a mom that has a son who feels the same way

[skeetelmore65]

I don't think our examples are exactly the same, but I can relate to your mom. We are only human, bound to make mistakes. I am not perfect by a long shot, but I love my kid(my son) so much and I try to make him happy, but I guess in a way that I  was and am too good to him.
I am sorry I didn't get ur name,and I wanted to at least address u by something. Well, I am afraid to go back and lose what I wrote so please forgive me for that. Anyway, it just seems more personable.
@ my son, he is 17 and was abused(sexually) by his stepmother. He told my husband and then told me and his grandpa and grandma. He was only 6 or close to seven when all of this happened. What is a mother to do but call the DHS and claim what her child had told her. There is a better way and now after going thru it, I see. I should have called a police officer to the house to investigate and would have had his word instead of mine. It just looked like I was being a vindictive parent striking back at my ex, but in no way would I ever have went back to him after what he done to me. He raped me and I left him that night. It is sad, but true. I wasn't being with him and that made him angry, but I couldn't help it..he appalled me by the way he was. He was already mad @ everytime that we'd split up that I would go out. I was young and had only dated him before we married. I never went steady with anyone or had more than one date with any other guy. My ex had a hold over me and I didn't see it,but my dad did. He even tried to run him off once and told me if I wanted to keep him away he would have. If it hadn't have happened with us marrying, I wouldn't have had my son, so I can't say that. In the first place,I was so young and such an innocent young girl that I even let my innocence get taken by him.He started working with me when I was only 16 and barely that. I should have told my mom and dad, but I was scared and liked it too. It is hard being a young person these days I bet.
Anyway, I stayed with the man for 8 yrs. of my life and the night we got married I went into our bathroom and cried and asked the Lord "what have I done?" I wasn't happy from the beginning, but tried to make it work since my grandma had told me tha since we had been together that really in God's eyes we were married. I want you to know that I am not trying to be out of the way bc I am a Christian and am just explaining my situation so you can tell me if I done wrong by my son..okay.
The night I left him, he wouldn't let it go and kept coming by the house or calling and I would refuse. My mom said that I should go back with him bc of God, but I told her that I'd rather live alone than to be with him.
Now, after some time passed and he moved...finally. I felt like our life we be great together, just my son and I ..just us "against the world." I took the agreement to where he'd only pay me $75.00 a wk. in CS, in which should have been a lot more, but I didn't care bc I had a good job and took care of us. We were so happy. We'd go fishing together and watch movies..laugh and had a good life. We always would talk together and just loved having each other. When his dad would come to pick him up and I will say that he made him wait a time or two and that hurt me to see him wait. At first, when he'd come and pick him up my son would run and hide so he wouldn't have to go. I have seen him cry and beg me not to make him go and that hurt me soooo much. I knew he needed to know his dad and spend time with him so I would get strong.
In the meantime, I remember the words my ex had told me and didn't really think that he'd do anything to hurt his own son. I had been threatened by him so I felt he would hurt me and yes I was scared of him. He told me that he had three things on his agenda that he was going to take care of: One, he was going to get himself a wife, two, he was going to get his son and three, he was going to make it where I didn't have any friends or anything to eat for that matter. He could be ruthless. He was always a posessive and phyisically abusive person,that would even watch me with Binoculars in School. He worked up the hill from it so he could see the class walking up the hill. Yes, I felt threatened by him. I feel that is what happened to my son too. My son told me on several occasions, when he was on visitation that he felt that they were the devil themselves. He would tell me that his dad would treat him like a drill sargeant( or however u spell it).
He has told me several things that just ain't right. One time he told me that she(the stepmother) took him and left him abanoned in a field and just drove off and left him bc he lied. I remember the times that he and his friends would laugh when they would think of things for him to do to them(mostly to her)when he have to go back.
I didn't tell you that after he told me he was abused and they came in and investigated and found it to be true. I found it to strange that it came back untrue on their side. I found out later that she was investigated by one of her School friends that was in that field. She also has an uncle that is a judge..county.The bad part is that after she was cleared from the Central registry,they filed for custody and not finding me to be unfit or unstable took my son and put him in an abusive home and that has made him bitter and aggressive. He also told me that his dad was telling him a story of me every wk. and he told me that his dad called me a 'W****'..how could he do this to his own son and turn him against his own mom..We haven't talked and he won't..he called me an idiot the last time I called. I can't even talk to him and he has turned him against me and I don't know what to do. It isn't fair to me who loves him so much and just wants him to be happy. I love him so much and he has a brother that he has just abandoned here too and he doesn't understand. I don't want him to hurt him too.Well, I don't think it is going to let me write anymore...the weather is bad and my comp. shuts down. U take care and always remember UR MOM will always love you no matter what..unconditionally...I do my son...U take care and always...GOD BLESS...


This discussion is related to Mom vs. Son in conflicting character.

[skeetelmore65]

Thanks so much for your comment..It is so hard to get thru a day sometime. I get so depressed, but if it weren't for The Lord I would have gone crazy by now. I thank God for my family too and people like u, who have a heart. It is very hard to find in people these days. It seems like everyone is out for themselves..I have a blog site that I just started then they changed to google something and it won't let me log in, but still trying to get it working. I have some comments on there. I did get to write a few posts and got at least two comments before it happened. I found another way to post there though. I started using the comment section..lol..yes I feel I got one over on them. I can at least reach out to my son that way. I told him @ me having a blog and I do call him all the time..well I suppose to only call him on Tue. and Thur., but since haven't been able to reach him and he won't talk to me I have called him just whenever. I can't give up on him. I am so worried @ him. I don't know what he is doing and by the way he is only 17. He is so young and has so many life lessons to learn. I just hope they are not too bad. I just want to be there for him and him feel he can come to me. He told me one time that I have not been there, but I have always been here. I know he is just being fed bad and corrupt things @ me to make him stay away. I am not a bad person...I am a Christian and I know that he is angry and rebellious right now so I think that is the most of it and I can't say the rest bc it concerns some people that he is being raised with if you know what I mean. It is so sad to think that someone could actually be so viscious(spelled wrong..I think), but it is so true. He just didn't have a chance and I couldn't get him home like he wanted. I couldn't bc of their connections(uncle a judge) and me being ill, but I know things will turn around. I have faith.
Go to my web blog and read some and I will check with you again. I want to see if you can pull it up. I would love to know if someone can access it or not too. I do want to thank you again for your support..it means a lot to me. Take care and always..GOD BLESS     http://skeetelmore65.blogspot.com/
Make sure to leave a comment...:)

[ANN953]

I am not a son or a mom, but I do have a mom. You are not a bad mom at all. Moms make decisions for the good of their children, no matter what it may be, even if sometimes it might be the wrong decision. You don't know until you try. Son's and daughter's sometimes may not understand that. You had no reason to beleive that your son's father or step mother was going to hurt your son. You thought if they were going to hurt someone it would be you. No one ever thinks their spouse or ex spouse would hurt their own children.  You took a chance on letting your son get to know his father and in my eyes and today's world I think that is wonderful because there is alot of mom divorcee's (spelling) out there that won't do that. My husband being one of them, it's a long and sad story, but long to short he does not have a relationship or even see his daughter because of his ex wife.  So I appluad you for that. I didn't see how old your son is, I am assuming around 20 years old..I know from experience it takes time.
Your son needs time. Keep in contact with him in one form or another, ie; send him a card once in a while....if he won't talk to you. Maybe suggest counseling for the both of you to him. If he doesn't want to go, maybe it would be something you could do or yourself.  It does help. Bottom line, you are not a bad mom. You were trying to do what was best for your son. I hope your son thinks about this and is able to open his mind and see his mom (you) were only trying to let him have a relationship with his dad.  Best wishes to you and I hope things gt better for you.