8 year old help!!

[mzmandyrae85]

I am 23 years old, and beyond my years, i have no children. I have been with this man for a year, and we will soon be getting married. He has two girls that is 13 and 8 two different mothers. the oldest was raised well in my opinion she wasnt spoiled and has a good christian home life, her and i get along very well... now the 8 year old is horrible she reminds me of me when i was a child a little bit, except in my home growing up, i had to have respect for my elders, even if i didnt like, in which i know it has helped me very much growing up in life. this child argues with everything that is said with every decision that is made, she is a picky eater, everything has to made just the way she wants, she is the child that nobody wants at there birthday partys cause she doesnt get any presents, i know she is only here on very few weekdays and on weekends, but i feel like everything is in an uproar when she is here, honestly i dont even feel the same way for my fiance when she is here... i feel like a horrible person cause i cant stand it when she is here, cause it boils down to she gets her way just because we are so tired of the argue, i know my fiance knows their is a prob. but he doesnt know what to do, he acts all goofy when she is here like he would just rather be the cool dad..... any type of advice would be great. i dont have any children and i just need something to keep my sanity. i wouldnt trade my fiance for anything, i am willing to do whatever it takes to maybe piece this together, i have taken parenting class's to try to make this work, i am just at a loss of what to do....


This discussion is related to Soon to be the evil step-mother.

[aid821]

Firstly, if you love this man and want to marry him and you know for sure, that's your decision, regardless of how many wives he's had or how old he is!

Does the 8yo come to your house, his house? If it's your house = your rules full stop. Just like you said, she reminds you of you at that age, but you had to respect your parents and that's exactly how it should be.

If it's your partners house, then he should be given the respect he deserves. I understand she may be hurting from the break-up between your partner and her mother but that's no excuse for that behaviour. Children from a very early age, work out what they can get away with and what they can't and it's up to us to set the boundaries.

I believe you need to sit down with your partner and come up with some house rules she needs to follow, i think it's also important to explain to your partner that he needs to be a little more assertive with her. It may end up yelling and screaming with her for a while but in the end hopefully, she will start to understand. All the best!

[RockRose]

Two thoughts,  mzmandy.

You are too young to be with a man who is as old as he must be.    He's immature,  to pick a 23 year old as his third wife.  There is virtually no chance your relationship will work out - he's already got two strikes,  and he's picking a woman who can't stand to be around his child.

If you insist on marrying him despite all this reality,  and you are TRULY willing to do whatever it takes,  welcome this child and stop fighting it.  She is who she is,  it's not like she's a knife murderer,  she's one of those girls who has to be the center all the time and is uncomfortable if she doesn't have control.  You can either agree to accept that cheerfully,  or fight it,  either way,  it won't change anything at all.  Well actually if you accept her cheerfully you stand about a 5 percent chance of succeeding in your marriage.  Which is some odds,  after all.

What does your family think about this?  Are they happy you are marrying this old guy with two previous failed marriages and two daughters?