HELP!!! im loosing my sanity!

[Destiny1977]

I am a single mother of 2 daughters, my oldest is 17 and my youngest is 8,I am having a problem with my 8yr old stealing expensive items and lying about it. I have gotten calls from other parents  of children at the same school , the one time it was that child went home from school with a ruby and diamond ring (belonged to my 17yr old) the parent made the child call to tell me because they knew it was awfully expensive to be given away.... that was last year (2nd grade) now shes in 3rd grade, I keep hoping she will grow out of this, but today  have gotten to the end of my rope, Im willing to try anything to get her to stop! she has taken more jewlery and she says she doesnt know what happened to it! so now a diamond wedding band is missing. I cant take much more of this, my teenager is always mad because her lil sis keeps taking her stuff, she had to buy a locking cabinet,  I have to search her EVERY MORNING BEFORE SCHOOL, I SEARCH HER BAG, HER ROOM, HER POCKETS AN SHES ONLY 8! shes on meds but i dont think it helps at home at all!! please someone help

[Sandman2]

   You are right in that the meds are not working at home.  Depending on the med - what is she on by the way? - they usually take 20 to 60 min to kick in.  Thus, they are not going to be working in the morning.    If she is also having a problem at school, it may be that the medication is not strong enough for her.  Doctors always start out at the lowest dose and then increase it based on how the parents tell them it is going.  So it probably would be a very good idea to talk to your doctor!
   You are just going to have to closely monitor her in the morning.  Don't leave flashy things out.  This is something that she should gain more control over as she gets older.  A lot, or most, of this is due to the impulsiveness of ADHD which she really doesn't yet have control over.  So you just have to make sure that the opportunities are not there for her - just as you would not let her play by a busy street.
    Is the stealing the only thing that is bothering you?

[kirk8]

I don't think the stealing has anything to do with ADHD.  But I agree with Sandman that it would be a good idea to discuss this with her doctor.

Personally, I would just discipline her very harshly whenever she steals anything.  You didn't say that you punished her at all.  She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.

[allmymarbles]

I, too, question whether the stealing is related to ADHD. In any case, bad behavior, for any reason, has to be treated as such.

[Sandman2]

   Yes, stealing is a part of ADHD for some kids. It is related to the impulsiveness.
    "Lying, cursing, stealing, and blaming others become frequent components of ADHD; especially as the child gets older. According to some particularly depressing data by Russell Barkley, here is how ADHD children compare to typical children:"

     Symptom                                 ADHD Children (%)    Typical Children(%)
     Stealing (not involving threats)         50                                         7
      Lies                                                 49                                          5
      Blames others for own mistakes    66                                         17"
     [Barkley RA, Fischer M, et al. The Adolescent outcome: An 8-year prospective follow up. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 29, 546-557.]

      One indication of it being related to ADHD and the meds, would be if the stealing lesses when the meds should be working - like at school in the mornings.

[kirk8]

Thank you, those are interesting numbers.  Great logic too.  

Personally, (as someone with ADD) I'd hate to be judged by those statistics but I feel that you are correct.  

In retrospect, perhaps I did blame others for some of my personal failures when I was younger.

[Sandman2]

   Man, if I was a little kid and getting in trouble all the time and a lot of the time I had no memory or idea of what I had just done - or even worse, no idea why I did what I just had done ...... I certainly would be blaming other people,  an lying to cover my arse too.