Behavior in 12 year old girl

[concernedmom2010]

My child is 12 years old. She had outburst of anger and very argumentive. If everything is going her way she is the best child. As soon as something is not her way or she is told no, the behavior issure start. Example: We went to the auarium in Chattanooga. On the ride down she was good. While we were at the aquarium she was fine. As soon as we got back to the hotel she starts with attitude and a bad mouth. I ask her to do something and she says NO. or I will in a aminute. if I make her do it she stomps screams.

I also have a 14 yer old girl. I never seen this behavior from her. The bahavior from my other child is really taking a toll on everyone in the house. The yelling screaming and fighting constantly. I have tried time outs, taking things away, aznd even spanking. Nothing seems to work. Please help me. I need some guidence on what my first step will be to help my daughter.

[Sandman2]

   Interesting.  Very, very similar question to the one by Bigmeesh.  Hopefully, its nice to know that you are not the only one going through this.  And we have helped many people with similar circumstances.  It would be helpful if you could do the same things I asked Bigmeesh to do.  That is - and I quote -
     "Do me a favor and start a new post.  Give a little bit more info on your daughter.  Is she on meds?  Is the school helping her at all?  Are you in the US?   Is anybody helping you?   I have a lot of resources that can help you help her (and thus yourself).  Please get back to us."

[poohbear25]

MY 7 YR SHE ADHD SHE'S A HAND FULL IF SHE DON'T HAVE IT HER WAY ITS NO WAY @ ALL AND SOME TIMES ITS REALLY HEARD TO DEAL WITH HER THE OUTBURST AND CRYING OMG I JUST DNT KNW WHT TO DO @ TIMES.....

[Sandman2]

   There really is a lot that you can do.  And the fact that you hated what you felt you had to do is a pretty good sign that it was an act of desperation.
   Do me a favor and start a new post.  Give a little bit more info on your daughter.  Is she on meds?  Is the school helping her at all?  Are you in the US?   Is anybody helping you?   I have a lot of resources that can help you help her (and thus yourself).  Please get back to us.

[BIGMEESH]

I HAVE A 12 YR OLD GIRL WITH ADHD .CONSTANTLY LIES BE HARD HEADED. TODAY SHE WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF ORDER .CORPORATE PUNISHMENT I DID .I HATED IT AND FELT BAD .WGAT CAN I POSSIBLY DO .

[compnet]

I'd look to see if it's a matter of her not understanding the orders given or hating routines taken out of order.  I have ADHD, and structure is very important for me.  I've been much more obediant to people that show a lot of love, and when I'm out of place, have been very firm and shown anger/disapproval, and always followed through with a serious personal talk about what happened and punishment.  And asking if I didn't understand anything.  Also trying to make sure she doesn't get spoiled or prideful, and knows to do as she is told from adults/superiors.  I think as kids get older, they just keep on testing parents, and just much worse with an LD.

You could try a councellor if nothing seems to work.  

[allmymarbles]

Your girl is having a difficult puberty. Some sail through it easily; some have a hard time. Be patient. It will end eventually.

[Sandman2]

I think you will get a better response by posting in the "Child Behavior"  forum.  But a few ideas.
  I would see if her school has noticed any of the same issues.  If they have not - or they did, but have been corrected - then its safe to say the issue is a home parenting issue.  If the school is also having the same problems, then it gets a lot more involved.
  So assuming it happens at home mainly (only?).  The trypical response is that behavior is learned and she has learned that this behavior get her the results she desires.  So, the trick is to change the behavior by showing her other ways to get what she wants, by ignoring the behavior in mild cases, and in extreme cases - going immediately to timeouts.  The timeouts don't have to be long.  But they must last until she has calmed down enough to talk or listen.  If she errupts again, its back to the timeout.  The most important part is to be consistent, consistent, consistent.  Everytime you change the punishment, she wins.  It will not happen overnight.  It may take as long as 3 weeks, before you began to notice a difference.
  You can get more detail and other ideas in the book, "SOS Help for Parents" by Lynn Clark.  Hope this helps.