Aa
If time machines exsisted...
Don't any of you wish you could go back to that day, where you were offered a prescription for an opiate, and you turned it down? I know I sure do, though I find confidence in knowing that one day, and hopefully soon, I will feel the same way I did before all of this, even if I could go back to where 1 pill would last me all day, I would have quit then. Think about all the happy times you once had prior to all this, of course there were downs, but it was life, not an altered perception of life. I think about right now, without the pills, how lucky I am. I have a girlfriend who would do absolutely anything for me, a beautiful siberian husky Puppy, and two roomates who would take a bullet for me any day of the week. So in actuallity when I look at everything good going on in my life, I don't feel like complete s***. I know we can all do this guys, and I'm willing to talk to anyone on this site, and another thing I'm thankful for is that I've found all of you to help cope. 1 BaBanker/ 0 opiates, I say bring it w/d's.
Actually, I wouldn't go back to that day if I could. I honestly believe that my life is better in every way that matters now than it would have been if I never became addicted. It took me well past a 15 months of Recovery before I really began to think/feel that, but there has been no doubt in my mind about it for a long time now.
Prior to my active addiction I was isolated and apart from pretty much everyone. I don't mean that I hid or was afraid of people, because that's not the case. I was considered outgoing, confident, competent, successful, etc. However, despite all that, I just didn't have the capacity to really connect with people. Except for a few (very few) exceptions over the course of my life, the rest of humanity might as well have been potted plants.
I think the very few with whom I did somehow "click" with may have actually made things worse -- they were like an oasis compared to the desert, all the more wonderful when you find them because you had been so hot and dry, but after getting used to them going back to the desert seems far worse than before you ever found the oasis. So, after careful analysis, I "realized" that the wise thing to do was to never look for a form those oasis-relationships in the first place - they were obviously flukes of nature and the simply gave one an unrealistic expectation about life.
I suppose that's about as well as I can explain it without writing a book. I will say, however, that I was a jerk - I was nice to most everyone, I did things for people, etc., but it was all very abstract for me . . . I am very lucky in that regard, because when all the wheels fell of my wagon I had a number of people who went FAR out of their way to help and support me. I'd now be dead without them.
Anyway, my life is very different in Recovery. I can honestly tell you that I have met more wonderful people in the last 2 years, 4 months and 8 days than I did in the almost 47 years that preceded this time(people that I truly care about, who truly care about me). I find this amazing.
I am quite serious when I say that The Promises have come true for me and I believe that indeed "[they] will always materialize if we work for them."
===================================
THE PROMISES (From Chapter 6 of AA's Big Book)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
=========================
If The Promises can come true for me, they can come true for ANYONE.
CATUF
860
Prior to my active addiction I was isolated and apart from pretty much everyone. I don't mean that I hid or was afraid of people, because that's not the case. I was considered outgoing, confident, competent, successful, etc. However, despite all that, I just didn't have the capacity to really connect with people. Except for a few (very few) exceptions over the course of my life, the rest of humanity might as well have been potted plants.
I think the very few with whom I did somehow "click" with may have actually made things worse -- they were like an oasis compared to the desert, all the more wonderful when you find them because you had been so hot and dry, but after getting used to them going back to the desert seems far worse than before you ever found the oasis. So, after careful analysis, I "realized" that the wise thing to do was to never look for a form those oasis-relationships in the first place - they were obviously flukes of nature and the simply gave one an unrealistic expectation about life.
I suppose that's about as well as I can explain it without writing a book. I will say, however, that I was a jerk - I was nice to most everyone, I did things for people, etc., but it was all very abstract for me . . . I am very lucky in that regard, because when all the wheels fell of my wagon I had a number of people who went FAR out of their way to help and support me. I'd now be dead without them.
Anyway, my life is very different in Recovery. I can honestly tell you that I have met more wonderful people in the last 2 years, 4 months and 8 days than I did in the almost 47 years that preceded this time(people that I truly care about, who truly care about me). I find this amazing.
I am quite serious when I say that The Promises have come true for me and I believe that indeed "[they] will always materialize if we work for them."
===================================
THE PROMISES (From Chapter 6 of AA's Big Book)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
=========================
If The Promises can come true for me, they can come true for ANYONE.
CATUF
860
Id change the fact that I ever got addicted to anything. Smokes, pills, booze etc...I dont like that kinda life....
Funny, I think that occassionally but come to the conclusion most of the time I wouldn't change anything. For all the bad that came of it, I can't honestly predict I wouldn't have done something worse or more destructive that wouldn't have put me in a worse position than I am now.
Lets face it, most of us became addicts because of earlier issues we couldn't cope with. There ARE more destructive ways of not coping, some of them pretty final. The fact that any of us are here, right now, on this board, shows we're moving in a fairly positive direction in our life.
Lets face it, most of us became addicts because of earlier issues we couldn't cope with. There ARE more destructive ways of not coping, some of them pretty final. The fact that any of us are here, right now, on this board, shows we're moving in a fairly positive direction in our life.
Just curious, how long is "just starting" for you? It sounds like you took your last dose on Sunday- that means your in the first 24 hours? I'm on 72 hours- I'm down to counting minutes right now and I already sent out 3 posts- it really, really helps to talk about this with people who "know" what it feels like. I wish you luck, and I hope your successful- I have to admit I sort of chuckled at the line of "i was so normal it wasn't even funny"- I forgot what normal is like- it's been 3 years for me, and I don't know if I can remember normal....
Thanks for your post wantlifeback, I really appreciate it, and believe me, I'm gonna do anything in my power to stop this, it's just tough, I'm sitting in a chair right now, and I want to get up and walk around, but yet I don't, it's weird, and I will say, I was taking xanax for a while, those suck, they do nothing, oh and klonopin, and they suck too, the weird thing is, is that when I was on the meds, I was so normal it wasn't even funny, like the lt's made me normal after a while, and currently I'm having trouble eating w/o them, but I'm hoping in time that my hunger will come back to me, before people start to notice.
Keep the thoughts from your original post and use it as strength to get through the wd. I wish i would have tapered to 10 mg per day but i didn't and i paid for it.
I really hope you pull through this and make it to the other side,,life without opiates. You can do it
And yes to your question, during my wd that was on my mind 24/7 and i cursed the person who gave me my first...but ulitimatly it was me who went to the doctor for the script.
I really hope you pull through this and make it to the other side,,life without opiates. You can do it
And yes to your question, during my wd that was on my mind 24/7 and i cursed the person who gave me my first...but ulitimatly it was me who went to the doctor for the script.
I'm just starting, currently, runs, yawns, and goosebumps. A little achiness, but not too much, at times I was taking almost 40 lt's a day, not good:( But on my last prescription I knew my dr wouldn't help much, so I started tapering on my own, I dropped from 40 a day to 10 a day, holy s*** was that hard, then this last weekend, I got down to my last pills, 20 left, took 10 on Saturday, and 10 on Sunday. I must be honest with you IBKleen, as it helps to be honest, if someone gave me some right this moment, I would throw 5 down the hatch immediately, so I'm hoping I can keep to myself for a while, until this passes, because the mental I can defeat, but physical is not enjoyable. Thanks for your post:)
Hi. Yup..if only...........
So, are you going thru w/d's now? Or just starting?
So, are you going thru w/d's now? Or just starting?
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