kids from my two past relationships. I've seen and heard a lot of things in my time.

Does the daughter "hate" the mother for some reason? Is the daughter trying to destroy the family because the mother has been verbally or psychologically abusive to the daughter? Does the daughter have other psychological or drug problems? Is the mother paranoid/jealous and overstating the issue? Has the mother been controlling and mean?  The BIG question, are the father and daughter actually having/developing a sexual relationship? Children and teenagers can sometimes be devious also. Is the daughter trying to split the family up or make the mother jealous? If a divorce is looming and/or the parents relationship is bad, are both parents trying to coach the kids to take their side?


If someone else is in a similar situation I would suggest hiring a private detective to install cameras and investigate, if you can not do this yourself. Protect your children but don't falsely accuse the other parent. Why not just open the door and walk in, listen? It's hard to believe something of a sexual nature is going on right in the house and the mother not being able to know it. There may be much more going on in this family than what little information was given. If they are having a sexual relationship and since the daughter is 18 it might be difficult to do anything about it legally depending on state laws. Why do the mother and daughter have a poor relationship. Did that come first? It seems I mostly have a lot of questions that will never be answered. As I said from the start this does not seem "normal" as described by the mother.

[BenzZ2019]

1)IF something sexual is going on, then obviously, it didn't just suddenly start at the daughter's age of 18 but more likely sometime after onset of puberty where the female body is transitioning to Womanhood, where a man/possibly pedo-father, would begin to see her as more sexually appealing and therefore begin to develop and show  sudden interest in spending quality time with her where gradually The Grooming process will set in, (if he's in fact, a pedo father with a Sinister interest.2)This is a serious accusatory assumption being made here and therefore warrants and ABSOLUTE confirmation that a sexual and or inappropriate relationship Unbecoming of a father,is actually taking place, before irreparable damage occurs as a result of taking legal action without having all the facts. 3) There's nothing wrong with lying down with and spending time with one's daughter at any hour of the day or night if it happens occasionally but this father's behaviors and actions involving his daughter is indeed very questionable and eyebrow raising because NO father should be spending so much time with and sleeping over in bed with his teenage adult daughter ON THE REGULAR, during bedtime hours. That's about as red as a flag can get. If you're unsure what to do,then seek professional advice.

[ambermana]

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but coming from someone who was molested by her father it sounds very suspicious..may at least be the beginning of grooming her, making it feel like it's normal for him to sleep in there..My dad was very methodical about it..Installing a camera may not be a bad idea. At least talking to her in private would be a good idea.

[Bobbidylan]

OMG... He is definitely trying to do something inappropriate with your daughter, if he hasn't already!!!  If you ask me,a man  sleeping in the same bed as his teenage daughter is definitely a warning sign!!!  You need to act on this immediately  

[KateTX]

Dads don't ingore their kids then all of a sudden spend time with them and not alone and not in their beds! She's too old to be reading bed time stories to, why aren't you in there too, why are they alone and why not all together as a family on a regular basis.  Teenagers don't spend time with their dads alone in their bedroom by their own choice. Any change in behavior or your child is a warning sign that something isn't right. If your. It willing to immediately protect your child then you need to ensure they are not alone together. Your daughter does not want this attention from him!

[KateTX]

Immediately kick him out of the house, protect your daughter. Take your daughter and tell her you love her then ask what is going on. Then immediately call Cops/CPS. Your daughters safety is primary.

[Caylenncloud]

He definitely is. Please take care of that. Not healthy at all

[MingLingg]

Honestly before jumping to conclusion on a serious accusation like that I would ask yourself as a parent are you the problem. As young teens grow older they tend to grow apart from their mothers and cling to others. Do you see your daughter as competition ? How is your relationship with your spouse to where you feel you married a child molester. ? And lastly did you approach the situation with both parties present ? I suggest counseling.

[Sabella1S]

MingLingg has a point. My mother viewed me as competition from day one and tricked my dad into having two more kids she knew he had no interest in. She hated how close we were and resented when my dad finally showed my sister affection years later out of guilt for being such a **** to her.

My mom accused my dad of all sorts of ******** lies she made up about him and me because she thought our close relationship was nefarious. When he finally felt guilty enough for how my sister was treated she made the same ******** lies up about him and my sister.

I've always been super close to my dad, he knows everything about my life. It's not always what someone jumps to. Sometimes, there is a reason for a close bond between a father and daughter.

With me and my dad it was because I was the only child he wanted and the only child he planned for. And because I was abused viciously by my mother for that reason.

[wayneOFgotham]

Nanny cam in her room.

[Kymsmom07]

Please help this little girl. I hate to say it but most likely you are  right. I would put a camera in. If it is something like you suspect dont take matters into your own hands.  let the law handle it. She doesnt need her mom in jail. Have you confronted him?

[Rosemary3560]

Hi. I would install a camera. He's probably brainwashed her. It's easy when your that age to get confused. It's her father and she trusts him, she may think in some way it's ok, because he's telling her it is. Do trust your mother instinct it's what we have as mothers and usually is right. God bless you and I hope it's not happening.

[Nmaharajr0122]

The fact that she seems to hate the sight of you is because she feels you are doing nothing about it. She's trying to reach out for help here read the signs. Takes her everywhere she's helpless if you can't see it she feels she has to go and do what he says she's helpless. Trust me this happened to someone I know and these are the same things. She is being manipulated by this man who's supposed to be her protector. Stop it while can. It's wrong and not normal. No dad that has real love for their of age daughter doesn't give her space etc. He's obviously abusing her and she's afraid of him. Won't say anything coz his her own dad. Hates you coz you're not seeing it. Dear this is sick what your husband is doing. Worse since it is her biological father. Gosh I hate such men. Thank god we got rid of 1 from our family

[sara0330]

From my experience,  yes he is, and the reason why she seems to hate you is because she sees you as competition.  ..

[716hogan83]

So what's the results? I'd hide a camera... Wish.com has tons of hidden cameras u can plant in her room

[whenissomeday]

Hey, so I'm a girl, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would never have wanted my dad chilling in my room during bedtime at age 18. He would never have done anything to me, but I still wouldn't have wanted a parent hovering over me when I'm trying to sleep. That's weird.

Also, I dealt with molestation from relatives as a child, and this kind of shady lingering separate "quality time"  **** is suspicious as ****. That's exactly the kind of ploy predators use to separate guardians from their targets. This question is ancient, but if anyone came here with a similar situation on their mind: don't live with uncertainty and suspicion a minute longer. Get the facts right now, ask people what's up, see with your own eyes what's going on, and act accordingly. You are a PARENT before you are a WIFE. You have an obligation to your child. Your kid's safety is more important than your spouse's feelings.

[Unhoely]

guuuurl imma tell u somethin that "Husband" of yours is ******* your daughter im 100% sure

[Luv5]

This is not a "normal situation."   I would invest in a spy camera/nanny cam.  You can always ask your daughter and/or your husband but you will always have doubts.  

[prettydarnwitty]

Everything in this situation is a NO NO NO. I don't get some of you people!! Her and her daughter were close now she is WITHDRAWN. The father had no interest in her until he decided to have sex with her. If the father wanted to talk/bond with his daughter why does it have to be at night in her bedroom every night with him supposedly falling asleep. He should want to get in bed and touch his WIFE. The daughter is feeling guilt, shame, depression and confusion. I know this is an old question but to OP if you ever see this, I am soooo sorry you had to deal with this. I hope you and your daughter have been able to heal and that you have lost any emotional attachment to that narcissistic predator.

[Angelwings00]

Your daughter is hurt and mad at you for she feels you will not help her.
Feels you will not believe her. Shame! How are yiu going to handle the situation if yoyr husband, her father is molesting her?  She needs you.  He needs you.