my son

[monsters]

Hi I'm not sure if my son has ADD, he's 8yrs old and will wip phoo over the bathroom walls, he can be very aggressive, controling and can be very nasty 2his little brother and sister please could someone give me any advice... He doesn't seem to understand the things he does... Please help...

[monsters]

After taking the kids to school it will be book shopping as they love reading in our one to one times... Thank you so much for you advice, :) xXx

[Sandman2]

    Part of your daughters problem is age.  As we get older, we do learn more control as your son is now doing.  There are some books aimed at the younger (4-7) child which are meant to be read aloud.  Books I suggested in the post on the other site are aimed at a slightly older child.
   The books I am thinking of have titles like,  "Cool Down and Work Through Anger," or  " When I Feel Angry".  If you go here  you can find the "cool down" book and then if you scroll down further you will find other ideas.
    http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5
    While these books don't get at what is causing the anger, they do give them ways to deal with it.  And they are fun to read together!

[monsters]

Hi I've just read the posts and this is exactly  like my two children... We have read a few anger books an my son is sort of learning to controll his anger at school as he can go in a quite space and have a time out, and then will be fine like nothing happened in the first place, it proves hard at home with his little sister as she is exactly the same yet worse.. they tend to clash and don't get on at all, my daughter will be like this at home and at school.. my son will only be aggressive toward children younger than him where my daughter will be aggressive and nasty to her younger brother, big brother/sister and people she doesn't know in the street just for looking at her...

[allmymarbles]

You might find that if you eliminate sugars the children may be less hyper. Sugar is hidden in so many items that you have to examine ingredients like a hawk to find out what you are actually buying. And some products, like bottled or canned fruit juices, that appear healthy, are actually not because they are very high in sugar, and no match for fresh fruit.

[monsters]

Thank you ill have a look now... I tryed looking up some stuff on the net but could seen to find the right thing... XXx

[Sandman2]

   Its possible that your son has Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ODD.  You might want to read my post to livingbyprayer.  Its the last post on the page (when I wrote this) and has several ideas you might find helpful.
     http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/can-someone-help/show/1704964

[monsters]

I appreciate  everyone's views, I've got four children, my daughter with ADHD, and not sure with my son, my youngest will attempted to copy his brother and sister but onces he's in time out and we speak to him he's ok again my oldest is 12 she's a lovely girl but gets very stressed with her brother and mainly her sister as they will steal, destroy her stuff and can be very aggressive.
   I'm not sure if it does run in our family as my nephew has Autism.
My daughter has got an appointment at a place called cams as she sharpened her little finger in school, this has really worried as if she did it again it could be even worse....
  My son used to pinch himself as he got very frustrated with his school work, we have controlled this now as wen he gets stuck he can leave what he's doing and go back to it when he has calmed down, he can still be very aggressive  towards other in school and has trouble making friend this can be very stressful for my son as he has always felt different in himself but doesn't understand why, we will talk to him explain  he isn't different but he doesn't take anything in, he learned to write properly wen he was 7 and still struggles with a lot of his work... In the 1st part of the kids assessment I had a woman round our home as she wanted to see the kids in there home environment, we tryed new routines but nothing worked, they asked me to give parent classes ago but these where pointless as we were already doing the things they suggested... I've been told I'm doing I can for my children, but still find it frustrating as I wish I could do more... XXx

[monsters]

I appreciate  everyone's views, I've got four children, my daughter with ADHD, and not sure with my son, my youngest will attempted to copy his brother and sister but onces he's in time out and we speak to him he's ok again my oldest is 12 she's a lovely girl but gets very stressed with her brother and mainly her sister as they will steal, destroy her stuff and can be very aggressive.
   I'm not sure if it does run in our family as my nephew has Autism.
My daughter has got an appointment at a place called cams as she sharpened her little finger in school, this has really worried as if she did it again it could be even worse....
  My son used to pinch himself as he got very frustrated with his school work, we have controlled this now as wen he gets stuck he can leave what he's doing and go back to it when he has calmed down, he can still be very aggressive  towards other in school and has trouble making friend this can be very stressful for my son as he has always felt different in himself but doesn't understand why, we will talk to him explain  he isn't different but he doesn't take anything in, he learned to write properly wen he was 7 and still struggles with a lot of his work... In the 1st part of the kids assessment I had a woman round our home as she wanted to see the kids in there home environment, we tryed new routines but nothing worked, they asked me to give parent classes ago but these where pointless as we were already doing the things they suggested... I've been told I'm doing I can for my children, but still find it frustrating as I wish I could do more... XXx

[allmymarbles]

Apology accepted. We probably understand each other better now.

[specialmom]

okay, sorry.

[allmymarbles]

Your son is not the subject of this thread. Nor are his physical disabilities in any way related to my comments which had to do with behavior.

[specialmom]

anyway, I will say that I do agree that if my child just daydreamed or lacked a bit of focus, I'd not view that as uncommon.  But most people that have concerns see a great deal more than that.  What I tell others is that everyone has quirks and ideosyncrasies unique to them.  When something becomes questionable as to whether or not it is a disorder is based on how the 'issue' affects their functioning.  I fought the discussion of what was going on with my child and tried to write it off as a non issue until I spent time observing him at school.  My boy indeed struggled and was sad.  The day I looked into his eyes and saw that is the day I sprang to action.  To heck with my ego and all those who judge me, I wanted to help my child never have that look in his eye again.  I have worked tirelessly to help him.  And the way my boy "feels" now has made everything worthwhile.

so, I guess with the experience I've been through, it does feel personal when the idea of a diagnosis of some sort is criticized.  

I've never put my son on medication of any sort.  I've had occupational therapists show me how to calm his nervous system through activity.  I've had OT's help him uncurl his hands so he can hold a pencil. Oh, I tried.  But I don't have all the tools and tricks that they do . . .  and I'm pretty educated and well off.  Still, that is not my area of expertise, so a professional helping him with fine motor skills was very valuable.  I never knew about all of the calming tenchniques that can help a child that can't regulate themselves without great difficulty.  I had a speech therapist help me with eating issues --------  not being picky but that he has motor planning issues and can't chew and swallow properly and would choke, literally, on his food.  We had to teach him to chew.  

So, the way these 'problems' impacts a child should be the deciding factor for when to ask for help.  And the assumption that that help is always medication is wrong.  

I don't disagree that at times the circumstances at home can cause behavioral issues and don't think all kids need to be diagnosed just because the parent wonders about something.  but one size fits all does not apply to kids when looking for answers.  And honestly, my son has done so well with the intervention that we provided that I'd hate for any child to miss out on that.  

anyway, that is how I feel about it.

[specialmom]

My son is oh so lucky you weren't his parent.  But that is just my opinion and not an insult.  

[allmymarbles]

We have different views. That mine does not agree with yours is a right, not an insult. Did you know that many doctors stand in my corner? Others stand in yours, I choose those in my corner.

Would I ever seek the help of an expert. Yes, of course, if my child had  a demonstrable disability, such as seizures, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, or something of that nature, but not for something as vague as "lacks focus," one of the most frequent "problems." I guess that means daydreaming.

[specialmom]

Adhd, add, sensory integration disorder and autism all run in families.  

  I really feel insulted on a regular basis with the accusations that people are either misreading that their child needs help or the issue is home life.

Depression also runs in families as do anxiety disorders.   There is a genetic predisposition  and you are at a higher risk of developing these issues if a parent suffers from them.  Or the grandparent . . .

[allmymarbles]

That is questionable. The "running in families" might well have to do with environmental factors, or with a family's response to problem behavior. Some parents place more reliance on outside experts, while others try to solve the problems themselves. All of Mia Farrow's children (and she had many) were seeing psychiatrists. I rest my case.

[specialmom]

Actually allmymarbles that is wrong.  Statistically, many of these issues run in families.  

[allmymarbles]

It is unusual to have problems with two out of three (I presume three) children. That being the case, I would first examine dietary and environmental issues. Sometimes a child's behavior has a complex cause that involves more than his or herself.

[specialmom]

Reading this post and your others, I do think a developmental pediatric physician would be good to go over things with.  With the issues surrounding speech, fine motor and behavior along with the learning issues, I think it would be helpful to dig deeper into the situation.  

[Sandman2]

      Ya, it does sound like your son may be looking for more attention.  Which makes sense as the two younger ones must keep you pretty busy.  You might want to check out the book,  "love and Logic" by Fay and Cline to help you work with him.   Best wishes.

[monsters]

I have had a look at the information you gave me and I'd definitely say my daughter has ADHD but I wouldn't say my son has this he is completely different :) thank you for all your help :) xXx

[monsters]

Thank you for your advice I will definitely take a look :) xXx

[Sandman2]

   Specialmom is right in that there is a lot that you can demand your schools to do.  In  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley, she has a full section (chapter 4) on what schools can do and how you can access those services.  And since you think that both kids might have ADHD, its probably worth you getting the book (its only about $10 through Amazon) since it will really help you help them.
    You also might want to check out this site for symptoms.
          http://www.rxlist.com/attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_adhd/article.htm#tocb
      How you work with your son does to some extent depend if he has ADHD or not.  A child with ADHD does have less control over his actions and consequently changing their behavior is more difficult.  So its important to figure that out.  
      You did mention he has a controlling behavior.  I take it he has two younger siblings?  If so, at least part of his behavior may be due to competing with them for attention.
       Any way, take a look at the site and then get back to us.

[specialmom]

By law in the United States, a parent can demand an assessment at the school and if you do this, ask for the full evaluation program---  speech, occupational therapy and psychological evals.  But you can't be denied this within your school.  You can't control the outcome once the evaluations are given but you can demand that they be done.