Father- Daughter incest? Or is it just my imagiation?

[sweetiegirl1985]

I have been with my fiance for about 1 year. He is a bit older than me and has a daughter that just turned 14 years old not too long ago. Her mother has not been in the picture since she was 4, so he really had to pick up the slack for her not being there. He learned how to do hair, nail, shopping, and is very opened about talking about "girl things". Anyhow, we just watched a scary movie  and ever since then she thinks that there are demonds in our house. The movie scared her so much that the night after we watched the movie she didn't sleep all night. The reason I am writing this is because now my fiance is sleeping in bed with her because she is scared and this moring he had glitter all over his chest. I asked him what that was from and he told me from her shirt. I understand that it could just be that, but why was he holding her like that? I tought for some reason that was weird. They have a close relationship, but I think this is too much.. Can someone help me on this topic?

[specialmom]

dolphin, it is a well known fact that many men prey on single mothers of daughters due to these fantasies.  Be very very careful.  And either way, I'd not love my 'boyfriend' telling me his fantasy about having sex with someone else.   That you were going to do something you really don't like to do, talk dirty, just to get it over with quicker . . . hon, really.  This doesn't sound like a good thing.  

You can do a background check on him.  You could check sexual predators in your area and see if he is on the list.  But I'd NEVER leave him alone with your 13 year old daughter.  NEVER.  Better safe than sorry.   Ugh.  

He'd be out the door just from what you've mentioned if it were me.  That might be hard if you are attached to him but I'd be too worried to keep him around at this point.  good luck

[DFRG]

Sexual Abuse Signs... I learned these from a class for teaching we have to be aware of signs.
She has bloody underwear..
She masterbates...
She is needy or reserved..
Hangs her head and is not confident..
Overly touchy at school with boys..
He is in her room often not just once....?
He is with her alone?
Overall give him the benefit of the doubt she had bad dreams...

Read her a book and talk to her about this stuff just for knowledge sake. It is important 1 in every 4 children is molested. Human trafficking has reached a high these days!!
Their are several childrens books on this at BN

[specialmom]

I was responding to a boyfriend telling his girlfriend who has a 13 year old daughter that he wants to have sex with the daughter during intercourse.  That would be a deal breaker for me and he'd not be invited back.  The very last post tagged onto this older post.  Gets confusing with old posts that are pulled up.

Single moms of teenage girls have to be careful who they date.  There are some creeps out there.  

Just my opinion

[Claire_MHModerator]

This thread is several years old and it's likely that the original posters are no longer available to answer questions, so we'll be closing it now.  If you'd like to start your own topic, you can do so by clicking the "Post a Question" button at the top of this page.  

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[allmymarbles]

We should not forget that the whole business may be innocent. Single parent and single child can get very close without being incestuous. I know of one father-daughter relationship that everyone thought was suspicious. But there was noting in it except paternal and filial love. She is now married and he is a proud grandfather.

[dolphinwoman]

The other nite me n my boyfriend were having sex. He likes me to talk dirty n i have a huge issue saying things i dnt mean just to turn him on. So i said u have fantacys baby tell me one. While we were in the middle of intercourse he says baby u want to hear a fantacy ive been havin lately n i said sure i figured as long as i played along we would b done soon. N e ways he takes a couple mins and just repeats ive been fantisizing bout u n blah blah n then he says but i want to tell u a real fantacy ive been having of ***** he says my 13 year old daughters name. I thought i heard him wrong but no i didnt. Heres my question. How do i find out if my boyfriend sayin my daughters name not his child of blood but my daughters name in a secentance he stated having fantacys of is true or if he didnt mean to say it. I need to know how to tell if this man is a threat to my daughter. I would like sum advice how to figure this out.

[rahim28]

Put your husband on first priority to resolving the case, family's calmness comes first

[Cnh0710]

My 4 year old came to me and has told me 2 times that daddy toched my private with his finger. I called dcf but she does sometimes change her story. Now they will interview my husband. Was I wrong to report this so quickly. I believe her.

[rahim28]

Dear 98
You loved him when you did not know about his sick relationship with his own 2 daughters but now you know.
This is real thing but sweetiegirl,s problem could be just kind of misunderstanding.
Margy is right you need to breath a clean air to be able to clarify your mind

[margypops]

You were right in getting away from that kind of life , so now its time to let it go , meet new people and move on ,it doesn't make sense that courts would not at least see children cannot be brought up in this manner . Could it be your country is too tolerant?

[hurt98]

I have  the same problem, I was married to a man with a 2 daughter, and believe it or not..this 2 daughter have a sex relationship with there father..and the x-wife she knows all this matters, but she just ignore it..the reason she ignored , because she was using her 2 daughter to make my husband feel guilty, and get something what they want everytime they asking what they needs..house, cars, money, travelling, and my husband cannot say no to them..because they always putting there fingers on the face of my husband..and the reason why he cannot stop the children because he loves them so much..and he still wanted to continue to sleep with them, I talk with him reagarding all this..but he said to me..Im the only was complaining for what they are doing..and his children and ex-wife, never complain for what they doing to each other..so he told me, even we go to the court, no one will believe me, because his children and ex-wife was on his side..even the social community was send them a letter, to explain about the abuse that he just did to his children..he ignore the letter and never showed up..and until now he and his 2daughter was continue this kind of life and relationship that they been doing..so the only thing to solve my problem.. is to get out on his life..rather than to be crazy keep seeing them, dringking together till get drunk  and be naked and sleep 3 of them in same bed..hugging and moam.while i'm at the other room..so I get out and clean my mind..and not to go back to them again and forget them and never see them and cut all the communication and forget the my husband that I know I love him..but..what is the use of love to share to this kind of family..I more to treasure my life and my mind..before I get crazy...

[RockRose]

It sounds like your daughter is 25+ years old now.  Whatever happened,  she won't admit it,  or in fact it didn't happen.  

It may have happened but she really wants to move on from that one event  

I think you should forget it,  and have a good relationship with your daughter.

[jas82]

My ex husband and our daughter that was then 14-15 had sex. I know it. Both will not admit it, my ex is now remarried and not talking to me claiming he is hurt by me saying this. My daughter still denies it and I know they did it.
What can I do about this.. I already contacted child protection agency. and they did a home check and asked questions claiming that they didn't. I divorced him to protect my child,, yet who am I really protecting when she won't talk?  What should I do now?it's been 11 years!

[jas82]

My ex husband and our daughter that was then 14-15 had sex. I know it. Both will not admit it, my ex is now remarried and not talking to me claiming he is hurt by me saying this. My daughter still denies it and I know they did it.
What can I do about this.. I already contacted child protection agency. and they did a home check and asked questions claiming that they didn't. I divorced him to protect my child,, yet who am I really protecting when she won't talk?  What should I do now?it's been 11 years!

[Mom4Peace]

Hi Sweetie! Listen up. Someone posted a comment above...Generally victims of abusive are unable to look at the perpetrator etc so its highly unlikely that she would willingly want him in her bedroom.
That is not true. Look at Mackenzie Phillips for example. Read statistics regarding children and incest.

[teko]

It is natural for the 14 year old to have some jealousy issues with you and now with you being pregnant, a new threat. The feeling of being replaced in her daddy's eyes. 14 years old is way to old to be sleeping with her father, period. This is simply not acceptable. It should have been you tending to her or a nite lite put on for her. Part of raising a young girl is to teach them what is acceptable and not acceptable in the presence of the male, and those teachings start with Dad. It may be okay to run around in the buff when getting out of the shower at the age of 3, not 10 in front of dad. When you start developing, part of growing up is to assume a different relationship with dad.  It is teaching and respecting. Some things need to be taught to avoid situations that can look compromising to others.

[sweetiegirl1985]

about boyfriends? LOL.. shes never aloud to have a boyfriend, at least not for a few years. Shes a good kid. she gets straight A's, no problems with school, but the week after this happened she had her period for 2 days and then it stopped and then about 5 days late she had it for 3-4 days, but it's ALWAYS regular. I thought that was weird. Does that sound weird? It's been alike almost 4 wks now... Shes been acting a little bitchy towards me lately, and I nothing has changed on my part... Im not sure what to think. I did have a talk with him and he understood where i was coming from and said that he wouldnt do it if it made me feel uncomfortable. At 1st, he was a little upset, but was calm and then after I explained myself, then he understood and explained to me that b4 me it was just her and him and that he had to pick up rhe slack from her mom not being there. So we talked it over and everything is good... between us.. And I know that he didnt say ne thing to her, so Im not sure y shes bitchy with me..

[FunnyGirl84]

Hey,

Working in Child Protection and Protective Behaviours there would be some real obvious signs if this girl was being abused.

As said by rafecu if they have only been used to each other he would of had to of assumed a maternal role as well as that of father - which may be confusing for men as to how to act appropriately.

The media are most likely to be responsible for your line of thinking; I work with children and glitter gets bloody everywhere, ask my boyfriend! I'm not allowed it in the house anymore due to too many glitter incidents.

Anyway my ex step father had a daughter (only child) and whenever we (my sister and I ) were around she would put this whole daddy's girl behaviour on, completely threatened by us and our mother taking her daddy away.

Additionally my dad had another child with his wife when I turned 20 and that made me feel very very weird and upset for a while so imagine what a 14 year old may be going through. Her hormones are already all over the place and she may need reassurance that you are going to stick around.

Is she excited about the birth of the baby and are you involving her in your pregnancy?

If you bring this up with your partner I'm not sure you will recover from it due to the weight of the accusation, this is very serious stuff you are talking about.

Have either of you spoken about sex education with her?

That may be a place to start and you will be able to sense a reaction from that. Generally victims of abusive are unable to look at the perpetrator etc so its highly unlikely that she would willingly want him in her bedroom.

How does he feel about her having boyfriends etc ?

[rafecu]

U know what, The two of them may have only had eachother to love in thier lives up until now. I agree that the girl is getn to old for hi to have to sleep with her. But it does not mean that anything sexual is going on at all. She may feel alitte threaten by u even if she doesnt show it. But lets not make the an out to be a sex offender for sleeping with his daughter. Just tell him how u feel about it.

[Mom4Peace]

I don't agree that you should talk to her future step-daughter about sexual abuse. You might frighten her.  I suggest to discuss the event, if it was only one time, that the father slept in same bed with his daughter.  Make it known that you feel it is inappropriate and her fears should be dealt with in a healthier manner, like talking about them with both her parents. Be assertive but gentle and caring as well regarding a healthy relationship with father/daughter. She's a teenager and emotions run wild. If that doesn't help, then suggest that she talk to a therapist. Maybe she has some resentment of you and future sibling and fears more loss in her life. You know if you talk to her without her dad there, she will tell him that you said this and you said that(her version will not be your version) and it will only create resentment. That's why it is best to have the discussion with the 3 of you present.

[AmberMarie86]

You are the one that lives in your house and if you have a gut instinct it might be for a reason. You should def have a talk with him & there are ways of asking her without actually ASKING her. You could talk to her about what it means to be sexually abused and tell her if it ever happens with her she could talk to you.

But in my experience (my dad raised me) it might just be a father being a mother. since he had to take on both roles mom and dad then maybe he is just acting as the mother right now. do you know what i mean? also when he looks at her he probably doesnt see the almost teenager that you see. he sees his little girl that he raised from a baby. besides you dont know the kind of things they went through together. she might have went through somethings when she was younger dealing with her mother leaving. since you are pregnant (which is a big deal to her) she might have some fears of losing her father.

[johnis64]

When I read your post I freaked out. Listen, my father was the pillar of our community, distinguished Ph.d, won awards for his community service work, etc. He never drank, smoked or said a curse word and was the Sunday school teacher for teenagers for many years. We went to church 2 to 3 times per week. I found out 6 years ago that this monster has been living the secret life of a *********,probably for decades, according to experts that did testing on him. He didn't molest me or my 3 sisters. He only molested boys. I had no brothers. This explains alot about him coaching teams and being extra nice to boys who were going through tough times. I cannot go into details except to say my parents decided to adopt a son when I was 16. My brother was 8 when he was adopted. 30 years later, 6 years ago, a very brave boy came forward and then others, who are adults now Some as old as 45 told their story for the first time. It is NOT normal for this man to be sleeping with your daughter, regardless of the situation. Why is she not sleeping with you if she is scared? Why not the both of you in your bed? I am a community trainer teaching adults how to identify certain behaviors in other adults and other children which are called yellow light behavior and red light behavior. This situation, in my opinion, is bordering on red light behavior and you need to have a frank discussion with your husband. The most important thing I teach? Ttust your gut. If it feels as if something not right, go with it. I'd love hear from you and hope you continue posting. Good luck!!

[jo929]

I just saw the part about you being Preg, if you have plans to marry this man you should be in his bed and also have that talk pretty PDQ  luck  jo

[jo929]

He may get upset when you talk with him, but someone needs to, no man should do a 14 year old girls hair and nails they are almost grown, and when and how will she ever grow up, i took so much psyc stuff before i started working withpeople and they had many different psyc Dr talk with the class i was in my 30 when i took this class and had been working with people since age 23 one child psyc said a child should have their own bed the minute it was brought home from hosp for many reason and certainly at a certain age a boy or girl should never sleep with parents the Dr said at a certain age a mom ought to tell a girl never to sit in a mans lap as their body part cant help having an arousal at certain times and when i was about 9 i remember my brother was sick and we did not have many beds and i usually slept with my sis and my brother slept on a pallet that night my dad slept with me so mom could take care of brother i remember waking  up and feeling a hand on my body starting down close to my panties and i remembered my mom saying never let a man touch you near where you pee pee or under your panyies, i felt funny and knew something was not right so i acted like i rolled off of the bed and i slept on the floor the rest of the night i will never know whether it was intentional or it was habit because he usually slept with mom. so when a man is asleep does he know whos body is in bed with him, there is something going on, and i am not saying he is doing something but it is weird that he treats her like this at this age she should have friends that do these things together, if you are both serious you need to talk because they both need to grow up and she needs to act her age i would let him talk to her as she is his daughter  luck  jo