Though maintaining well above average grades, before my senior year of high school I was prescribed a daily dose of Adderall Extended Release (XR) and Adderall Instant Release (IR). From an early age I was identified as gifted, but I sought the prescription because concentration was getting in the way of performance as classes became more involved and I felt as though I suffered certain social problems associated with ADHD.
I got into the habit of taking the extended release every school day and most days that I did not have school. I have been taking the instant release infrequently, but still have the prescription. For the first two years, aside from mild side effects (difficulty falling asleep, excessive sweating, bowel problems), I enjoyed very positive results. My grades improved to straight As, social troubles remained, but overall I was in a very good place. I was recruited to play a sport at a highly rated university where I am currently enrolled and play on the varsity team.
I have since my teens been a casual smoker of marijuana, but I started abusing the drug last year. Since January 1st of last year there have only been a handful of days I have not gotten high.
For the past two months I have been waking up (usually around 6:30 AM), eating breakfast, drinking coffee (a lot), and taking Adderall XR every morning. After breakfast I binge on studying and typically finish my day around 7:00 PM, after I work out (sometimes taking Adderall IR in the evening). Afterward I come home and relax by getting high.
This past month I have become very concerned about my mental health. I have felt severe depression, have reoccurring suicidal thoughts (never anything serious, but enough to mention), suffered bouts of insomnia, have persistent incoherent one-sided dialogue in my head when I try to sleep, and have withdrawn from any social life that I had. I noticed I have developed a slight stutter when I begin to talk. I feel like my life is a movie that I am watching and feel detached from any emotion whatsoever. Over the past two weeks I have seen a bizarre looking man three times, and have questioned whether or not he is a hallucination. I guess he has to be real, but I mention it to show how unsure of my mental state I am. I plan on stopping the drug use (Adderall and marijuana) as soon as my work load lightens up.
What I think is producing these effects are the highs and lows I experience in a given day. I am either hyper-active on amphetamines or completely relaxed on marijuana. I know that marijuana, adderall and caffeine can have effects on the same neurotransmitters so I think my problems stem from the high volatility of chemical balances in my brain.
As I type this, I realize how completely insane I sound and how sincerely scared I am. I would really appreciate hearing from other users of Adderall and marijuana to hear if anyone has suffered similar side effects. I would also really appreciate a serious tone to the nature of comments. I cannot stress enough how serious this post is meant to be. The only reason I have not contacted my doctor is for fear he will tell my already over-stressed parents who worry too much about me.