So today is day two, of me taking 1 mg of Abilify.  I can already tell, just like day one that 1 mg does not seem to be as effective in deterring my irritability and agitation.  It's better, but not where I know I could be/have been; so that is frustration in itself.  Secondly, I forgot to "stock up" on my Adderall, for when I do 3 shifts at work, so I could only take the Abilify Friday morning.  I definitely noticed an increase in my appetite all through the morning and into the afternoon.  It was terrible that I didn't even bother weighing myself today.  I did remember to refill my stock today though, it's just a hassle since it's a narcotic; I need to be more careful with it.

I am tired and my back pain seems to be magnified by it.  I know I will love my pay check when I get it; however, all these extra OT hours are getting to me.

It's been about a week, since I wrote.  Last Friday I was finally weaned off the Abilify, and yesterday I was able to see my Psychiatrist earlier than scheduled.  We talked, and it was actually a good talk, but he did put me back on Abilify.  It was my choice though.  He mentioned that my body might just hold onto the medication a little longer than most, and that I appear to be backwards from most people.  Well, I could have told him that!  I am now at 1 mg of Abilify.  Meaning, I have to cut those tiny 2 mg pills in half.  It's a hassle, but I plan on doing a bunch at once, so I don't have to worry about it everyday.  There was also talk about putting me on an anti-depressant, depending on if the 1 mg does the trick.  He even mentioned about genetic testing for me, but it seemed like a far off possibility.

The main reason I like Abilify is because it seems to work well with the Adderall, and it really does cut down on my agitation.  However, since Abilify is an anti-psychotic medication, it shouldn't have made me manic... BUT then again if I am wired backwards like my Psychiatrist said I might be, it could explain it.  Either way I am hoping to stay on the Abilify, and then I am hoping to find a medication that can make my moods a little more stable (not so up and down during the day).

Feel like I've already explained this so many times.  Maybe I'm just a narcissist right now, and want to talk about myself.  Either way, I figured I need to write it in my own journal about what went on today.  I suffered from brain fog, memory loss, decreased appetite, disorganized and repetitive thoughts and speech, hand tremors, slurred speech, confusion, etc.  All day I was up and down.  Still probably more up than down, but enough is enough.

Calling my Psychiatrist's co-worker tomorrow.  Lets hope he's available.  I need to know what to do.  I can't take this.

I have to leave for work soon, since it takes about an hour to get there... bah!  Will update more tonight.

I am back to feel okay/good, after sleeping 17 hours (12 PM Wednesday to 7 AM Thursday). I've started noticing a tread.  Right after I see my therapist I am in a more depressed mood than when I first arrived there.  I am pretty sure it is due to us rehashing old scars.

Took 30 mg of Adderall at 7:15 AM (forgot my Abilify).  Took 30 mg of Adderall and 2 mg of Abilify.  As my Psychiatrist's co-worker was able to get a hold of me yesterday and told me I need to wean myself off the drug, yet if I went off it completely I could spirl more out of control.  Noted.  So I am back down to 2 mg, until when?  I'm not sure.  I think until I see my Psychiatrist next, which is in two weeks, or if I can get in sooner with a cancellation.  Either way, I feel more "jittery" in a way after I took the Abilify, and that my brain is definitely moving at a fast rate right now than my hands can type.  I was in an okay mood this morning, after the Abilify I feel good.  It scares me, but I am hoping that maybe 2 mg will be an okay dose?  I really need something to curb my aggression, and this medication seems to help.  I am hoping that today is still just a side effect from taking 4 mg,  Guess I'll have to wait and see, like everything else to come.

Please be well.  Take care.

ʚ- HoﮧeyNﮟt