what does this mean for my 3 yeard old?

[Catherineoc]

hi my name is catherine i have a 3 year old son i just would like 2 know more about ADD/ADHD in kids as for a while now my son is a bit hyper and throws bad tantrums he does not listen 2 me and throws himself on the floor and slams doors in temper he hits other people and wont listen when i tell him its wrong he also hits and kicks me when he doesnt get his way and sometimes even bites im trying my best just want 2 understand is this nrmal for a 3 year old is it just a tantrum stage or more?

[benjimom]

Yes, three is a tough age, i think four is a tough age too.  I think it can be harder than two, I agree.  They get more "mouthy" too at 3 and 4.   I don't think five has been easy either. I think it all depends honestly on the child.  Just dont' give into the tantrums.  Have you tried time outs,  do them for like three minutes when he hits/kicks.  I think sometimes boys don't know how to use words and they kick/hit instead of using words.  

I agree with specialmom, give him lots of outlets to express energy!!

[specialmom]

3 is a tough age, for sure.  It was the hardest for both of my boys (and me to deal with!) and 4 was a close second.  The terrible 2's were a breeze compared to 3!  One thing that happens with 3 year olds is that they have a lot to say and sometimes have difficulty doing it.  They are growing by leaps and bounds with speech but as this takes time, they can become very frustrated.  And they have not yet developed the skills to handle frustration and anger.  So . . . they do what comes easily--------- cry, throw themselves down, and have the big meltdown.  

One thing that helps is to start to model behavior to show them other ways of handling frustration and anger.  I role played being upset about something.  I'd be really exagerated about it and my boys would laugh and watch me intently.  I'd act like I lost my car keys for example and we needed to GO.  I'd role play where I'd start to get upset, then I'd act out calming myself down, then I'd act out an appropriate way to handle it.  Checking out lots of books at the library on emotions is also helpful.  Kids books that describe feelings are really great for helping kids have the WORDS to use when they are upset.  My kids described an upcoming tantrum as a "stormcloud moving in" for a long time.  And if they can communicate to you, you can head it off at the pass.  Using their words is important in developing positive ways to handle frustration/anger/sadness.

I agree that giving in when a child wants something is not helpful to the situation.  At that point they are using their tantrum to manipulate you.  But you must stay calm.  Good time to practice this is in the store when they say they want something.  Stay calm and hold your ground and say no.  I always said that if you have a meltdown in the store, we have to leave.  So I practiced with only a couple of groceries in my cart -----  if they started to have a meltdown.  I'd leave my cart right there and go home.  It only takes one or two times of that for them to get the message.

Add/adhd should not be diagnosed until the earliest age of 6 and only by a child psychiatrist.  Your child sounds like most 3 year olds I know.  Make sure you give him LOTS and LOTS of outlets for his energy.  Go to parks and run run run.  Go swimming, jumping, rolling, etc.  Physical activity has a direct affect on behavior.  Good luck

[allmymarbles]

There are many reasons for temper tantrums. I knew of one case where it was caused by being overheated (girl of 9 months). Once it was figured out, her head was bathed in cool water (for which the baby was very grateful). Simply being overtired can lead to tantrums.

Sometimes parents unwittingly encourage tantrums. A child wants something. You say no. He insists. Stamps his foot. Makes a big fuss. You say no. He doesn't listen. You can't stand it anymore and give in. A perfect recipe for tantrums.

What you should do is try to determine why your child is having tantrums. There is a reason. You just have to find it.

[Sandman2]

   Actually all  of those things sound like a lot of the posts on the child behavior forum.  3 year olds do tend to react that way if things are not going there way.  It takes consistency and time to change those behaviors.   Check out the posts on the child behavior forum and you will see what I mean.  
   Doctors rarely if every identify 3 year olds with ADHD.  But if you are wondering - I would suggest you buy,  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.  It not only will give you symptoms, but ways to deal with the actions to best help the child.
   By the way, an often suggested book to deal with child behavior is  "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.  A 3 year old is really just beginning to become aware of what they can do.  You really have to direct them (and teach them) towards the behavior you want.  Essentially they are learning what works for them. If you continue to accept his behavior, can't figure out how to modify it - he will continue down this path.  So Lynn's book might be a good investment.  Good luck.