emotional abuse by mother

[itsasizar]

Hi, my mother is excessively verbally abusive, I´ve a Masters in Psychology and I can´t do anything to stop her, the only thing that works in distance as I live in a different country but the minute I see her in 5 minutes she´s able to make me feel very unhappy as her insults and abusive behaviour are horrendous. 2 years ago I decided to cut all contact with her but I was unable to do so. I´m thinking in doing this again. I´m 32 years old and I don´t think I deserve to be treated like this, I don´t consider her my mother, to me, she´s a monster. What can I do with her?

[montrealmoon]

The mother only has this one unique daughter.  There is a reason this daughter went into psychotherapy-perhaps she wanted a way to understand her mother.  It is of no consequence if the mother doesn't change.  As her mother, she has some measure of ability to affect her daughter by what she says.  That is the nature of the mother daughter relationship.  The mother is supposed to pass on to the daughter what she knows. In this case, this mother has passed on a legacy of hatefulness and spitefulness.  I know all about this.  I am in the same position.  I am 58, disabled, and live with enparents. My mother is consistently abusive and tries to hurt me.  She even gets physically abusive at times.  I live every day in dread that today is going to be the day when she is going to go off on me. She is mentally ill and emotionally unwell.  She acts at about the three year old level as far as selfishness and self centered-ness go.  It is all always, always about her.  

All she cares about is being entertained by someone or something, yells at my father for his perceived deficiencies, and me as well fof no real reasons at all.  She is hurtful and hateful.  At times I hate her and at times I love her.  I always miss the mother daughter relationship that I always craved for with her, but will never have.   I shouldn't live alone, but she is always threatening to kick me out.  I do all the cleaning, all the dishes, all the laundry,and much more-- and I cause harm to my body all the time doing it.  Yet she never says thank you. She just ignores it. She sits on her chair, lays in her bed, or plays solitaire all day long, everyday.  I am miserably unhappy.  I just want to die, but its not happening fast enough.

[cherryb316]

Hi Ramona17,


I am going through the exact thing as you right now. Because I am not working, I had to move back with my parents. Also, I am caregiving for my father whom I get along with very well. My mother however is nasty, rude, hurtful and extremely verbally abusive and this has actually ruined my health. I was told by my MD that I have a rare immune disorder because I lived in such an abusive household for so many years. Trying to figure out how I can deal with her and remain healthy. I am currently looking for an ACOA type of support group which will help me to deal with her and keep my sanity. I hope you can find a support group that will help you as well. Good luck.

[Ramona17]

Barb, I'm living in an identical situarion, but I see you wrote this 4 yrs ago.  I'm new to this forum so I will try to find you somewhere on here to find out if you were able to find some relief.  My mother is so verbally abusive, and, because of severe health and financial issues I'm forced to have contact with her, but she is very abusive.  I have tried having a heart to heart but she is a very nasty person and thrives on creating drama.

[lemonjuice2012]

i need help also. My mother says she is a Christian and more and her heretic behavior is turning her into a monster. I tells me i am possessed on a daily basis for the slightest things like not washing the dishes. She shout constantly even though we live in a quiet neighborhood. I'm so used to her i'm barely embarrassed. The worst part is it's like she's in another world, she isolates anyone who judges her cause she thinks they are possessed and she especially hates her sister who, in her mind is worse than Satan. She is constantly rebuking her and brings her up in almost every conversation. If anything bad happens to me she tells me its my fault for not fighting the demon of aunty .... My mother can do NO wrong. If you tell her anything like mom you left a wrapping here she snaps and starts praying and binding you. I no i shouldn't be living this way. I want a normal family. Every time we go to church or prayer meeting i'm always disappointed that God doesn't tell the pastor whats wrong with my mother to fix her. I just don't have the words.

[col7276]

Hi hun. I think we have similar past. I have a younger brother and the sun shined out of his arse. I am only daughter and have younger brother. My mum has left me with lots of family members saying do u want to keep her! I get verbal abuse from as far back as i can remember. I am now nearly forty. I have a daughter and only her. I spoil that kid and tell her every day how much i love her. She herself over years has formed oppinion of my mum her so called nan, She hates her. Refuses to spend time with her. I won't forse her. The end of the day it is our so called mothers who lose.

[jever1066]

You give me hope for standing up to your mother and rebuilding a relationship on healthy terms. May I some day be able to do the same!