problems with 4 yoa crying all the time

[cindy1510]

I HAVE A 4 YOA GRANDAUGHTER THAT STARTS CRYING FOR NOTHING .THIS CRYING WILL GO OIN FOR HOURS.SHE WILL ASK FOR SOMETHING,MAYBE A BLANKET WE GIVE IT TO HER AND THEN SHE DOESNT WANT IT.SHE WANTS HER MOM TO HOLD HER CONSTANTLY.SHE GOES TO HER DADS EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND DOES NOT DO THIS.SHE ASK FOR US TO HOLD HER WE GO TO HOLD HER SHE THROWS HERSELF ON THE FLOOR AND CRYS MORE..WHAT TO DO?

[compnet]

Excellent advice.

[specialmom]

Well, this is probably more of a question for the child behavior forum rather than add/adhd.  

But 4 year olds can be tough.  I'm still worn out from when my kids were 4!  You mention going back and forth between two places----------- I'd make sure that there is as much stability as possible.  The parties involved should communicate so that rules are the same, bed time is the same, etc.  Keep her routine going.  Maybe she is over tired by the time she gets to you and your daughter.  So talking about what is going on at dad's is a good idea.

I'd also just realize that kids cry for many reasons.  It can be a way of communicating frustration, anger or sadness.  YOur goal with that would be to teach her other ways to express herself.  Use her words would be one obvious way.  I have a rule with my kids-------- Unless you are bleeding or throwing up, I won't talk to you when you are crying.  I say this is my rule because I can't understand you.  It is amazing when I remind my boys of this how they stop crying so I will listen!  If she has trouble with the correct words to use to express herself-------- help her.  "you look mad.  tell me why".  Read some books written for kids on emotions checked out from the library.  Then give her alternative things to do---------- go to a cool down spot, open and close her fist tightly, count to 10, deep breaths, etc.  You can even role play at a time in which she is in a good mood how she can handle something.  She may have trouble self soothing-------  so teach her how to do it.

The other reason kids act as you describe is because it works.  I'd try above and especially the part of not giving her any attention until she stops crying.  I'd not play along---------  and give this as little attention as possible.

Then when she snaps out of it, praise her like crazy.  Switch the attention to giving her positive feedback when she is happy vs. crying.  
good luck