Why do addicts say they are leaving you but they never do ?

[Rhi55]

I would just like input considering that I have tried but he manages to get his way back

[Nighthawk61]

Also, Alanon or NarcAnon are groups that are for the family of addicts. It is a group of folks that will help you to stop enabling the addict in your life and many people find it useful. You can check out online meetings and chat groups to see if it might be of use, and then arrange to attend meeting held in churches, offices etc. You deserve all the best.

[Nighthawk61]

Addiction is a family disease, as it affects everyone and everyone gets sick. It is this sickness that creates enablers rather than folks that are pragmatic enough to know that addiction is simply a disease, and there is help out there to be had.

An addict, often is under the influence 24/7. When they're not using they're scheming on ways to figure out their next dose is self medicating. Your partner is only remotely aware that they are harming others, and others (enablers) are harming them. They know something is wrong, but are so consumed with the constant withdrawal and using that they are unable to focus in an intelligent way to address the problems being created.

An addict could say that they are leaving, because they think it would be easier for them to use, or they could be saying it because they think that's what you need or want. Leaving is not the answer. Putting in the effort to pow wow with an Addictions Therapist is always the answer  IF there is a relationship worth saving, or even a friendship.
Even if you are over any thoughts of rehabilitating your relationship, that's okay. To try to help by conversing with an Addictions  Therapist may make it easier on you to leave the relationship knowing that you have given your all. The unfortunate reality is that loved ones of addicts who feel they have been manipulated into enabling, don't understand that they were a big part of the problem all along. The beast that is addiction used them as much as it does the addict. If all that's been done is using, manipulating and enabling, then no one has done anything yet towards fighting the disease - not the addict and not the enablers. It is so sad to hear so many people are at the point of giving up and succumb to hating an addict and their addictive behaviors with both parties losing all faith and hope BEFORE ever setting foot in an Addictions Therapists office.


Even if a spouse is so angry and over having a relationship with an addict, if there are children involved (a relationship worth saving) an Addictions Therapist should be brought into the mix to intervene,and to stage a healthy intervention (like on tv) so the addict has a chance to make the right choice for themselves and their children. A child should always be able to tell their addicted parent the effects that have harmed them.As a recovering addict, i can truly say that It is out of the mouths of babes that an addict can finally have an epiphany and  hear and see what they've missing.  Having a child share their truth is a ace up the sleeve that is seldom used as effectively as it could be.

If your having problems and wish to talk, i'd be happen to listen and try to help. I've been clean and sober, along with my husband since 1999. Whereas i've got straight clean time my husband relapsed briefly (one week)  and immediately went into a psych ward to address his not sleeping for a week and using (he became schizophrenic, *often addicts use substances simply because they can't sleep). He then went directly to a 90 day Relapse Prevention Rehab. He's been clean and sober and sleeping like a baby ever since.

I hope this helps in some small way. Blessings Liz