need a plan

[daisylee44]

Well  my hubby is an alcoholic and he started drinking ever since he was 16 years old--- he is now 50 years old and for the last 8 years he has been drinking every day---
   he is now to the point where he is having health issues and of course he wont go to the dr about it because he doesnt have a problem---- he did go to the dr because of his asthma and that was under control for years and now he is ill from it am surprised that he can get up and go to work..... but am thinking that may come to an end...
   for years----he has been having chronic back pain on the right side and i have researched and an answer from this site has told me that he is more than likely having liver problems.that very well could be...
    so i guess there is nothing that i can do for him except to make plans for me since and it seems like allot to cope with . i get really tired of people telling me that my plan needs to be for me to leave him...UGGGGHHHHHHH that is not what i want to do....... i want to keep our home and not to lose everything and i really do wish that people would respect my decision that i am doing what is right for me and my son...

[janet19]

I understand completely daisylee, my husband is an alcoholic and that is everyones first words to me. I love my husband and even though he has his own problems he has stuck by me through my opiate addiction and continues to do so. I am doing pretty good now just have to taper off of the suboxone and I think this time I can make it and not pick up again.

I am not sure where we are headed or what is in our future but I plan on it being "our" future. We are struggling financially right now and I am not going to walk on him. He has been a good husband and a good provider for me along with being my best friend. I just hope one day that he decides to kick his alcohol addiction. He is a good man and doesn't handle the stresses of life well. I am here for him and will continue to be as long as he needs me.

I will also keep you both in my prayers and pray that we all find the happiness we deserve.

[sameole_sameole923]

Wow, I am feeling you on all that you said, however, my husband is addicted to crack and he has a illness of kidney stones flarring up every now and again.  He's been using crack since he was 17, to my understanding now, but didn't find that out til after we were married, and had a son.  He is now 46, and has been clean for 9mo from his drug of choice, up until Tues of last week. He's now been away from home every since he relapsed.  I don't know what else to do, and yeah the first thing people will say is you need to leave him and get on with your to do better for you and the child, and that may very well be the alternative for me, because it's evident that he's not gonna stop, atleast not just yet anyway.  And I ask myself everyday "is this lifestyle fair to any of us, my son and I to suffer because dad wants to use drugs which is a hinderance on the family"? I must say I am truly tired of this lifestyle, and yes, I love me husband, he's all I know, we were high school sweethearts, but I never new he was using crack.  So go figure, my cry is for help and guidance for strength to overcome this as I call it addiction I have which is him.  I must let go and move on before it's too late for me to enjoy my life. And yes, I did marry for better or worse, through sickness and health, but I don't think that meant self inflicted sickness.  If I could heal him I would have been done it, but it's not my battle to suffer, so I must release him, before I pronounce a sickness upon myself.  I ask this in the name of JESUS, because I am truly tired!!!!

I had to vent, and I am not saying what you should or shouldn't do, but this was for me as much as for any one else who needed to hear it.  I wish you the best, and I know we are gonna have to figure out something to get out of this mess.  I wanna keep my family together as well, but I have tried that year after year and we are still stuck in the same atmosphere- "HE;'S still using!", and he's not gonna stop until he gets ready!! That's what i have to keep telling myself.  Again, I wish you the best and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[mary24609]

The best advice I can give to you is to find a local Al-anon meeting and go to it. Al-anon is a support group for people who have family members or friends that are addicts. They provide a safe place to discuss your problems from an objective point of view. No one will try to tell you what to do. Instead, you will get the chance to listen to the experiences of other people who are going through the same thing you are. The group also provides you with information about coping strategies and oher programs available in your area. I know it is a difficult thing to walk into a room of strangers and begin telling them about your problems but, believe me, it will be well worth your time. Best wishes