My son might need to go into a classroom for those w/behavioral issues

[benjimom]

For the last few months, my son has been in a classroom 1:1 with basically an EA.  They have tried putting him back into a new classroom and it's not going well. He is incredibly anxious about it, hides, runs.  Sometimes he acts out, hits and is aggressive. I had him evaluated for sensory processing d/o (SPD) and the OT feels like he has it as well aas anxiety and aggression.  The school has suggested I look at the classroom for kids with other issues, they would have like 9-10 at most in a classroom with a teacher and several aides, have acess to a psychologist, social worker, etc.  The teacher will be a male, which is unusual in the elementary school system and is supposedly highly thought of, keeps the class well under control, etc.  Do you think this would be good for my son? he would have to move to a new school, but at this point, I'm not thinking ti would be good for him to continue at the current school next year.  ALso, I don't want to get looped back into a 1:1 situation again.  I don't like it and once you get it, it's like a prison sentence it seems like.   Plus, now my son is having an incredibly hard time transitioning back, he already did not transition well.  

[benjimom]

Yes, this person I will never discuss anything about my chidl with again, they were very judging and they have never had their own children either.  If you have never had kids, you cannot understand and also if you have never been around kids much, you can't understand either.  

We took the tour. I know he is nervous about going and says he does not want to go, but that is pretty usual with him about going to new places.

[specialmom]

Your son was just diagnosed with Sensory Integration Disorder.  I'd embrace that and let that sink in.  What kind of cruel parent would spank their child for an overactive nervous system?  My son cried because water made his hands hurt-------------  I'd discipline him for that?  My son can't sit still because his engine is always on high------  so I'd hit him?  

Well meaning people say dumb things all the time.  I've learned who I will discuss my child with and who I won't.  Your friend has no idea the pain of parenting a child that struggles and all it takes a mother is one time of seeing the eyes of their child as they struggle to realize we have to help them.  

You have seeking help for your son for the past several months.  Sounds to me like you are doing a GOOD job of being a parent to your son.

Not a parent on this planet doesn't make a mistake or two or a thousand.  But feel confident that normal discipline would not have worked on your son.  He is wired differently.  good luck

[Sandman2]

   I can't imagine you doing anything in the past that would have caused his problems.  Anyway, its a moot point.  What matters is what you are doing NOW!  And what you do in the future.  So far, I would say you are right on track.  Keep up the good work!

[benjimom]

I've hard that kids with speech delays often have issues too with handwriting and my son had speech delays, still does not say some words correctly, still needs to work with a  speech therapist.

I just got off the phone with someone who is old school, never had kids and was stalking about spanking, everyone I know got spanked and they are doing great now.  I've tried spanking with my son and it makes things worse.  I've heard others say that too.  Finally I just had to say I've got to go now.  If you have never had kids you can't understand it.

I wonder if maybe something I did do or didn't do caused all of these issues my son has now.  I feel already guilty.  I've tried to be a good mom and given everything I Have to him, maybe it was not enough.  It is so exhausting and esp to work so hard too.

[specialmom]

Handwriting is a motor skill often controlled by motor planning.  It is a big indicator of sensory.  Most sensory kids have a tough time with handwriting.  They have other sensory issues to deal with as well . . . as well as the fact that handwriting isn't their favorite activity, is hard for them and required a lot in school.  Hence, it is very frustrating.  Many speech therapists will tell you that tripping a lot is common with speech problems----------  they are often motor issues.  Behavior is intertwined with the same processing system as the motor system--------------  so it is true what they say but they just didn't explain it well.

[benjimom]

I just hope it works out.  We had the IEP meeting and the teacher of the class was there, he's a male and he was just nodding a lot during it.  He said this sounds like what they hear all the time and the same issues with students. He said a lot of issues surround handwriting.  A lot of behavioral issues come out of handwriting or having difficutly with it.

[specialmom]

Benjimom, I think this may work out very well.  My son did some camps last summer for kids with challenges and many were far worse than he.  They had sensory, autism, asperger's and adhd.  He LOVED it.  It was such a positive experience and he felt like "one of the guys" with this accepting group of kids.  Your son needs this same kind of confidence and very well may get it here.  It is hard to move this close to the end of the year-------  friendships and routine are already established, but hopefully that will go well.  And then next year, it is a fresh start.  Your son needs a chance and a place in which he can blossom and this may be it.  I wish him the best (and you too.)

[benjimom]

My son is going to finish the remainder of his kindergarten year in the new school and new classroom for others who are having emotional disabilities.  While I hate to see him go into this type of classroom, I think it will be better for all of us.  I just hope it will help him.

[benjimom]

Yes I think being singled out can make you more fearful and also make your self esteem lower, you feel like maybe you are not the same as other kids, is something wrong with you?  I know I would.  That is why I think he hides sometimes when he sees the others in his class.

[specialmom]

One of the things they told me early on with my son was that singling him out would make matters worse.  The things that are offered to him within the classroom are offered to everyone.  They use the same verbiage for how kids feel and same cuing system with all of the kids.  All kids have the special seats available to them or the peace spot.  Most don't use it but my son doesn't feel odd that he does.  If it helps my son to march on hard surface for sensory input----------  the whole class will march to the cafeteria.  Otherwise, self esteem can become an issue.  Just thought I'd add that.  

[benjimom]

I went to the school this morning and met the teacher and some of the staff in the school.  The kids did seem under control, they knew how to handle things before they escalated out of control, whereas in a regular classroom, the teachers mostly lack this skill.  Plus it's smaller with more support staff too.   I think at this point, he will need to go to this type of school and he needs to be in a place where he can be supported. I also need him in a place where I will nto be called on a daily basis to come and get him b/c he is acting out.  That only creates a pattern, let's act out so mom will be called to get me.  Ihave anxiety attacks everytime I see the school's number on my phone.  I have anxiety everday I drop him off wondering what will happen today?  The OT did not seem to think the 1:1 was a great idea and i don't want him in that situation any longer.  I also do not want to take the chance he will end up back in that situation again.

[specialmom]

I agree with Sandman that familiarity with the school helps a lot.  I took my boys to the playground at the school during the summer which was a win win.  Sensory workout and getting more comfortable with the school.  I also talked about that school like it was the best destination on Earth.  I spoke with his future teacher before the school year started about my boy and then I set up a one on one meeting with her for him to do that and see his new class room.  We took the teacher some flowers we had cut which he liked doing.  Taking a small something to the teacher is fun for a child.  He was able to meet her and walk around the room and ask all the questions he wanted.  We also walked around the school and pointed out areas he would go so he had an idea of what was where.  


One of the camps for social skills my son did was for children with severe behavioral issues.  My son was not "as bad" . . . so says he mother.  But ya know what, he loved it!!!  And they all just seemed like regular kids that might have a moment  here or there . . . but just like regular kids.  So I think this could be a good experience for him!  
good luck (and thanks Sandman for your kind words!)

[Sandman2]

  First,  CONGRATULATIONS, for having hung in there long enough for having finally gotten a diagnosis that  makes sense.  And a big hug to specialmom for having pointed you in the right direction.
  I remember your first posts about you son's first teacher- she was ill equipped to handle kids of his age much less kids with any kind of problem.  A teacher like you are describing in the new setting, can work wonders.  It really is about experience and caring.  
  Talk with the new teacher or your school about how to transition him.  There may be a summer program.  You definitely want to spend part of the summer just walking him around the campus, playing on the fields with him.  Things like this can make a huge difference.  It would be really cool if he could meet the new teacher before (maybe just before) the new school year starts.
  I really feel like you have got to give this a shot.  With this and the type of therapy that specialmom has described (which you can do over the summer), things are looking up!  
  Keep in touch!