Our 5 year old son refuses to potty train. Tried everything..

[Ladywing]

My fiancee and I are somewhat relieved to now know that we are not the only parents having potty training issues.

Our 5 year old son just started potty training earlier this year. He was doing really well with going pee on the potty, but would not go poop. He was doing really well and as a reward, we let him pick out his own "Big Boy" underwear.
He was doing really well for awhile with going pee on the potty, but would still refuse to go poop on the potty and would go in his pull-up or even his big boy underwear. We have tried everything as far as rewards for going poop on the potty, but he still refuses. We know that he CAN go poop on the potty because we were actually able to get him to go maybe 2 or 3 times total on the potty, but now he refuses without reason other than "it's yucky".
Now, within the past 2-3 months, not only does he still refuse to go poop on the potty, but he has also regressed as far as going pee on the potty. He will go in and go pee first thing in the morning when he gets dressed, but after he has pooped in his pants, he refuses to go pee on the potty.
Needless to say, this has become very frustrating and stressful for my fiancee and myself. We have spoken with his pediatrician about this issue as well as a few others and heinformed us that our son may have what's called Pervasive Developmental Disorder and that could explain alot of his behavior.
We are currently on a waiting list to have him diagnosed for this disorder, but we are at our wits-end on how to get him to use the potty.
Does anyone have any useful tips or suggestions that maybe we haven't tried that might help?


This discussion is related to 4 1/2 year old with potty training issues.

[jazzy_mama]

First of all, spanking on the buttocks with your hand only above clothing is not child abuse. Called DFCS. They will tell you the legality on that. "Tough Love" implies that some children, not all, need a firmer hand in the situation--restriction from tv, computers, toys, etc. or a reward system does not work for every child & some children are tougher and stronger willed to defy you. Thats just their nature, but you may notice you are the same way, b/c obviously they got it from you :) But here's the deal--I got my butt spanked on routine as a child, never any marks left longer than a day, and never when my parents were angry, but I deserved it and I learned "this action equals this consequence"...and my point is NO ONE could love their parents more than me, nor be a better person functioning well in society. It did not damage my self esteem or make me violent. 2nd point to make is, this should only be considered after the consequence has been communicated with the child & after all other options have been exhausted & your child has been seen by a child therapists and/or psychologist to rule out any possible medical condition. The fact could be that the condition persay is infact behavioral and you have been way too light on your child from the beginning. Kids do need love and affection and fun times, but the bottom line is that so many parents I see give their child everything they want and baby the mess out of them when what they really need to do is toughen up and do whats best for the child--so that your child can turn out to be a compassionate, responsible adult who knows there will always be a repercussion to their choices. I have over 20 years working with toddlers, and school age children, a bachelors degree in early childhood education and 3 children of my own. Open your eyes people.

[jazzy_mama]

First of all, spanking on the buttocks with your hand only above clothing is not child abuse. Called DFCS. They will tell you the legality on that. "Tough Love" implies that some children, not all, need a firmer hand in the situation--restriction from tv, computers, toys, etc. or a reward system does not work for every child & some children are tougher and stronger willed to defy you. Thats just their nature, but you may notice you are the same way, b/c obviously they got it from you :) But here's the deal--I got my butt spanked on routine as a child, never any marks left longer than a day, and never when my parents were angry, but I deserved it and I learned "this action equals this consequence"...and my point is NO ONE could love their parents more than me, nor be a better person functioning well in society. It did not damage my self esteem or make me violent. 2nd point to make is, this should only be considered after the consequence has been communicated with the child & after all other options have been exhausted & your child has been seen by a child therapists and/or psychologist to rule out any possible medical condition. The fact could be that the condition persay is infact behavioral and you have been way too light on your child from the beginning. Kids do need love and affection and fun times, but the bottom line is that so many parents I see give their child everything they want and baby the mess out of them when what they really need to do is toughen up and do whats best for the child--so that your child can turn out to be a compassionate, responsible adult who knows there will always be a repercussion to their choices. I have over 20 years working with toddlers, and school age children, a bachelors degree in early childhood education and 3 children of my own. Open your eyes people.

[AngelsHeart]

Why would you want to hit a child because YOU feel he knows what he is doing? Did you ever think that there may be an underlying medical problem that you're obviously not aware of. Hitting a child at any age because they had an accident is NOT "tough love" its called child abuse. May be when you're old and poop your pants, maybe your kids should hit you for it, after all "you know exactly what you are doing"

[elmo607]

i had to train to boys my son and a kid i babysit for. my son was full train by 2 it wasnt easy. we got the pee down easy. the poop is what we had trouble with.at first we would sit in the bathroom and watch him tell him we seen it coming out and it worked but not as much.so we thought of something else. he loved watching the ninja turtles. we taught him that they lived in the sewers and that is where u wste goes when ur done pottying. the turtles needed to eat also and everytime he would go potty he would feed the turtles but the turtles couldnt live on drinking alone(pee) they needed food(poop) so we worked on this for awhile and it started working.sometimes we would have to use both ideas together but after awhile it was all a go. i used the same trick on my babysitting child and he started using the potty and by the time he was 3 he was fully trained. im not saying it works for every child but its an idea to help. i also found out that if u make a habit of every 15-30 minutes put them on the potty and they will start getting the hint that the potty is where u go.

[iainsgmommy]

My grandson will be 4 years on in April 2011 and finally started peeing in the potty around 21/2 but, refuses to poopy in the potty. I have bought him his favorite sponge bob toliet seat and portable toliet that makes flushing sounds, I reward him with a sticker or some type of treat when he once in a blue moon will poop in the potty. Nothing works, all he ever says is he is scared but, he can never tell me what he is scared of. He wakes up dry and has a fit if he pees on himself but, will hold his poop for days if he has to. He will pee in the pottty and when I ask him to sit up there just in case he needs to poop he will cry and say he doesnt need to then he will go hide somewhere and poop on himself. Both of my kids were completely potty trained before 18 months and this is aggrivating, expensive and how does he get ready to go to pre-school or kindergarten. Please, I know patience is a virtue but, I need help.

[Jess_01]

What is smacking the child achieving? You may think a 5 year old not potty trained rediculous, but to the parents that are living it, obviously it is an issue. Have some sympathy for these parents at least, they are not asking their child not to be potty trained :(

[mama_d]

There's nothing wrong with tough love and a pop on the butt. Five years old and not potty trained is ridiculous. He knows exactly what he's doing

[mommy_jacob]

Well I feel your pain its hard isn't it. My son is 5 too and he still refuses to go poop. I try to sit him on the toliet when he just starts one, but won't finish it. He'll go pee with minimal problems u just have to remind him. With number 2 nothing at all. I'm so sorry what you are going through.