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Any parents of heroin addicts here?
Hello,
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
So glad to see you here, ive thought of you often.
Happy to hear you had a nice peaceful time with your sisters, that's what you needed most.
Stay as busy as possible, do everything possible to keep your mind in another place, it's all still so very raw.
Home seems to be the hardest for us, with time it will get easier.
My home was very hard for a few months....I went back to work, that helped me tremendously.
Try not to think about how long this will take, the most important thing to remember is there is now a beginning.
It's going to take him time to realize you mean what you say.
Coming home to get his check is a reminder to him.
He feels this too.
He may be at a friends house right now, but it won't last. ..it never does if they are using.
He needs this. ..please remember that.
If it takes a year for him to figure it out, he's a year ahead of himself than if he were in your home.
I know this is very hard on you.
Stand your ground with love.
You will help him only when hes ready to help himself.
You can do this. ..you need to do this for him, don't lose sight that your giving him you your family a chance at a normal life ...ok.
I know you miss him. ...I know you love him, your a mom.
BTW, my son's final attempt took him about 4 months to figure out, by that time...I was OK.
This will be a very long road, I'm still on it. ..will be for life, but once you start to see some progress in the right direction it gives you that little incentive to keep yourself facing forward.
Many relapse. ..begin to prepare that it will be a high possibility.
I always looked at each relapse as one step closer and it was.
Just as your feeling now, he too has to relearn his life.
Please get in touch when ever you need to, don't ever feel you cant.
Baby steps. ..it's the way we need to do it too
here for you. . We won't let you do it alone
Prayers and hugs sent to you
Happy to hear you had a nice peaceful time with your sisters, that's what you needed most.
Stay as busy as possible, do everything possible to keep your mind in another place, it's all still so very raw.
Home seems to be the hardest for us, with time it will get easier.
My home was very hard for a few months....I went back to work, that helped me tremendously.
Try not to think about how long this will take, the most important thing to remember is there is now a beginning.
It's going to take him time to realize you mean what you say.
Coming home to get his check is a reminder to him.
He feels this too.
He may be at a friends house right now, but it won't last. ..it never does if they are using.
He needs this. ..please remember that.
If it takes a year for him to figure it out, he's a year ahead of himself than if he were in your home.
I know this is very hard on you.
Stand your ground with love.
You will help him only when hes ready to help himself.
You can do this. ..you need to do this for him, don't lose sight that your giving him you your family a chance at a normal life ...ok.
I know you miss him. ...I know you love him, your a mom.
BTW, my son's final attempt took him about 4 months to figure out, by that time...I was OK.
This will be a very long road, I'm still on it. ..will be for life, but once you start to see some progress in the right direction it gives you that little incentive to keep yourself facing forward.
Many relapse. ..begin to prepare that it will be a high possibility.
I always looked at each relapse as one step closer and it was.
Just as your feeling now, he too has to relearn his life.
Please get in touch when ever you need to, don't ever feel you cant.
Baby steps. ..it's the way we need to do it too
here for you. . We won't let you do it alone
Prayers and hugs sent to you
Deb 179,
I forced myself to come on today to give you an update because your support means so much to me.
I flew back from Virginia yesterday and as I started packing my bags to leave, I could feel the anxiety coming back knowing I had to come back to my son's situation. I had a wonderful time with my sisters and there were long stretches of our days where I put him completely out of my mind and loved my sisters and being in a state of "happiness". At night my mind would wander but I wasn't depressed during my entire stay.
Today I am sad again because I don't know how long this process will take. My son is working part time and while I was gone, he stopped by the house to pick up his paycheck from my husband. He was there for about 30 minutes and my husband said he is staying with a "friend".
I am holding on to the knowledge that this is what it will take and it might be awhile if he has some money and a place to stay. I read one thread where a young man said he was gone for a year before he bottomed out and became tired of the craziness. I pray my son gives up the fight before then but I have prepared myself for it to take as long as it takes.
I am staying very busy and reading your advice and the other comments in this thread have become my "mantra". It keeps me sane and pulls me out of the desperate sadness when I am really struggling.
Thank you for your love and support.
I forced myself to come on today to give you an update because your support means so much to me.
I flew back from Virginia yesterday and as I started packing my bags to leave, I could feel the anxiety coming back knowing I had to come back to my son's situation. I had a wonderful time with my sisters and there were long stretches of our days where I put him completely out of my mind and loved my sisters and being in a state of "happiness". At night my mind would wander but I wasn't depressed during my entire stay.
Today I am sad again because I don't know how long this process will take. My son is working part time and while I was gone, he stopped by the house to pick up his paycheck from my husband. He was there for about 30 minutes and my husband said he is staying with a "friend".
I am holding on to the knowledge that this is what it will take and it might be awhile if he has some money and a place to stay. I read one thread where a young man said he was gone for a year before he bottomed out and became tired of the craziness. I pray my son gives up the fight before then but I have prepared myself for it to take as long as it takes.
I am staying very busy and reading your advice and the other comments in this thread have become my "mantra". It keeps me sane and pulls me out of the desperate sadness when I am really struggling.
Thank you for your love and support.
My deepest heartfelt sympathy to you.
I can't even imagine your grief.
Heroin is killing too many of our loved ones.
I wish I could find words of comfort to say to you. ..I can't, there are none.
Thank you for having the strength to tell your story, I'm sure it was a very hard thing to do.
A very selfless act on your part...
I hope you have a very strong support system.
While I don't know how to ease your pain, I certainly will be here for you to help you get through it
I'm praying for you as I write this
I'm so very sorry, I know those words mean very little right now, just know. .. they come deep from the heart of one mom to another.
I can't even imagine your grief.
Heroin is killing too many of our loved ones.
I wish I could find words of comfort to say to you. ..I can't, there are none.
Thank you for having the strength to tell your story, I'm sure it was a very hard thing to do.
A very selfless act on your part...
I hope you have a very strong support system.
While I don't know how to ease your pain, I certainly will be here for you to help you get through it
I'm praying for you as I write this
I'm so very sorry, I know those words mean very little right now, just know. .. they come deep from the heart of one mom to another.
I lost my brother and son 4 days apart, my brother Dec. 2nd my son Dec 6th, If you have a loved one using PLEASE PLEASE, try to make them see there are only 3 outcomes of HEROIN ADDICTION, 1st and foremost, get clean and stay clean my son had 90 days clean,( he had a f it moment thought he could use one last time and that's what he did only this dose killed him) 2nd option get busted and go to jail, and last but not least is death! Please try to make them understand their is help, they need to work at staying clean harder than they worked at getting high, It's too late for my son ,but if one person is reached by this then his death will not have been in vain
What a great post ;)
I deeply appreciate your kind words, but the credit is all yours.
Your resent experience, so new, so fresh, so bittersweet
You walked the walk. ..no you sprinted !
I can't tell you enough the pain that you forced yourself to ensure, to have the courage and strength to stand tall face to face with your son's addiction, helped to prevent a pain that is beyond words.
It's still along road...a life time road, but you have your addiction to him much better controlled. There may be slips but as you said. ..each time it happens, you'll find your footing faster, in turn it will benefit you all.
Liriomorado... I can't stress enough, you have the perfect opportunity right at your fingertips to change how you love your son.
I know it's not the answer we went to hear, but as rjrmom said she needed to time it with him being high, it is nearly impossible to get quick help for our kids. When she saw the opportunity she took full advantage. ..hospital, help or out. You have the courts on your side. ..it truly is a blessing in disguise.
Make him responsible for his actions now while you have that chance.
Words mom said JUMPED at me....our biggest fear.
She felt he had nothing to live for, he may give up and od, if she made him leave.
That IS our paralyzing fear
That's were our trained mama mind will go, but in all reality we let them put that option in their daily life under our watchful eye.
While I cant say some might not do it, I truly believe our kids won't. ...they know the deep love that backs them.
Yes they become master manipulators of the heart they thrive on our love, to keep them active
My son once text me a message that I will l never forget. This was his first time at a real attempt to get clean. It was thanksgiving, we tried to have thanksgiving dinner together. I kept kicking him under the table to prevent him from falling face first in his food. By this time in his addiction I very rarely saw his eyes open. That day I made my oldest son take him out of my home. ..I couldn't look at him any more. He ended up in drug house after drug house I knew that but I was so numb I couldn't talk to him.
The text I got from him came to me about midnight on a cold jan winter night in ny. He had no where to go. ..the house he was staying in was stormed by the cops. ..he managed to run, he begged me to let him come home one time more. Something in me that night wouldn't let me do it, it had to be a higher power than I as I felt peace with my choice to tell him no. His final text was mom I'm sorry. ..I love you and I hold in my hand enough heroin to not wake up. . I put him in God's hands that night, but I felt peace as I knew our suffering was near to end in what ever way it needed to come.
I don't remember much about the next 24 hours. ..I was beyond numb, I felt like I was in a dream. ..but the nightmare ended.
For the first time he was alone. ...he didn't want to die that way.
He knew he was no longer welcome in my life as an addict.
what he did next I never expected. ..he got clean for the first time for him. I'm not sure how long it took, but the day came rather quickly that he was knocking on my front door. When I opened the door. ..I looked into his soul from his clear beautiful eyes...
he stayed clean a year. After he proved to me he was serious I let him come home to rebuild his life. ..he worked hard at it with added help. The story doesn't end here. He relapsed met an active female user. ..before I had a chance to make him leave again, he od'd with a slit wrist at my kitchen table. He survived and so did i.
That was his final time home. ..he got in his comfort zone once again. ...my life my home.
Myself. ..my home. ..his biggest trigger, we both know that now.
I didn't lose his love, We have a love like never before. ..we feel it with a glance, putting him out of my life brought him home.
He has 2 years now...clean.
there is still that fear. ..but he's different now, it came from him.
we both had to fall hard to get back up.
It was a pain that there are no words for.
Rjrmom...hit the nail on the head with our biggest fear
Help stop him, before you go to that darkest place, rjrmom did and I would love to see the same out come for you. ..for all of us here.
There is hope. ..learn to love him in a different way
We're here, we won't let you do this alone. ..I promise
I deeply appreciate your kind words, but the credit is all yours.
Your resent experience, so new, so fresh, so bittersweet
You walked the walk. ..no you sprinted !
I can't tell you enough the pain that you forced yourself to ensure, to have the courage and strength to stand tall face to face with your son's addiction, helped to prevent a pain that is beyond words.
It's still along road...a life time road, but you have your addiction to him much better controlled. There may be slips but as you said. ..each time it happens, you'll find your footing faster, in turn it will benefit you all.
Liriomorado... I can't stress enough, you have the perfect opportunity right at your fingertips to change how you love your son.
I know it's not the answer we went to hear, but as rjrmom said she needed to time it with him being high, it is nearly impossible to get quick help for our kids. When she saw the opportunity she took full advantage. ..hospital, help or out. You have the courts on your side. ..it truly is a blessing in disguise.
Make him responsible for his actions now while you have that chance.
Words mom said JUMPED at me....our biggest fear.
She felt he had nothing to live for, he may give up and od, if she made him leave.
That IS our paralyzing fear
That's were our trained mama mind will go, but in all reality we let them put that option in their daily life under our watchful eye.
While I cant say some might not do it, I truly believe our kids won't. ...they know the deep love that backs them.
Yes they become master manipulators of the heart they thrive on our love, to keep them active
My son once text me a message that I will l never forget. This was his first time at a real attempt to get clean. It was thanksgiving, we tried to have thanksgiving dinner together. I kept kicking him under the table to prevent him from falling face first in his food. By this time in his addiction I very rarely saw his eyes open. That day I made my oldest son take him out of my home. ..I couldn't look at him any more. He ended up in drug house after drug house I knew that but I was so numb I couldn't talk to him.
The text I got from him came to me about midnight on a cold jan winter night in ny. He had no where to go. ..the house he was staying in was stormed by the cops. ..he managed to run, he begged me to let him come home one time more. Something in me that night wouldn't let me do it, it had to be a higher power than I as I felt peace with my choice to tell him no. His final text was mom I'm sorry. ..I love you and I hold in my hand enough heroin to not wake up. . I put him in God's hands that night, but I felt peace as I knew our suffering was near to end in what ever way it needed to come.
I don't remember much about the next 24 hours. ..I was beyond numb, I felt like I was in a dream. ..but the nightmare ended.
For the first time he was alone. ...he didn't want to die that way.
He knew he was no longer welcome in my life as an addict.
what he did next I never expected. ..he got clean for the first time for him. I'm not sure how long it took, but the day came rather quickly that he was knocking on my front door. When I opened the door. ..I looked into his soul from his clear beautiful eyes...
he stayed clean a year. After he proved to me he was serious I let him come home to rebuild his life. ..he worked hard at it with added help. The story doesn't end here. He relapsed met an active female user. ..before I had a chance to make him leave again, he od'd with a slit wrist at my kitchen table. He survived and so did i.
That was his final time home. ..he got in his comfort zone once again. ...my life my home.
Myself. ..my home. ..his biggest trigger, we both know that now.
I didn't lose his love, We have a love like never before. ..we feel it with a glance, putting him out of my life brought him home.
He has 2 years now...clean.
there is still that fear. ..but he's different now, it came from him.
we both had to fall hard to get back up.
It was a pain that there are no words for.
Rjrmom...hit the nail on the head with our biggest fear
Help stop him, before you go to that darkest place, rjrmom did and I would love to see the same out come for you. ..for all of us here.
There is hope. ..learn to love him in a different way
We're here, we won't let you do this alone. ..I promise
I would like to say hello to you. I feel for you so deeply, you have come to the right place for the best support Deb was my Saving Grace and it means a lot to hear her speak so highly of me. When I first came to this sight I was completely at my end. I was beaten down and broken, I had let a lot of peoples thoughts including my friends and family who have never gone through this get in my head. they would say how I was fighting a loosing battle negative comments always. I remember my first night coming on here and reading these stories. I cried for days I remember thinking, what is making me feel like this and then it clicked I had fooled myself in believing that my story wasn't as bad as everyone elses my son's addiction wasn't as bad as people thought. he was going to work he wasn't stealing and so on. my story was just as bad. My son wasn't going to work to be responsible he was going to support his habit he wasn't paying bills with his pay. I was paying all his bills plus giving him a free roof over his head and food. He didn't have to make excuses for himself. I was doing it for him. I was literally loving my son to death!!! Once I realized this it took me days to figure out what to do next. It was then that I chose to change ( KEY WORD I ) I then came up with a plan. I am to get my life back. I need to change the way I love him! I need to let him know this and give him the opportunity of recovery or I am finally content with letting you go. My plan came in action when I knew I had to wait for him to be high. Unfortunatly its only then that the hospitals will take them in. Well he got high one night and I gave him the choice to go to the hospital or leave for good. I will no longer stand by and watch you kill yourself. Well he packed a bag and called a friend. I was devastated!! I gave him his Ins card and told him when I get a call From a counselor I will be right by your side . I will only take part in your life if it has to do with recovery. It was the one of the hardest nights of my life watching him leave. I just wanted to change my mind all I could think was he was going to get so high because he had nothing to loose that he would over dose. Those thoughts we have that's what are kids are hoping for. Those are the thoughts that let them continue doing what they are doing. After he left I came on here, Thanks to deb who was my cheerleader sort of speak. She kept me strong and focused. Once you do something and don't go back on your word each time it gets a little easier. When you start having doubts this is the place to go! seek out the support. It is very hard but so worth it. My son finally realized I wasn't kidding and he was loosing everything He finally got help for all the reasons . He is doing really well. I am so proud of him!! He still struggles at times but has chose to pay it forward to help keep himself clean. Slow and Steady , one day at a time. that is how we are getting through this. stay strong, Don't give in and let him take responsibility for all his actions ( no more fixing his problems for him). You can do this!!!!!!!!
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